The Rebel Baseless

"It's not a far-right crazy plan or anything like that. This would be done with the full cooperation of the state legislature."

-- Oklahoma tea party leader J.W. Berry on a proposed plan to create a new volunteer militia to help protect and secure the sovereignty of that state in the face of intrusion by the federal government

I keep trying to figure out a way to make this almost incomprehensible brand of batshit lunacy funny -- and it's just not possible.

We've crossed a very serious, very frightening line in this country where sedition, treason and armed revolution aren't held as unthinkable, un-American concepts but instead are offered as some sort of reasonable response to what's really nothing more than a paranoid persecution fantasy. Admittedly the swaggering blowhards who pitch this kind of taking-up-arms crap would piss their pants if push ever really came to shove and they found themselves staring wide-eyed down the barrel of a mounted .50 cal, but before it gets anywhere close to that, somebody really needs to put a goddamned foot down and tell these assholes that enough is enough.

Sorry you don't like Congress, taxes, health care reform, the fact that Reagan isn't on Mount Rushmore, whatever-the-hell -- and sorry you feel like the Great Kenyan Usurper stole the country you're entitled to out from under your white, Christian feet -- but this is the hand America's legitimate electoral process has dealt you, so until the next time you're given the opportunity to express your disapproval by way of a ballot, sit down and shut the fuck up. Don't drive your little Fat-eze scooter up and down each aisle at the local Wal-Mart, stocking up on beef jerky and ammo for the coming Armageddon. Don't preach secession and revolution and violence. Don't try to form your own goddamned army to fight the U.S. troops you so often genuflect before but who will be the first ones to kick in your front door if you try to, oh you know, wage war against the United States of America.

Just read Sarah Palin's book a few more times (making her grifting ass millions), stay right there on the couch with your canned beer glued to Fox News, say a few rounds of the Lord's Prayer and circulate a couple more of the idiotic e-mails your cousin Junior sent you offering proof that Obama's the Anti-Christ, maybe borrow your neighbor's "Confederate Heroes of the Civil War" documentary on VHS again. Do whatever you have to do, to do essentially nothing. Nothing that will affect the lives of the 92% of this country that's thoroughly sane and therefore wants no part of the apocalyptic, insurrectionist horseshit you're shoveling.