Showing posts with label comment of the week. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comment of the week. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Comment of the Week


In response to last week's Salon Headline of the Day, which trumpeted a piece by Andrew O'Hehir ludicrously claiming that The Conjuring is anti-women and right-wing.

"'It features Vera Farmiga, an actress too strange and too powerful for mainstream Hollywood stardom.' What the fuck does that even mean? No, really. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? Is she a sorceress, feared and loathed by the Hollywood Illuminati?

-- TK"


Exactly. Thanks, TK. As usual, you've won a brand new Chrysler Cordoba and you can pick it up at Morty's office.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Comment of the Week


In response to today's earlier post, reference Nick Denton's insinuation that Glenn Greenwald's home in Rio is often overrun with "boys" -- really, what appears to be more like young men -- who sleep over and play videogames. Denton's comment came attached to a piece at Gawker detailing Greenwald's involvement in the business end of a gay porn operation years ago:

"Having gone back and read the post Denton's comment appeared under, my favorite bit was this:

'With Greenwald's help, the company began making money, but when it came time to pay up, Haas refused, saying Greenwald had demanded changes to the content of the videos which were and are unacceptable.'

I can only imagine. At first, they filmed and released a half-hour gay porn vid. But then, Greenwald decided they needed a five-minute post-credits scene. After a second set of credits, this was followed by an additional three minutes of extra footage, complete with a third set of credits. The now 38 minute video was finally released to the public, but after a scathing review in an adult video industry mag, Greenwald insisted the video be recalled and had an additional ten minutes of footage shot, which were appended to the end of the video, which was then re-released. The release delays prompted complaints from several adult video rental stores; these complaints infuriated Greenwald, who recalled the video a second time and re-released it with an additional forty-two minutes of footage, followed by yet another credits roll, followed by nine minutes of deleted scenes....

As last observed, the half-hour gay porn video is now only available as a seventeen-hour box set. Greenwald's former business partners obviously can't afford a sequel.

-- Eric"


The only thing missing is Greenwald openly attacking critics of the film as cultists and intellectually dishonest servants of the gay entertainment media complex who cravenly show fealty to the brand of male-on-male 69-ing deemed acceptable by the authorities.

Incidentally, I really wanted to try to start a #GreenwaldPorn titles meme this morning on Twitter because it's so ripe for great material, but there's no way in hell anyone would go near something like that.

I was gonna start with "Manning Bradley" and work my way down from there.

Anyway, congratulations, Eric. As always you win a brand new Chrysler Cordoba and you can pick it up at Morty's office.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Comment of the Week


I'm always curious what leads people to old pieces I've written, and certainly what would lead someone to comment on an old piece that I've written when it should be abundantly clear that pretty much nobody will see it -- unless of course the comment in question is as insane as this one.

Five years ago, I wrote about CNN correspondent Richard Quest's unusual run-in with the law. For those who don't remember, he was arrested in Central Park with a bag of meth in his pocket, a dildo stuffed in his shoe, and a rope tied around his balls. (For the record, that's how I go out every day.) He was jettisoned off to rehab for a bit but in the end didn't actually lose his job at CNN, which at the time kind of peeved me given that I had just been fired for blogging.

Anyway, it turns out the reason he wasn't let go involves, of course, the Great Zionist Media Conspiracy, which also includes Wolf Blitzer and -- eh, fuck it, just read the anonymous comment that came in overnight.

"LMFAO! The REAL reason Quest was retained (while you were not) is because he is JEWISH. It's no secret that CNN is Zionist dominated; Wolf Blitzer who is the chief anchor for CNN, is a Mossad Agent (everybody know it, nobody says it) and most of the reporters there shill for Israel; they're only 'liberal' when they criticize anybody else - otherwise they're hawkish when it comes to protecting Israeli interests. Hey, they fired their BEST reporter Peter Arnett because he was unbiased and they fired Octavia Nasr for having an opinion (something that I'm told is common in a democracy) so dumping a meth head (especially someone stupid enough to tell his arresting officer he has drugs in his pockets!) would be a no-brainer; But NOOOOOOO! The Mr. Bean copycat still has a job. I used to enjoy Quest when he was on The BBC; he was so insane (I think they deliberately let him run riot just so that they could laugh at him behind his back) at the drab BBC that he livened up the proceedings; but at CNN he was insufferable. It's hard to stand apart when you're a clown because the circus around you is even more ridiculous than you are! He seems to get picked for news that's NOT in his field of expertise and I don't learn a thing from his reports! No good if you're going to call yourself a journalist. I wouldn't be surprised if this is HIS (unique) way of getting himself fired! Amazing! Perhaps you should have tried to DELIBERATELY get yourself fired; then they would have retained you!"

