Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

There Ain't No Sanity Clause 2: Boston Boogaloo


Last week I posted a link to a Facebook conversation between a bunch of lunatic conspiracy theorists and a friend of mine, Josh Olson, who had proceeded to tear them apart piece by piece. These people were of course alleging Alex Jonesian nonsense in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing, crap like the ever-popular "false flag" terrorism claims and the ridiculous and easily debunkable rumors of a "controlled explosion" on the day of the blasts.

As I said at the time, the world of the conspiracy theorist is where ignorance and arrogance meet, because these morons truly do believe that they're the only people who really know what's going on and the rest of us are the stupid ones, when in reality it's of course exactly the opposite. Under normal circumstances, it'd be best to ignore the Alex Jones crowd completely, because there's simply no arguing with someone who will not accept reality, who won't believe what their own eyes see and what their own ears hear and who are convinced that there's some dark secret lurking behind the veil of every single fucking thing they experience. But the problem is that, thanks to social media, these clowns now have a voice and thanks to the sheer volume of media outlets these days they have the ability to occasionally subvert respectable journalism and inject their insanity into the mainstream. Case in point: what happened last week at a critical news conference in the immediate wake of the bombings, when Info Wars "reporter" and raving dipshit Dan Bidondi hijacked the spotlight by bombarding Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick with questions about false flag terrorism and government cover-ups.

Anyway, the same people Josh took down last week are still at it -- and so I once again invite you to put on your tinfoil hat and immerse yourself in the mentally unbalanced "reality" of the people who believe not only that the Tsarnaev brothers were unwitting patsies set up by the government, but who actually think that the victims of the attack were wounded beforehand because they would've died had they lost limbs like that, and that, in fact, there may not even have been a bombing.

Pay special attention, by the way, to the craziest and balls-out stupidest person you'll ever come into contact with: Wren Tyree.

And once again marvel at how Josh won't tolerate any of that shit.

Facebook: Christine Robert: "What's the Agenda of the Person Feeding You 'Facts?"/4.22.13

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Assistant Quote of the Day


"This is a great American success story gone horribly wrong. Eduardo Saverin wants to defriend the United States of America just to avoid paying taxes. We aren't going to let him get away with it."

-- Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York

Chuck Schumer making a ham-fisted old-guy reference to "defriending." That just gives me douche-chills.

This afternoon, Schumer and Sen. Bob Casey of Pennsylvania introduced legislation known as the Ex-PATRIOT act, which stands for "Expatriation Prevention by Abolishing Tax-Related Incentives for Offshore Tenancy."* The bill is aimed at slapping a hefty financial penalty on any American who leaves the United States for the purpose of avoiding taxes and ensuring that that person isn't allowed back in the country. It comes in response to Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin's decision to renounce his U.S. citizenship ahead of Facebook's IPO, reportedly in an effort to get around having to pay taxes on the billions he's going to make.

Jesus, is there anyone associated with the founding of Facebook who wasn't a complete asshole?

*There's apparently someone in the Capitol whose job is specifically to come up with really clever acronyms for bills. I want that job.

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Anti-Social Network


"You Know You Want It"

-- Tagline from the 1995 Kathryn Bigelow film Strange Days, which centers around a character who deals in "clips" of people's lives, extracted directly from their cerebral cortexes



Christopher Chaney now says he's sorry.

For those who haven't been playing along at home, Chaney is the 35-year old Jacksonville, Florida man who admits to hacking the e-mail accounts of a few dozen celebrities, including Scarlett Johansson, Christina Aguilera and Mila Kunis. (Yeah, I didn't know anyone in Jacksonville knew how to use a computer either.) He says that once he got in, he set up a forward feature that basically sent a copy of any e-mail to and from his victims' accounts directly to him. Chaney's actions may have been what led to nude photos of Johansson leaking out onto the internet, so if you feel like writing to thank him, at least he'll have a pretty stable address for the next 121 years or so.

In a recent interview with a Fox News affiliate, Chaney fell all over himself to grovel at the feet of the starlets whose privacy he invaded, saying that what started as a minor diversion quickly became a full-blown obsession for him. He describes himself as having ultimately become "addicted" to the 24/7 streams that gave him unfiltered access to some of the most famous women in the world -- and he says that when the FBI finally battering-rammed his door and ripped his computer out of the wall, it was actually something of a relief.

