While I'd never disparage the wonderful time I had on my 40th birthday last Friday -- despite the fact that I was suffering from a nasty sinus infection -- I was scanning the archive of this site yesterday and couldn't help but be struck by a post from December 12th, 2008. Published the morning after my birthday, it ran down what I had done the previous day -- how I'd "celebrated" my 39th.
To say that re-reading it hit me like a punch to the gut would be an understatement, as that post lays out in the simplest language possible just how much my life has changed since this time last year. No matter how much I'd like to deny it, it's just heartbreaking.
DXM: 39 in 24/12.12.08
One more thing: I never wrote about my family as a self-serving or self-aggrandizing gesture; I never did it to boast about how great I had it or to prove what a swell guy I was. I simply loved my wife and child and was very, very proud to be able to wake up each morning with them by my side. That's what makes being without them -- admittedly with my little girl right now, but overall alone -- so devastating. I did my best to keep Jayne and me together as a couple -- to keep our family intact -- but in the end it wasn't enough.
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