Golden Shower

Seven random thoughts on last night's Golden Globe awards:

1. Okay, so Avatar's going to win the Oscar for Best Picture and there will be an indignant outcry from the kind of people who love to see whatever's playing at the Angelika then go up the street to their favorite independent coffee shop and discuss the nuances of it until they've run out of triple-word-score terms to describe the entire erfahrung. I get that Avatar is a really easy movie to beat up on and that, yes, it's relatively thin on story and big on bombast -- but while a lot of people derisively compare it to, say, Dances with Wolves, let's not forget that Dances with Wolves won Best Picture in 1991. Avatar is a monumental leap forward in filmmaking -- seriously, a game-changer -- and although I'm shocked at how it's been twelve years since Cameron made that obnoxious "I'm the King of the World" speech and it still doesn't feel like he's been out of the public eye long enough for me to want to see him win something again, I just can't deny the level of craft that went into making this movie. There were films with far better stories nominated for a Golden Globe this year (The Hurt Locker is the best movie I've seen in a very long time) but Avatar was admittedly an event that might deserve to be honored for posterity, whether we want to admit it or not. Then again, I don't doubt that the gap between begrudging respect and outright loathe for Cameron and what he's done here may be shorter than the space between now and Oscar day for me.

2. On a side note, just looking at Cameron, you know that Kathryn Bigelow ripped his goofy ass to shreds in bed. Jesus, that's woman's sexy as hell.

3. Mo'nique will win the Oscar for Best Actress solely for her acceptance speech at the Golden Globes. "First let me say... thank you, gaaawd," should be the new "You like me, you really like me." If I have even an ounce of politically correct liberal cred to begin with, I'll lose it by saying that her little performance last night made me groan out loud. Give me a dozen speeches by Downey over that sort of silly, overly emotive melodrama any day. In a related item and to borrow a line from Andy Borowitz, from now on I wish to be referred to as "Chez, based on the Novel PUSH by Sapphire."

4. I was so hoping that Christoph Waltz's speech would be in character -- that he'd talk for fifteen minutes in a way that was equal parts charming and menacing, make you totally uncomfortable for reasons you couldn't quite explain, then suddenly leap into the audience like an animal and strangle Harvey Weinstein. Speaking of which, I kept imagining that out in the parking lot, Eli Roth had Mel Gibson on his knees and the following conversation was taking place: "How'd you get that award -- killing Jews?" "The Passion of the Christ." WHAM!!!

5. Elvis Dingeldein from Cesca's blog gets the tweet-of-the-night award for this: "Rubble-covered Haitians heartened to know James Cameron has Best Job In World, can't wait to see AVATAR once Haiti's one theater is rebuilt."

6. Scorsese was wrong. Film is an evil medium and all movies should be banned before Valentine's Day can be released into theaters.

7. Jason Reitman was right. Your wife really does inspire you to write. Trust me on that.