It's been a while since I truly maintained this site in a manner befitting it and its storied history, and, believe me, no one's more upset about that than me. But I guess it's nice that I can still draw the occasional Thorazine-addled reader onto the premises.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Comment of the Day


In response to my Daily Banter piece on the dethroned Miss Delaware Teen USA Melissa King, which was cross-posted over at the Huffington Post: (Remember, the title of the column was "Today, We Are All Beauty Pageant Winners Who Did Amateur Porn.")

"No, we are not all beauty pageant winners or amateur porn performers.

Some of us are doctors, lawyers, scientists, chefs, teachers, physical therapists, veterinarians and pilots. Some of us chose to rely on our brains and skills to make our way in the world instead of trading on our youth and beauty and sexual appeal to horndog men. We knew better than to do porn for money.

Sorry, but anyone who does porn has no business in any role where girls are expected to look up to them or where they will be role models for girl children.

Men like you are behind the destruction of girls and women's lives, men like you who consume porn and who think that girls exist for your sexual arousal, titillation and gratification, men like you who want porn for masturbatory material, men like you who want prostitutes available to service you. Porn is prostitution, it is having sex for money. that is prostitution, and you are perfectly happy to turn our daughters into prostitutes because your heart and soul are too calicified and depraved to know that love and sex are sacred gifts not meant to be exploited by crass capitalism. Men like you reduce women to objects here to service men and their programed misogynistic and patriarchal sexual desires.

No, we women are not all beauty pageant winners or porn performers. But it is looking like most men are pornheads who view women as nothing but objects and body parts. Blame yourself."


Mere words can't express how much I love the HuffPost peanut gallery. It's where the ability to know a joke when you see one goes to die.

By the way, the screen-name of the commenter?

"Whalepeace."

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Comment of the Week



In response to the "Open Letter to Texas" that I posted a couple of weeks back.

"Wow...

Jealous, much? I wonder why your family left you to come to DALLAS? You're a whining b*tch, who believes everything he sees on CNN or reads in ... the daily banter. You appear to be full of knowledge and support... because you surround yourself with like minded individuals, and you are in useless California! CA would LOVE to be like Texas, however... your state leadership and economy couldn't support your national independence.

With all your quoted figures and numbers, why did you leave your sources out? ... evidently you do not know how to write... and 'TEXAS' has low education scores? Also, another observation of information you conveniently ommitted? Perhaps you should mention that; Texas would be the 15th largest economy in the world?, or that Texas has operated within a balanced physical budget while the majority of the other states have failed to accomplish this? By the way, how's the CA bankruptcy talks going? You guys still need some money, huh? ...

Since you brought up the United States Armed Forces, the state of Texas supplies the MOST recruits to the armed forces, AND has accrued the most casualties as a result ...

STFU

~ Texas

www.texas.gov

-- Anonymous"


Let's give a big round of applause for Governor Rick Perry, everybody. A few seriously questionable punctuation choices and quite a bit of confusing grammar, but not one misspelled word.*

Really, it's the addition of the website address at the end that really takes this from mildly funny to flat-out transcendent.

(Actually, "ommitted" is misspelled and as somebody pointed out, he probably means "fiscal" budget rather than "physical" -- I read through this very early and my brain doesn't work before before maybe 9:30AM -- all of which makes this little comment the gift that keeps on giving and a glowing testament to the might of Texas's education system.)