Of course what Chaney did was unequivocally wrong. But two things: First, would you be able to give up that kind of rush once you'd mainlined it? Would you be able to just walk away from a window into the uncensored, real life of, say, Mila Kunis? Second, how thoroughly have we as a culture devalued privacy anyway? For many of us, the threshold at which we lose our tolerance for our once-guarded lives being made public has risen considerably over the past several years. If you're reading this, there's a pretty good chance you know more about me than you ever could have known were we all living in the 1950s -- or really at any period before the advent of social networking and the rise of reality television. What's more, you know what goes on in my life because I offer it to you willingly -- on Facebook and Twitter, through this site and even in a memoir. Like millions of other people -- millions of you -- I live my life at least partially in the public eye, not as some kind of celebrity but just as an average person who's chosen to allow you a glimpse into his life. For all I know, my "reality" is your prime time entertainment -- as is the reality of a whole lot of other people.

But how real is what I'm offering you? If I have the ability to share only as much as I want, even if it seems to you like it's an immense amount, how can you be sure you're getting something genuine? And does the specifically edited slice of life that I or anyone else provides online -- or that television producers engineer on so-called "reality TV" -- simply whet your appetite for the whole pie? Might you even feel entitled to know the truth?

Social media sell the illusion of intimacy and honesty -- and we're admittedly a more exposed society than any that's come before us. But after a while, surrounded by all of this supposed openness, I have to believe that our cynical institutional memory kicks into overdrive and we start to question whether the honesty itself is a lie. Again, if that threshold has shifted drastically and what's being pitched almost constantly as "real" isn't real at all -- if our entire popular culture is now nothing but the Matrix -- imagine how far you'd have to go to experience the authentic. How much of an obsession it would become to get beyond the lie.

Maybe that was part of the thrill for Christopher Chaney. The tearing down of the artifice. The peek behind the curtain -- a curtain that's often sold to the public as partially transparent, but which we know damn well isn't at all.

Although there's a pretty good chance Chaney was just hoping to see Scarlett Johansson and Vanessa Hudgens naked. And I guess I can't blame him for that.


I've written before about our invasive entertainment culture and how privacy is quickly becoming an archaic notion. Even before the recent News Corp hacking scandal -- which centers around acts that I maintain were committed as a matter of policy, mostly because the notion of privacy has become such an afterthought -- I dug into it a little in a piece from October of last year on the suicide of Rutgers Student Tyler Clementi. The column drew all kinds of fire at the Huffington Post.


"Tyler's Burden" (Originally Published, 10.7.10)



By any standard, the death of Tyler Clementi is a tragedy.

At this point, you're probably well aware that late last month Clementi, an 18-year-old Rutgers University student, killed himself by jumping off the George Washington Bridge between New York and New Jersey; he did this apparently because his college roommate and a friend had surreptitiously set up a web-cam in his dorm room and streamed a sexual encounter he had with another man on the internet. Clementi's death is the latest in a series of recent and highly publicized suicides of kids, some of whom were or believed they might be gay, two of whom were only 13.

Once again, genuinely heartbreaking tragedies? Absolutely.

But an epidemic? Not a chance.

And yet that's not stopping many in the media from desperately attempting to connect dots that in reality have no connection whatsoever and trying to draw some larger conclusion from the series of similar but entirely unrelated events. Statistically, there's been no recent increase in the number of documented bullying incidents, nor has there been an increase in the number of teen suicides nationwide; there's simply coincidence and an American press that's suddenly attuned to spot items of a certain kind and broadcast them far and wide, creating a strangely symbiotic feeding frenzy wherein the stories reported in the news seem to inspire new incidents like the ones that created those stories in the first place. There weren't really more sharks making the conscious decision to attack unfortunate swimmers in the summer of 2001; there were just more reported -- and reported on -- shark attacks.

And if you believe quite a few news outlets, that's what the autumn of 2010 is shaping up to be: the new Summer of the Shark. Only with bullies.

There's nothing particularly wrong with drawing attention to an issue that negatively impacts a lot of people, and obviously kids getting the crap kicked out of them by bigger, more popular, more obnoxious kids has been a problem for generations. Throw in digital age technology, which now allows for the psychological torment that used to be confined only to school to be relentless and omnipresent, and you've certainly got yourself a topic that on the whole is worth discussing. But it's one that can and should be reported without the sort of hype that accompanies a supposed "epidemic"; the story is good enough on its own without having to create a bombastic news peg to blow it out of proportion, making it sound like, no matter who you are, bullies are waiting right outside your door to shake you down for your lunch money or have told everyone online that you're gay. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that the gay angle that many in the media are putting front and center right now is really the least controversial thing about the death of Tyler Clementi. That's because of one undeniable fact: Tyler Clementi isn't really dead because he was gay.

