Your Argument Is Invalid

Today's Daily Banter column is all about Alex Jones and the fucking idiots who follow him like he's the pied piper of the clinically insane and the galactically stupid.

Here's a small excerpt:

"So what's the result of all this groundless conjecture, this paranoid insanity passed off as information that truly deserves to be taken seriously? The world of the conspiracy theorist, the place where ignorance and arrogance meet, since there's no bigger idiot than a guy who believes that the Boston Marathon bombing never happened, and that guy ironically always thinks he's the smartest person in the room -- what happens when that begins bleeding into the real world? Well, for some, it truly does become tough to tell what's real and what isn't anymore. It's not the government, with its supposed secret machinations and subservience to the Illuminati or whatever-the-hell, that winds up clouding reality and leaving those who only skim the news trying to figure out what's up and what's down; it's the sensational, irrational bullshit dispensed by Alex Jones and his mentally unhinged shock-troops.

And good luck arguing with them. Trying to make someone see reason who considers it a point of pride that he's unwilling to believe anything his eyes see and his ears hear is like trying to explain how the Large Hadron Collider works to a four-year-old. If you honestly think that chem trails are for real and that 9/11 was in inside job, there's just no hope for you. Debunking your views one-by-one would be useless, since the beauty of a conspiracy theory is that it's a self-reinforcing delusion. Best to just laugh at you or call you a fucking idiot to your face and be done with it."

Read the Rest Here

Quote of the Month

"You’re an asshole. And so is Alex Jones."

-- Unidentified Boston resident who took it upon himself to verbally annihilate InfoWars pretend reporter Dan Bidondi today

You have to see this. It was only a matter of time before somebody did something like this to these fucking morons.

Sir, I have no idea who you are -- but you're a goddamn hero.

That said, if you want to continue to be depressed by how stupid some people are, click over to YouTube and read the comments for this thing.

Quote of the Day

"After the establishment media called me abhorrent for talking about the ‘Family Guy’ clip and Fox pulled that episode, that was all the evidence I needed that I had stumbled upon the truth. In fact, I discovered the United States government had this false flag attack planned way back in the 1940s, when the Road Runner and the Coyote were created. Let’s look at the facts: the Coyote is this loner, a pathetic loser who is always trying to kill and maim the Road Runner with dangerous explosives he got from the ACME Corporation, which sounds just like the American government. You have to be a low-grade moron to not see parallels with these two Chechen kids, these losers who supposedly carried out this bombing; and the runners -- the Road Runners -- in Boston. Only this time, after many failed attempts, the Coyote was successful."

-- Alex Jones on the Boston Marathon bombing, according to the Daily Currant

Yeah, the Daily Currant is a satire site. But be honest: Could you really tell by this quote?

There Ain't No Sanity Clause 2: Boston Boogaloo

Last week I posted a link to a Facebook conversation between a bunch of lunatic conspiracy theorists and a friend of mine, Josh Olson, who had proceeded to tear them apart piece by piece. These people were of course alleging Alex Jonesian nonsense in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing, crap like the ever-popular "false flag" terrorism claims and the ridiculous and easily debunkable rumors of a "controlled explosion" on the day of the blasts.

As I said at the time, the world of the conspiracy theorist is where ignorance and arrogance meet, because these morons truly do believe that they're the only people who really know what's going on and the rest of us are the stupid ones, when in reality it's of course exactly the opposite. Under normal circumstances, it'd be best to ignore the Alex Jones crowd completely, because there's simply no arguing with someone who will not accept reality, who won't believe what their own eyes see and what their own ears hear and who are convinced that there's some dark secret lurking behind the veil of every single fucking thing they experience. But the problem is that, thanks to social media, these clowns now have a voice and thanks to the sheer volume of media outlets these days they have the ability to occasionally subvert respectable journalism and inject their insanity into the mainstream. Case in point: what happened last week at a critical news conference in the immediate wake of the bombings, when Info Wars "reporter" and raving dipshit Dan Bidondi hijacked the spotlight by bombarding Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick with questions about false flag terrorism and government cover-ups.

Anyway, the same people Josh took down last week are still at it -- and so I once again invite you to put on your tinfoil hat and immerse yourself in the mentally unbalanced "reality" of the people who believe not only that the Tsarnaev brothers were unwitting patsies set up by the government, but who actually think that the victims of the attack were wounded beforehand because they would've died had they lost limbs like that, and that, in fact, there may not even have been a bombing.

Pay special attention, by the way, to the craziest and balls-out stupidest person you'll ever come into contact with: Wren Tyree.

And once again marvel at how Josh won't tolerate any of that shit.

Facebook: Christine Robert: "What's the Agenda of the Person Feeding You 'Facts?"/4.22.13

There Ain't No Sanity Clause

Cesca eviscerated the Alex Jones-fueled conspiracy theorizing that immediately cropped up in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing in his piece at Banter this morning. He did it by presenting actual, you know, facts.