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Comment of the Week


In response to the rabidly pro-Penn State tweets posted earlier today:

"As a Penn State graduate, let me assure you that many who go or went there are just as disgusted with this whole mess. The mistake you are making is saying that it is almost cult like. I lived in State College for 7 years and can affirm that the 'We are…Penn State!' crew is a cult and you have to look at them in that way. It’s going to take years to deprogram them from thinking that it wasn’t possible for Paterno to do anything wrong. I would say that they are all still in the first stages of deep denial and that belief in the almighty JoePa is trumping intelligence. Even the devotion I’ve seen in fans of some of the big Florida colleges pales when compared to Penn Staters, though you may get close in Texas. Paterno had been sold as a man of principle and character for so many years throughout Pennsylvania and beyond that it has become an article of faith. Even I first thought 'There’s no way he could have known.' when the story first broke and I really give no fucks for the football program. I quickly got beyond that when the façade was pulled back and the whole stinking mess was exposed. I'm really not trying to make excuses for these kids, but they have been more or less brainwashed since birth. Then again, they may just be assholes.

-- Matt"


Thanks for the comment, Matt. As usual, you've just won a brand new Chrysler Cordoba and you can pick it up at Morty's office.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Comment of the Week


From regular reader, always brilliant commenter, writer and attorney Eric, responding to the argument that smoking marijuana should be considered a civil right.

"Mmmmmmm--no.

Look, if I had my druthers, marijuana wouldn't just be decriminalized, it would be legalized and states would sell it the same way they do alcohol and tax the hell out of it. My state grows a lot of the stuff and we could use the revenue. And the War On Drugs corrupts law enforcement, ties up court systems with a lot of piddling horseshit, incarcerates a lot of non-violent 'criminals', creates a lot of incidental violent crime via prohibition, and has all sorts of nasty effects.

There's lots of good arguments for decriminalization and/or legalization, in short. More arguments than there are for criminalization.

But 'it's my civil right to do what I want with my body' isn't one of them. Because, you know, it's not really true: first, because society can forbid you from doing things that affect others. Second, because society can implement at least some restrictions to keep you from hurting yourself. And society can implement restrictions to protect people who can't protect themselves. So it is that society can regulate food additives, alcohol sales, smoking, seatbelts, motorcycle helmets, assorted drugs and all sorts of things that one might try and say "it's my body."

There are a number of incredibly irritating marijuana advocates in this country who will annoyingly overstate health benefits, understate health risks, and make all sorts of spurious arguments about incidental and industrial uses of hemp, when all they really want is to get high. If they confined themselves to making the argument that marijuana is almost certainly somewhere between tobacco and alcohol on the spectrum of health and public safety and that society just can't afford to keep processing minor drug offenders through the courts and incarcerating many of them, they'd be on to something. But no. They have to go on as if weed were a miracle plant and all they're concerned with is the general welfare and enlightenment of humanity, blah, blah, blah. You know what it does? It doesn't make anyone want to legalize pot, it fills people who might otherwise favor legalization with an urge to fire potheads out of a very large cannon aimed at the middle of the ocean."


That just about sums it up.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Comment of the Week


Forever ago -- or at least last May, which seems like forever ago after drinking three glasses of absinthe at the Viper Room last night -- I posted a really weird conversation I had via Facebook message with a stranger who asked me to do him a favor: He wanted me to go into a CNN friend of mine's photo album and tag pictures of Kiran Chetry to a fan page he'd supposedly set up for her. This odd request, of course, immediately led to a lot of subtle and not-so-subtle mockery on my part aimed in his direction.

Needless to say, I didn't do what he asked. What I did do, though, was contact my CNN friend and find out if she knew anything about this guy; she quickly informed me that he was a Kiran Chetry foot-fetishist who'd been bugging her for months for shots of the (now former) CNN anchor's admittedly impressive feet and toes.

Well, it took almost a year to hear back from the Kiran Foot Worshiper, but I think he may have finally made himself known again. This is the anonymous comment I just got on the original post:

"Kiran chetry is so hot. Kiran should wear nude thigh hi stockings to work and have tall blk. Boots on. Kiran tied me down to her bed really tight and gagged me with a bar of yellow dial soap then wrapped ductape over my mouth and around my head a few times. Kiran comes back ten hours later and walks in with thigh hi stockings and boots only she had a whip and she unties my ankles then flips me over and my wrists are tied up behind my back. I got whipped hard for twenty minutes. That made me dig my teeth into the soap. It tasted horrible. Then kiran puts me face up and rode me. Hard then kiran chetry lays me on the floor.face up and she slid a boot off. Kirans stocking foot looked so sexy in nude thigh hi stockings. She did bith then finally kiran took the soap out if my mouth that I had almost swallowed and sucked on for twelve hours. She let me rinse. Kiran said the punishment didnt even start yet. I sucked on her stockinged feet for a while then she made me take care of her as she rode me again. Then kiran leaves and comes back with a bottle of ajax antibacterial soap a bucket and a sponge. Kiran drops the soap in the bucket and grabs the sponge and pours alot if ajax on it then puts the nozzle in my mouth and squeezed it.for ten seconds then washed my mouth out with soap for a while. Kiran moved the sponge in and out with soap and water for a longtime. Then kiran chetry put the bar of dial soap in my mouth and.scrubbed jt in and out for an hour. Kiran yelled at me and made me lick and suck on the soap then kiran pushed it around with her sexy toes then covered my mouth with her sweaty toes and wrapped ductape over her foot and around my head five times. Kiran went to sleep and said hope you figure out a wAy to breathe. I had such a hardon smelling her sweaty and knowing its been ductaped there to block soap.from coming out. Aftet about twenty minutes latet I started to struggle to breathe then I started swallowing lots of soap then I swallowed a bar of soap and I panicked and got too wound up from smelling kiran chetrys feet and she noticed and started pleasuring herself and she started to drip on me then she pinched my nose with her two toes and pulled a pair of pantyhose over my face and her feet then I tried to yell for help but it was muffled by her feet then kiran said im gonna get you.more bar soap and then I shot my biggest load ever and she stood up and really shut off all air supply and told me to take one last sniff of her feet and I did then I passed out."

So, yeah. I guess from now on you can feel free to send your XXX Kiran Chetry foot fan fiction my way.

And if this comment was the first thing you read on this Saturday morning -- you're welcome.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Comment of the Week


Posted in response to Monday's "Burden in Their Hand" piece:

"I'm a Tea Partier (Agnostic) and would like to explain our side of the story to you rather mystified folks.

One common thread seen in liberal blogs is confusion and rage. I felt that way too in my twenties when I had no idea how the world worked and was pissed I wasn't being handed out free money.

And in this liberal blog like all the rest we see that same rage reflected, and understandably.

Since few of the commenters here - and certainly not the writer - are interested in free market economics, it follows that you're not interested in what screws up free market economics, are you?

Instead you rail against those of us who pay your bills under that system, and that we're not paying you enough.

We on the right were all just like you once, and are happy to pay your bills only to the point that you learn how to do it yourself.

You can even call us greedy when we keep a little of our earnings for ourselves."


-- Todd Dunning

It might be a good idea, Todd, that before you begin criticizing the supposed rage-filled rants of others you do your homework and not make your own blanket assumptions about the people your diatribes are aimed at. I can't speak for everyone on this particular thread -- although I do know the backgrounds of one or two people here -- but I haven't been some doe-eyed kid in almost two decades, at least. I'll be 42 in December and trust me when I tell you I have a damn good idea how the world works. I've earned a very nice living throughout my life and continue to do better than a lot of people. You're not providing the financial charity without which I and at least a good portion of the readers here wouldn't be able to speak our minds. So please spare me the tired maxim that if you're a conservative at 20 you have no heart and if you're a liberal at 40 you have no brain. I guarantee you you're not the one and only "adult" in the room, as you seem to condescendingly believe you are. Thanks for being the very sort of cliché you conveniently decry, though.

What we're witnessing right now in conservative politics goes far beyond a few people wanting to keep the money they've earned while everyone else apparently expects some kind of handout. You can believe that all you'd like, but much like your initial assumption about those who disagree with you, you'll be comically wrong. The current model of Republicanism -- and I generally try to qualify that statement simply because while the GOP has always protected the very wealthy to some extent, even at the expense of the less-fortunate, this level of naked class warfare is something new altogether -- seems to be about protecting a very small portion of the population at all costs, even at the expense of the vast swath of those who aren't just getting "handouts" but who are earning and yet still struggle. The American dream we all learned about in school was never that you sit around waiting for somebody to throw money at you; it was simply that if you work hard, even at a middle-class brand of job, you can provide for you and your family and can live a decent life. The ability to do that has now been chipped away through years of corporate deregulatory largesse and the coddling of those who basically gamble people's money away and make billions even when those people -- and the people gambling, by the way, thanks to hedge fund types -- lose and lose very big. Being rich didn't used to be a zero-sum game -- and I know many conservatives love to claim it isn't at all -- but these days there are those who actually make money when others go down hard and when Wall Street fails big, the rest of us have to bail it out anyway. Which means that, yes, it kind does feel like a zero-sum situation right now.