Don't get me wrong, as with at least three other cases this year in which a young person was harassed to the point of suicide, Tyler Clementi had his personal life splashed all over the internet because that personal life included the desire to be intimate with someone of the same sex. The desperate wish not to see that exposed, ostensibly, led him to kill himself. But this doesn't explain why his tormentors, the roommate and friend, felt no compunction about violating Clementi's privacy in such an egregious and cruel manner. They didn't feel like they could do it because, well, the kid's a queer, so who cares. They felt like they could do it because everybody does it. A good portion of our media culture is now based on prurient voyeurism and a constant invasion of privacy. The public disclosure of a person's most intimate secrets and moments is no longer considered shameful or condemnable -- it's just called entertainment. Why wouldn't a couple of college kids turn their classmate into an unwitting reality TV star? It's basically the same toxic horseshit they grew up watching on MTV, VH1 and E! For all they knew, maybe Tyler Clementi would've loved the mainline of notoriety. If the dipshits on Jersey Shore don't have a problem mining their most repugnant traits in the name of 15 minutes of fame -- if anyone can go to YouTube and post video of a guy complaining about how there are rapists in his neighborhood and suddenly turn that guy into a viral sensation and his complaints into a catch phrase -- why the hell can't two Rutgers freshmen live-stream a roommate in bed with a man? This is the age of the unauthorized sex tape. This is Bentham's Panopticon come to fruition on a global scale. You're always being watched. You're always on camera. You have no expectation of privacy. Clementi should have known that, right?

Which brings me to the person whose name I'm loathe to even mention for fear it'll give him more publicity and credibility than he already gets and has: Perez Hilton.

The erstwhile Mario Lavandeira has joined a group of celebrities advocating understanding and tolerance for gay young people and reaching out to them in an effort to let them know that suicide isn't the answer if they're being victimized by bullies -- particularly cyber-bullies, who mercilessly persecute their prey via the internet. Perez says that he's "beyond sad, crushed" that there are kids like Tyler Clementi out there being bullied because they're gay or think they might be gay, and that he's stepping up to provide a "role model" for the LGBT youth of America. Someone they can look to and realize that there may very well be untold wealth and success at the end of the, pardon the pun, rainbow. In case you're missing the staggering irony of all this, let me spell it out for you: Perez Hilton is the world's most famous cyber-bully. His entire career is based on publicly humiliating anyone he personally feels deserves it and he and his website are at the forefront of America's culture of shameless voyeurism and a constant, irrepressible invasion of privacy. It's because someone like Perez Hilton has spent the past few years making himself rich by indiscriminately circulating images of Miley Cyrus's crotch to the world that the two teenagers who tortured Tyler Clementi likely didn't think that what they were doing was a big deal.

What's more, the hypocrisy of Perez coming to the defense of Clementi -- a kid who was outed against his will -- is just fucking stupefying. This is the same sanctimonious turd who took credit for personally outing Lance Bass and who's been on an almost non-stop crusade to expose anyone gay he omnipotently deems necessary. The guy who delights in labeling certain men who prefer not to discuss their sexuality "fags," who draws semen on their faces, and who once said, "If I have to drag some people screaming out of the closet, I will." So what's the difference between "some people" and, say, Tyler Clementi? The difference, I'm sure Perez would say, is that Clementi wasn't a celebrity.

But here's the thing: If he had savored the attention brought on by his very public private sexual encounter instead of letting it destroy him, given our current culture, he may very well have become one.

In some ways, he became one regardless.

(A portion of this was inspired by comments made by Jim Norton yesterday on The Opie and Anthony Show, Sirius XM radio. Thanks, Jimmy, for helping to put into words what had been bugging me for a week.)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Quote of the Day


"One of the things you learn as a college president is that if an undergraduate is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o'clock, there are two possibilities. One is that they're looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that they are an asshole. This was the latter case."

-- Former Harvard President Lawrence Summers on his encounter with the very indignant Winklevoss twins, made famous in The Social Network

Man, when Larry Summers calls you an asshole...