I on the other hand didn't even bother. I just called those circulating and buying into wild tales of false flag terrorism, "controlled explosion" bomb drills, and TSA sporting events crackdowns fucking lunatics -- since that's what they are.

The thing about conspiracy theorists is that they're impossible to make see reason because the more you shoot holes in their inane rants and nonsense beliefs the more they become convinced that you're just part of the conspiracy. Or you're just another one of the sheep who refuses to see what's really going on. Or some shit.

Best of all, they truly do think they're the smart ones. That's the beauty of a conspiracy theory: It allows the most ignorant, delusional and just plain fucking stupid among us to believe they're secretly the only ones with a clue as to what's really going on. The world of the conspiracy theorist is right where idiocy and arrogance meet. You've known people like that almost your whole life, likely dating all the way back to the special breed of ironically pompous social outcast of high school, and they've always been worthy of laughter and mockery.

With that in mind, I give you this link. It's going to make your brain hurt, sure, but watch as a friend of mine, Josh Olson, just rips the shit out of the person submerging herself neck-deep into Alex Jones's morass of horseshit. Remember, don't drink the Kool-Aid -- and namaste.

Facebook: Christine Robert: "As Yet Unreported"/4.16.13

Ripped Apart

Today's Daily Banter column wonders whether we'll ever be able to truly come together as a nation again. Because while there are plenty of people who are trying to remember what the tragedy in Boston is really all about, there are so many others for whom this is yet another excuse for hucksterism, partisan hackery, and conspiratorial lunacy.

Here's the opening shot:

"I always feared this day because I always feared being proven right. A couple of times since the election of Barack Obama and the consequent collective freak-out of the American Right — a freak-out so mind-boggling and profound that the extent and potency of its shockwaves continue to surprise, despite how used to it we should be by now — I’ve openly wondered how our nation might react if we were hit with another terrorist attack."

Read the Rest Here

Also, very worth mentioning here is Cesca's column at Banter today, on the despicable ridiculousness of Alex Jones, who of course hijacked and exploited this horrific event, using it as an excuse to spew his special brand of horseshit all over his delusional acolytes. One of those acolytes, Dan Bidondi, turned yesterday's Deval Patrick press conference into a circus by shrieking about "false flag" terrorism and how our civil liberties are being threatened, or something, and you'll be interested to know that he's also responded to Cesca's piece in the comments section. The results are -- entertaining.

"Here's To Ben"

Daily Banter overlord Ben Cohen made a nice little appearance on RT News's Thom Hartmann Show late last week to debate the Daily Caller's White House pretend reporter Neil Munro -- you'll remember him as the jackass who heckled President Obama during a Rose Garden press briefing last year -- and libertarian columnist Marc Harrold.

It not only features Harrold right off the bat living up to the stereotype of today's libertarians as conspiracy-spouting anti-government lunatics who live and die by the drivel Alex Jones spouts, but there's a lot of Ben's adorable British accent (which always makes me swoon). Given how much RT loves Ben, I'll have to ask him one of these days if he ever nailed Alyona Minkovski. Because, if so, awesome for him.

By the way, you know, Ben -- Munro is Irish. I think you're allowed under British law to seize his seat and arrest him if he gives you any crap.

(Yes, I know, I know. Almost every crack I've made in this post could be considered sexist or racist. As always, feel free to direct your complaints here.)

Get Your Gun

I wasn't sure it was possible to make that Alex Jones appearance on Piers Morgan's show any funnier than it already was, but Conan managed to step up to the plate and give it a try last night.

The result is pretty entertaining.



By the way, Cesca put together an entire column on Jones's insane rant over at the Daily Banter and it's definitely worth reading. One of the things he hits hard is how in reality Alex Jones is nothing more than another performance artist grifter who's made a career out of playing the wild-eyed raving conspiracy nut. I don't doubt that he probably believes at least some of the nonsense he's spouting, but Cesca's right -- a good portion of it is all just for show. Yes, it's still valuable as a window into the way real gun-worshiping paranoiacs think -- their utterly unhinged view of the world -- but overall Jones is just a standard conservative entertainment complex carnival barker playing his act to the hilt to the crowd of lunatics he knows will continue to line his pockets.

Alex Jones and the Prophecy of Doom

There are a few people who inexplicably have a role in our national discourse, regardless of how far to the fringe they are and should be relegated, who kind of leave me without much to say. One of them is, of course, Alex Jones. Yeah, there are people who actually take him seriously -- but who gives a shit? He's a fucking conspiracist lunatic and doesn't deserve to be granted even the tiniest amount of credence.