Beyond that, what the GOP is now trying to do is dismantle any form of social program that actually helps people and, if possible, hand it over to the generally soulless free market barons who've already proven that they'll tear through the American working and middle class, grab a cocktail at lunch and occasionally be in the Hamptons by dinner. Believe it or not, that's not all that much of an exaggeration and if you really believe it's some kind of liberal fantasy ripe for easy dismissal by you, the hypocritical nonsense that is the Tea Party, whomever, then there's probably not much I can say to convince you otherwise regardless. You're just too set in your ways -- having been on this earth for as long as you have, oh great grown-up -- and I'm wasting my time.

Everything I wrote in the piece you've chosen to comment on is true. I didn't make up the fact that the House Republicans who would rather slice off their own arms than submit to new taxes on the wealthy or well-off are now fighting to stop the extension of a payroll tax break for largely working class people. I couldn't invent that kind of shamelessness, even in my most imaginative delusion.

Incidentally, while I certainly appreciate your comment, next time you might want to make an actual argument as opposed to just being a patronizing jerk who steps in for no other reason than to arrogantly declare that he's smarter than everybody else. Trust me on this -- you're not.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Comment of the Week


"Wow! I am suprised at the vitriol I read here. I too will pray for you sir and hope that you find joy in something good for once. I research what Glen Beck says thoroughly and find he speaks the truth. I have observed his 'rantings' and find them heartfelt and honest. Of course, the Huffington post that you work for accepts major cash donations from George Soros who has a beef with Glen for exposing his plan for the U.S. monetary system. How much are YOU getting paid to deride him sir? Your boss also says the same things that Mr. Soros says. Post this if you are truthfull and honest, sir, and take your best shot and please, please, keep your comments to that which you can prove and cite sources. As I said before, my prayers are for you and those you work with."

-- Brad Roe Sr.

Yes, every time my weekly Soros check clears I literally pour that big bag of money onto the bed and roll around in it naked, à la Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal. It's a testament to just how hilariously gullible Beck's zombiefied acolytes are that they'll believe the Soros-as-Evil-Puppet-Master meme even so far as being willing to buy into the idea of him paying out a legion of hapless relative pipsqueaks like me.

The interesting thing is that this is the piece Brad is commenting on -- from, oh, you know, March of last year:

"The Glenn Beck Show Generator" (Originally Published, 3.18.09)

Swallowed as a single, sour dose, the average episode of Glenn Beck's nightly cable show goes down like liquid acid and produces just about the same result. To the uninitiated viewer, watching an hour of Beck's psychotic ravings, crackpot conspiracy theories, maudlin tales of personal tragedy, and generally demented sky-is-falling routine must feel a little like stepping out of reality and into a Dali painting. But while no one jumps the crazy train as far off the rails as Beck these days, there is a certain method to his madness -- you just have to take a couple of steps back and look at the big picture for it to come into focus. As with any kind of seemingly incomprehensible insanity, there are patterns amid the chaos; the hallucinatory mania that fuels Beck's delusional behavior actually adheres to a pretty strict set of rules, even if those rules are based on fantasies and thought processes only Beck himself understands.

In other words, there's a blueprint to his batshit luancy. His shows follow a relatively by-the-numbers formula. In fact, once you crack the code of crazy, just about anybody can put together an episode of the Glenn Beck show.

Give it a try yourself. Just follow the simple multiple choice format below.

Open & Welcome: Glenn says hello, thanks everyone for watching and spends a few minutes...

1. Repeatedly asking the director to zoom in on his face while he screams about how the United States is on the "road to socialism."