Monday, May 23, 2011

I Love You, Kiran Chetry


An actual conversation I just had via Facebook Message with someone I've never met or spoken to before:

Avid Fan: i was wondering if you could do me a favor. XXXXXXXXX XXXX has a bunch of photos taken of kiran chetry from the royal wedding coverage in a new album and I was wondering if you could please tag the ones with kiran to her fanpage "kiranchetrycnn"? for some reason it doesnt work when i do it. If you could please just try to tag one of the photos of Kiran Chetry from XXXXXXXXX XXXX's album to her kiranchetrycnn fanpage I would really appreciate it and I will owe you one.

Me: You want me to tag photos to Kiran Chetry's fan page? Is it April Fool's Day or something?

AF: I know it sounds crazy but there were a few tagged photos of Kiran at the royal wedding on her fanpage from facebook.com/XXXXXXXXX.XXXX but they were reset for some reason. There is one in particular of Kiran sitting on a stool and if you could please tag "kiranchetrycnn" on it so it goes back to the fanpage both myself and a bunch of Kiran's fans would really appreciate it. Thank you so much!

Me: Do you know who I am -- what my history is at CNN?

AF: Yes, I know they didnt treat you well at the end. Though, if you could do this huge favor for me though I really would appreciate it.

Me: And you assumed that out of everyone in the known universe, I was the best choice to approach for this assignment -- I would be the most amenable to the idea of helping the millions of Kiran Chetry fans out there (among which I can very easily understand why you count yourself)? I for one am glad you're the future of the news-watching public, kid. By the way, do you know the real Kiran Chetry? I once watched her shoot a man just for snoring too loud. Her lower jaw also detaches so that she can eat small rodents. Most of the CNN staff is aware of this. Do you plan to use these photos for masturbation purposes? Because if so it's a) understandable, and b) I have some better ones if you have a valid credit card or Paypal account.

AF: No, they are not being used for that. Of course this is something I would do myself if XXXXXXXXX XXXX was my friend on here because she blocked the pictures only for friends and because of that the tag got removed. I dont know Kiran Chetry personally and if she isnt a nice person in real life I would rather not know about it. I know this is sad but this would mean a lot to me if you could take a couple minutes and do this.

Me: Ah, blissfully ignorant. You're definitely a fan of CNN's American Morning for all the right reasons. Kiran is a man. Pinky swear. I saw it. (Don't ask me how; it's something she made me promise to never speak of and when I even think about violating The Pact I weep openly about the fate that might befall my family.) And it's not sad. It's sweet and beautiful, your stalkerish tendency to approach strangers on Facebook and implore them to hook you up with photos of a television personality -- and don't ever let anyone, least of all the police, tell you differently.

AF: At least I am a fan of the John Roberts fan club. lol That guy doesnt even try to hide being stuck up and nasty!
*not a fan

Me: I had sex with John's wife.

AF: lol. your funny. btw..If Kiran is a man then I am really gay!

Me: Yes, I complained about wanting to turn American Morning into a comedy show but no one would listen to me. Until one day I realized it already was. Then Kiran ate a small dog and I never spoke out of turn again. And there's nothing wrong with being gay. Most television news personalities are gay; they're taken to an island off the coast of South America before they're given their on-air assignments and are converted through something called "The Trial of the Shirtless Greeks." I myself am gay from time to time. What are you doing next Saturday?

AF: Have you seen the ratings of that show.? It is a comedy show! Kiran is the only reason that it is watchable.

Me: I think you should seriously consider working on the show. They're hiring. The benefits are excellent and you'll get to see Kiran in a wife-beater every morning, which makes it less likely that you'll be eventually arrested for trying to see the same thing outside her bedroom window.

AF: man, you are really quick with your thoughts. I'm not good with comebacks.

Me: Don't be so hard on yourself. That's what Anderson Cooper is for.

AF: all I ask is that you tag one photo of Kiran from XXXXXXXXX XXXX's royal wedding album to the kiranchetrycnn fanpage. it will take you two seconds. I know your a good guy because if you werent CNN would have kept you.

Me: No. See what you get for insulting my beloved CNN?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Tagged


Of course, would Bin Laden really take part in the unholy creation of the Zionist Mark Zuckerberg?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Toy Sorry


A transcript of the conversation posted yesterday on my Facebook wall:

Status: Today's topic over beers: just in time for the holidays, inappropriate children's toy ideas. And... Go!