Proof of that, at least as far as my own view of him is concerned, is the fact that I think I've mentioned him around here maybe once or twice in almost seven years. Still, last night's hysterical meltdown by him on Piers Morgan's show -- in which he almost literally foamed at the mouth over the 1776-style revolution that he promises will be the result of any attempt at sensible gun control -- really deserves to be seen by as many people as possible. Believe it or not, there actually are people who listen to this idiot, although not enough to make him as dangerous to the establishment as he thinks he is.

The problem, though, is that his furious, fetishistic passion for guns gives you a pretty good idea what common sense gun control advocates are up against. Remember, this is a guy who believes that guns are needed to defend against the black U.N. helicopters that are going to fly into Anytown, USA and take all of us under the control of the New World Order. He's fucking insane. His beliefs aren't in any way based in reality. And he should be completely ignored -- no matter how loud he is.

Anyway, watch Jones's warm bukkake of crazy for yourself. It really is something to behold.



Incidentally, the above video comes courtesy of someone with the screen-name "Save Our Sovereignty" whose profile pic is a Ron Paul logo. Need I say more?

Two and a Half Brain Cells

Charlie Sheen is a hero to an entire generation of guys.

He starred in Wall Street, Platoon, and Red Dawn. He was the best thing in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (which is saying something). He nailed Ginger Lynn, Denise Richards and all the highest-priced girls in Heidi Fleiss's stable -- probably at the same time. He's been in rehab three times and has been arrested five times for, among other things, cocaine possession, credit card fraud and soliciting prostitutes. He once paid six grand for a sex doll. And despite it all, he's currently raking in a fortune on an inexplicably popular TV show.

So, needless to say, this makes him completely qualified to lecture the president of the United States on the most devastating single event in this country's history.

On a day when right-wing apoplexy over the issue of national health care reform is reaching critical mass -- with the president himself finally addressing Congress and the nation -- I'll bet you never imagined that Charlie Freakin' Sheen would come out of nowhere to say the most insane goddamned thing all day.

But oh has he. He stepped up to the crazy plate and knocked that sucker out of the park.

This morning, Sheen published the fictional transcript of a 20-minute conversation he wants to have with Barack Obama. A conversation about 9/11. And the website Sheen posted this hypothetical rap-session on? Prison Planet -- the official site of conspiracist whack-job Alex Jones.

Get where this is going?

In case you don't, Sheen's self-scripted espionage drama -- of which he's the star -- reads something like this:

"(President Barack Obama) – No disrespect Mr. Sheen, but I have to ask; what is it that you seem to be implying with the initial direction of this discussion?

(Charlie Sheen) – I am not implying anything Mr. President. I am here to present the facts and see what you plan to do with them.

PBO - Let me guess; your ‘facts,’ allegedly supporting these claims are in the folders you brought with you?

CS – Good guess Mr. President.

(I hand the first folder of documents to the President)

CS – Again sir, these are not my opinions or assumptions, this is all a matter of public record, reported through mainstream media, painstakingly fact checked and verified.

(the President glances into the folder I handed him)

CS – You’ll notice sir on page one of the dossier dated August of ‘06 from the Washington Post, the statements of John Farmer, senior council to the 9/11 commission, his quote stating, 'I was shocked how different the truth was from the way it was described.'

PBO – (as he glances down at the report, almost inaudible) …. um hmm….

CS – He goes on to further state 'The [NORAD Air Defense] tapes told a radically different story from what had been told to us and the public for two years….'

...

PBO – Of course this information worries me, yet it’s not nearly as worrisome as you sitting here today suspiciously implying that 9/11 was somehow allowed to happen or even orchestrated from the inside.

CS – Mr. President I am not suspiciously implying anything. I am merely exposing the documents and asking the questions that nobody in power will even look at or acknowledge. And as I stated earlier, I voted for you, I believed in your message of hope and change. Mr. President I have come to you specifically hoping for a change. A change in the perception that our government has not yet made itself open and accountable to the people. These are your words Mr. President not mine. The lives of thousands were brutally cut short and those left behind to suffer their infinite pain are with me today Mr. President. They are with me in spirit and flesh, and the message we carry will not be silenced anymore by media fueled mantras insisting how they are supposed to feel. Deciding for them, for 8 long years, what can be thought, what can be said, what can be asked."

Charlie, my man, get that mantle ready, 'cause I hear Oscar calling.

This is of course only the build-up to the big climax -- in which a visibly irritated President Obama gives Sheen just five more minutes to make his case clear (an ironic statement if ever there was one) and our intrepid hero runs down, one by one, the usual litany of coincidences and unprovable charges that are the backbone of the entire dumb-ass Truther movement and have been since the beginning.

Obviously, it's comedy gold.

Particularly since I just can't imagine Barack Obama showing respectful deference to a guy whose reputation is as unsavory as Charlie Sheen's -- a guy who's known almost universally as a hedonistic, egomaniacal walking id who can't keep his dick in his pants.

Although I guess Obama's been pretty decent to Bill Clinton, hasn't he?