2. Misappropriating the works of Ayn Rand.

3. Adjusting himself in his seat and creepily stroking his nipples while making faces which would indicate that he's taking no small amount of pleasure in it.

Glenn then welcomes his first guest (who agrees with everything he says):

1. Dennis Miller

2. Art Bell

3. His psychiatrist

Followed by a second guest (who disagrees with everything he says):

1. Dennis Kucinich

2. Al Sharpton

3. Shepard Smith

Glenn points his doughy finger and tells the guest he's/she's...

1. An enemy of the state.

2. A "scumbag."

3. Melting right before his eyes.

Then, apropos of nothing, he compares Barack Obama to...

1. Hitler.

2. The 9/11 families -- whom he still hates.

3. Troy Sullivan, the kid who lived up the block from him as a child and would come by when no one was home and make him dress up in his sister's clothes for "afternoon tea," although there was never any tea -- just pain, so much pain.

...And blames him for...

1. ABC's decision to cancel Twin Peaks.

2. His erectile dysfunction.

3. Everything.

Glenn then boasts about...

1. The overwhelming public response to that ridiculous "912 Project" initiative.

2. The numbers his show is pulling down at Fox, particularly in comparison to what he was getting at CNN.

3. What a friend he has in Jesus.

...And introduces a brand new segment of the show with the obligatorily muscular sounding name:

1. "The War Chest"

2. "The Men's Room"

3. "The Tool Box"

The goal of which is to...

1. Map out various apocalyptic scenarios since the inauguration of Barack Obama, as a service to America's paranoid survivalist sociopath community.

2. Prove that the moon landing was a hoax.

3. Impress Sarah Palin.

Next, once again apropos of nothing, he blurts out something random and completely irrational, like...

1. "There it is! Do you hear that? Don't tell me you can't hear that!"

2. "We surround them!"

3. "The government!"

...And claims that _____ is _____:

1. FEMA/constructing internment camps for America's dwarf population

2. global warming/bullshit

3. he/so fucking high

He then begins to cry uncontrollably because, in his personal life...

1. His wife Tania is finally divorcing him.

2. His AA sponsor committed suicide.

3. The hemorrhoids are back.

Finally, he composes himself, smirks, chuckles, and reminds viewers that...

1. He's so fucking high.

2. Due to a tachyon bombardment created by Ozymandias, he doesn't, in fact, have the ability to see the future.

3. It's all an act to get ratings.

Glenn thanks his sponsor...

1. Entenmann's

2. Supercuts

3. Zoloft

...And plugs his...

1. Book.

2. Radio show.

3. Ears against the voices.

Close & Goodnight: Glenn says, "Thanks so much for joining us tonight, and remember to tune in to the show tomorrow for..."

1. "Day 1,113 of my sanity held hostage."

2. "My exclusive interview with an angry chimpanzee dressed as Lyndon LaRouche."

3. "The end of days."

Toss to Special Report with Bret Baier, go home and sleep it off.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Comment of the Week


"The false equivalency model is fully deployed by the left on the Wikileaks matter. Vietnam and Afghanistan are not equatable. Because Vietnam was a total clusterfuck does not mean Afghanistan is as well. If your country is at war, that fact alone does not justify giving aid and comfort to an enemy solely to oppose 'war.' Ellsberg survived because by the time he leaked the Papers the public had largely made its determination that Vietnam was unjust and unnecessary. History has verified that conclusion. Imagine if Ellsberg had leaked in 1967 instead of 1971. Manning is now in the unenviable position of hoping for a Vietnam-like outcome in Afghanistan. Otherwise, by the time he is released from Leavenworth his anus will have the circumference of a coffee cup.

-- Namron, on the Greenwald/Manning/Wikileaks saga

Friday, October 1, 2010

Comment of the Week


From Eric, commenting on the recently discovered O'Dozzy photo:

"Wow. One of those two is a brain-damaged former Satanist who used to appear regularly on cable TV issuing a stream of unintelligible gibberish surrounded by B-list celebrities and the other is Ozzy Osborne."

Congratulations, Eric. As always, you've won a brand new Chrysler Cordoba and you can pick it up at Morty's office.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Bonus Comment of the Week


This is one for the ages:

"I have never understood the popular/critical love affair with this hack.