Chez: Peep Show Booth Cleaner Barbie (with Detachable Mop)

Noel: Vibrating Veggie Tales

Del: A Tea Party set

Chez: Fisher Price My First Period

Votar: Akbar Toys' "My First Suicide Vest"

Del: Barney's BDSM Starter Kit

Mark: Thomas the Tancredo

Chez: Fisher Price My First Time

Votar: All Aboard the Auschwitz Choo Choo

Votar: Tickle My Taint Elmo

Chez: Ratz

Scott: Tickle-Me Mark Foley Doll

Del: Swallow Some Semen Cindy

Chez: Inhellivision

Chez: The Auschwitz EZ Bake Oven

Votar: The Post-Katrina Superdome Playset

Chez: The Nidal Hasan Jihad Joe Doll

Ilsa: There is seriously a Fisher Price My First Period? I just died.

Votar: Bionic TSA Agent with X-ray Vision

Chez: Fisher Price My First Anal Scene (these are endless)

Paul: Spunk & Spell

Chez: The Commodore Prick 20

Paul: Pubic's Cube

Chez: Teddy Meatspin

Chez: Optimus Sex Crime

Paul: Titty Twister

Carlos: Mr. Potato Head: Michael Jackson Edition

Paul: Mr. Mouth (a real one which, in this context, sounds filthy)

Chez: XXXbox

Michael: Barbie with a Hidden Camera Inside... oh, wait

Carlos: Transgenders: More Than Meets the Eye

Chez: Mr. Snuffleupsomecoke

Votar: Atari's 9/11 Flight Simulator

Votar: Pokéboy

Chez: Suckle Me Elmo

Chez: Ravaged Snatch Kids

Chez: Rape Ape

Lake: The Dexter Doll Set (complete with knives, for dismemberment)

Votar: Hannah Does Montana

Chez: Port Authority Bathroom Barbie

Lake: Harry Potter Vibrating Quidditch Broom (oh, wait, Walmart already did that)

Chez: Play-Dildough

Votar: Dora Gets Deported

Chez: Mr. Microphone Tyson

Votar: Nerf Underwear Bomb

Lake: Uncle Bob's "It's Our Secret" Board Game

Monica: This post was just read out in its entirety at lunch with 7 other people. Good job. Cancer Cluster Barbie, complete with water well.

Chez: The Queef Football

Chez: Gaystation

Chez: 2 Girls, 1 Lincoln Log

Chez: The Stims (for autistic kids)

Chez: Robitussin Buzz Lightyear

Votar: The Chronicles of NAMBLA: Stories About Boys in a Closet

Votar: Touch My Wii

Chez: Kvetch-a-Sketch (perfect for Hanukkah!)

Chez: Spook Nuke 'Em (available only in the South)

Adam C: Collapsed Mine Playset -- battle your friends for the working air mask

Adam C: Little Miss Ladder-Climber with REAL Sucking Action

Votar: Emo Girl Dress Up Kit -- Now With Detachable Lip Ring, Fishnet Leggings, Fake Goth Tat, and Digital Camera (12 Hours of Free alt.binaries.my.dad.is.so.humiliated Newsgroup Access Also Included!)

Chez: Columbine Barbie

Chez: Heather Mills Leg-o Set

Maribel: Dr. 90210 Playset, complete with Botox Injections and Liposuction Canula

Chez: Travis Bickle Me Elmo

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Assistant To the Quote of the Day


"If we have to pay the Kardashians a million bucks to get back online, how much will it take to keep them off? "

-- Mary Elizabeth Williams, summing up perfectly the irony of tomorrow's planned "Digital Life Sacrifice," in which several already overexposed celebrities will boycott their own Facebook and Twitter accounts, essentially going dark, until one million dollars is raised for charity

Friday, October 1, 2010

Fright Night


Another helpful hint for living from the Committee's Almanac: I'll be out of the loop for the rest of the day and probably a good portion of tomorrow. I'm making my annual pilgrimage to the opening weekend of Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios in Orlando.

I'll probably be taking pictures and posting comments via Facebook and Twitter that are sure to become stranger and more incomprehensible as the night goes on and I plunge deeper into the black abyss of insane revelry -- so feel free to follow along on my little adventure by checking in either of those two places tonight.

