"By 2010 all CNN shows will be anchored via hologram by Jessica Yellin, Will.I.Am and a revolving team of outsourced Indian correspondents. With the money saved by firing all on air talent CNN will be able to move forward with its plan to move into a new giant headquarters building affectionately nicknamed "Jon Klein's Penis Substitute." Unfortunately the network will effectively go off the air in 2011 with the death of its last viewer, a man who legally changed his name to CNNfan, formerly Joseph Yarmolinsky of Farmingville New York, who had been monitoring the network for the last 20 years from the basement of his mother's house. He will die of deep vein thrombosis during a 30 hour marathon of Sanjay Gupta's health tips (Gupta having moved to India to be an outsourced correspondent). Irony would suggest that he die during the segment on Deep Vein Thrombosis, but instead it will be during an hour on trans-fats."
-- Anonymous (If you're the author of this comment, feel free to step forward and claim responsibility.)
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