The Sixth Sense was a movie where if you guessed the 'twist' during the first fifteen minutes, the rest of the movie was a tedious, crashing, awful bore. Unbreakable is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, thanks in part to a priceless scene where Bruce Willis loses a fistfight with a pool cover, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't meant to be a comedy. I have to admit I never saw any of Shymalan's films after that--but Sense and Unbreakable were the only two to get good reviews, so what does that tell you?

So I'm a little put off by the critics seeming surprised that a crappy director has made what is apparently a crappy movie, or that they're putting this down to being part of some kind of 'streak' when, as far as I'm concerned, the 'streak' is MNS' entire oeuvre. When Robot Chicken turned random appearances of a Shymalan doll exclaiming 'What a tweeeest!' into a running gag it was probably the first time I'd seen anyone in the mass culture get it right.

The guy's a hack. An utter fucking hack.

I mean, by comparison take The Usual Suspects for a second: even when you know the tweeeest it's still a fucking incredible movie that works as a heist caper built around Gabriel Byrne's charisma and Kevin Spacey's devious performance. And a lot of it is the fact that Bryan Singer actually knows how to make a good movie, as opposed to a mediocre or even bad movie that's betting everything on the audience getting wowed in the third act by a tweeeeest that Rod Serling would've passed up unless he just had a deadline he wasn't going to make otherwise. ('Wait--I've got to write fifteen more Twilight Zone scripts by Tuesday to make the production schedule?!? Fuck it, call Dick Matheson and Chuck Beaumont and tell 'em they owe me five teleplays each while I grind out some crap about a dead guy who doesn't know he's dead... speaking of which, call those French guys who did the Owl Creek Bridge short and tell 'em we're buying the broadcast rights from 'em.')

Sorry: am I on a rant? Yes I am. Because I fucking hate M. Night Shymalan. The man is a bloody hack and his career should have ended ten years ago, and almost all the critics who are pounding Airbender now probably ought to shut up because it's at least partly their fault Unbreakable wasn't a straight-to-SciFi's-Saturday-Night-Movie release instead of a fucking feature. If they'd noticed how inept a filmmaker he was in the mid '90s maybe MNS would be drinking Sterno in a gutter already, the fucker."

-- Eric, commenting on the abysmal reviews for the new M. Night Shyamalan movie

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Comment of the Week


In response to the Lara Logan Quote of the Day from yesterday: This came from a close friend of mine who's been in the cable news business for years and remains there today, therefore, I'll keep her identity anonymous. Suffice it to say, though, that I trust her implicitly -- and everything she says here, sent via e-mail, is a matter of public record.

I'm not one to judge, since I think journalism is an inherently amoral business, but it's an amusing factoid given the sanctimonious tone Logan takes when discussing her "personal life."

"Let’s not forget that Lara Logan was IMPREGNATED by a man she did a story on. I think it’s a nice little coda to your story. She reported on a married contractor, filming him both in Iraq and at his home in (I believe) Texas with his wife and young baby. The reason she was on maternity leave was because she gave HIM an all-access pass and apparently there were no ground rules, but a lot was laid down. This was while she was dating CNN’s war-star Michael Ware. Bottom Line: she wasn’t just figuratively blowing her interview subjects. And, while she may or may not be a half-way decent reporter (and I’m not exactly sold on her abilities so much as her producers'), let’s also not forget she started out at the Barbizon School of Journalism – she was a bathing suit model before she got her big break."

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Comment of the Week


"Let's take a ride in Bill (Whites)'s Way-Back Machine, shall we?:

'Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise.'

-- James Madison, 1774

'How has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?'

-- John Adams, 1816

'Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced an inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth... I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world, and do not find in our particular superstition (Christianity) one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology.'

-- Thomas Jefferson (whose original words in the Declaration of Independence read 'All men are created equal and independent. From that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable,' which Congress later changed to include a reference to a creator).

'Of all the animosities which have existed among mankind, those which are caused by the difference of sentiments in religion appear to be the most inveterate and distressing, and ought most to be depreciated.'

--George Washington, 1792

'I wish [Christianity] were more productive of good works ... I mean real good works, not holy-day keeping, sermon-hearing, or making long prayers, filled with flatteries and compliments despised by wise men, and much less capable of pleasing the Deity.'