Have a good one, kids.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

You Like Me, You Really Like Me


Just a housekeeping note from Malcontent Central: I've added the now ubiquitous Facebook "like" button to the bottom of each of the posts that appear on this site.

This means that from here on out you'll have the ability to make literally the least possible effort to let all your Facebook pretend friends know that there's some arbitrary thing on the internet you found entertaining.

Remember, every time you "like" me, God masturbates on a kitten.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I Am Douchebag, Hear Me Roar


So just one week out from the release of The Social Network -- a movie that reportedly goes a long way toward cementing for all eternity Mark Zuckerberg's reputation as an insufferable and conniving little prick -- and Facebook mysteriously goes down. Add to that the fact that tomorrow, Zuckerberg will appear on Oprah where he'll officially donate a hundred million dollars to Newark, New Jersey's troubled public school system and a picture starts to emerge.

Zuckerberg is Zeus, reminding all us mortals through various object lessons just how vengeful or compassionate a god he can be.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

"There's Nothing Funny About Herrman"


The transcript of a conversation that took place yesterday, via comments posted on my Facebook wall, following Germany's 4-0 rout of Argentina in the World Cup:

STATUS: I wonder if, just before piling him into a cattle car, Germany told Maradona, "Remove those watches. You will not need them. We promise they will be here waiting for you when you return."

Amanda: Heh. They OWNED those Argentinians.

Adrian: Are you really trading on a 65-year-old joke that's unfunny and insensitive at best, and blatantly offensive at worst? How much time has to pass before a football squad no longer has to answer for the actions of their military forebears? Come on, man: you're wittier than this.

Votar: Man, Germany really shoveled Argentina into an oven there....

Leigh: Maybe it's only when Germany defeats Poland in soccer will the US actually care about it.

Chez: Dude, did Jew see that last goal? Incredible.

Alison: In fairness to Chez, Adrian, it wasn't so much a joke 65 years ago as it was something that, you know...happened.

Votar: The Germans saw all these guys on the field in striped uniforms and wondered "what are all these gypsies doing outside the barbed wire?"

Chez: Argentina = Schindler's Listless

Votar: Argentina got crystal mocked.

Votar: It was the Night Of The Long Maldives

Chez: Gonna be quite a bit of fuhrer in Buenos Aires over this loss.

Votar: It should have been a race to the finish.

A Master Race, if you will.

Votar: If they did not play well, the German coach threatened to send the team on a retreat where they must think very hard about their strategy.

A Concentration Camp, if you will.

Chez: Sorry, that last comment was Goebbled... what did you say again?

Votar: Perhaps you should get your Goering checked.

Chez: Sorry. It's been on the Fritz lately.

Matt: Arbeitet macht frei!

Votar: The Germans never lost focus. They kept their auschwitz about them.

Chez: They didn't Krakow under pressure.

Amanda: Ok, these jokes are boring now. Come on.

Votar: Yeah you better keep your jokes in Czech. I can't imagine what might be coming annexed.

Chez: Yup. People are becoming Lebensbored.

Votar: Yeah looks like someone Warsaw us to ghetto the point....

Chez: Udo Kier!



Alanna: best.status comments.ever.

Votar: What a mess that pitch was after that match. To clean it they had to apply the final solution.

Chez: Nah, the rain cleaned it. Cause you know, it's raining Mengele.

Votar: The Germans were so dominant they never had to come from beHeinrich

Votar: It was the best match Eva...

Braun

Votar: It was a tough match too. The Germans really had to Bunker down at the end.

Chez: They'd have done better if they hadn't missed the Nurgemberg tryouts.

Chez: Nuremberg. I suck.

Votar: Dude. You must be drunk. SEIG HEIL!!!!!

Incidentally, Votar and I were sitting directly across from each other the entire time -- at a table littered with chicken wing scraps and empty pitchers of beer.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I Dare You To Poke Her


Is this once again the work of the merry pranksters at 4chan? Wouldn't surprise me -- but it's darn amusing either way.

(h/t Oliver Willis)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Send in the Clowns


I know it's last minute, but if anyone's interested I'll be pseudo-Twittering tonight's third and final presidential debate via my Facebook page's status bar.

If you're a "friend" of mine, feel free to join in the fun. There's no way in hell I'll be as entertaining as Patton Oswalt -- who's just a freakin' riot when he does this sort of thing -- but I'll do my best.

Chez Pazienza on Facebook