For those who haven't yet discovered the sheer hilarious brilliance of the website "Texts from Last Night," a small sample of the treasures you'll find there:
"I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened..."
"Hit a parked car with a 'property of Jesus Christ' bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield."
"he yelled 'RELEASE THE KRAKEN' then hit me with his dick"
"Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night."
"just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics"
"I want to make a porn site called 'girls with daddy issues'"
"I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning."
"stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing."
"So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?" "That depends on who this is."
"He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M"
"I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night."
"I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?"
Texts from Last Night
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