-- Benjamin Franklin

'Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half of the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind.'

--Thomas Paine

A five minute google search is all you need to see that our secular, deist, Freemason founding fathers were practically falling over each other to keep religion out of the framework of the new, enlightened government they had created."


-- Votar, responding to the Sarah Palin Quote of the Day regarding our invoked-to-death Founding Fathers' supposed feelings on the subject of the link between church and state

Congratulations, Votar. You've won yourself a half-eaten roll of Certs (now with a tiny drop of Retsyn).

Special "Photoshop of the Week" credits go, as usual, to Greg -- who earns the first ever "Chez's Evil Twin Garth Honorary Award for Most Inspired Simultaneous Desecration of a Religious and Cultural Icon" for the utterly offensive and thoroughly brilliant image. This could actually be the first time in the history of this site that I feel like I probably just punched my ticket to hell.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Comment of the Week


"Ooooh, this seems like fun! How Lesbians Make Breeders Stupid and Unsafe: The Comment Game!

1) The males in attendance will be too busy hooting and catcalling to fulfill they prom duties: dancing horribly, spiking punch, and making sure their dates get their required amount of rohypnol.

2) Old man Johnson may start rambling about the time he saw a Thai hooker do things with a can of soup that would make everyone retch.

3) As Joe Francis has taught them, lesbian acts are only acceptable when you are drunk and trying to impress a guy. So in this case, near alcohol poisoning will be involved, and they don't want to encourage underage drinking.

4) It's all Obama's fault.


-- Vermillion, commenting on the official statement canceling the Itawamba High School prom in Fulton, Mississippi due to fear of lesbian infestation

Friday, January 15, 2010

Comment of the Week


"'After alienating their only remaining viewer, NBC will become the first network to pull a 0/0 ratings share in the history of broadcast television.'

In the year three thousand...

'The long-dead and rotting corpse of Jay Leno will finally retire, passing the reins of The Tonight Show on to rising NBC star, Luke Russert XVII.'

In the year three thousand...

'Gigi Ebersol Leno Wright-Zucker, President of NBC/Omni Consumer Products, will preview an exciting fall lineup of brand new shows including, Manimal: Redux, Mr. T and Tina: The Early Years and Survivor: Serial Killer Edition.'

In the year three thousand...

Feel free to pile on."


-- Kanye

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Comment of the Week


"I don't feel so bad now that over my bed, I too have a portrait of myself as a great mythical creature: Cthulhu, a grotesque, scaly, squid-like protoplasmic mass from another galaxy.

Chicks dig the tentacles."


-- Votar, commenting on yesterday's post about how Alex Rodriguez supposedly has a portrait of himself as a mythical centaur hanging over his bed

Friday, October 16, 2009

Comment of the Week


"If a boy stows away in a backyard science experiment and then falls to a horrible death, reminding people of the immense responsibility and terrible anxiety of parenting, then you've got a news story.

If a backyard science experiment floats away and the kid hides in the attic, then you've got a time out."


-- ntx, reacting to the "balloon boy" story

Congratulations, ntx. You've just won a brand new Chrysler Cordoba and you can pick it up at Morty's office.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Comment of the Week


From cousinavi, in response to yesterday's Saturday Morning Cartoon:

"Bugs Bunny quotes are appropriate political commentary for almost any situation.

Cheney demanding the release of classified documents:

'OPEN UP THE DRAWBRIDGE! OPEN UP THE DRAWBRIDGE!'

(slam)

'Clomph ud! Clomph ud! Clommph ud uh ugunh!'

Congress versus the CIA on matters of credibility:

'Of course you know, this means war.'

Meghan McCain with her father on November 6:

'Oh father! Beaten by a giant mouse.'

GOP Foreign Policy:

'I'm a'gonna blow ya to smithereenies!'

Cheney defending torture:

'I'm a chickenhawk and yer a chicken. Now are ya gonna come along peaceable, or does I have ta muss yas up?'"


Congratulations, cousinavi -- you've just won 1,000,000 GBP, compliments of Google. Just send me your full name, social security number and e-mail password and it's all yours. Thanks for playing!