Quote of the Day

"You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people, because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved, that said, ‘There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.’"

-- Taylor Swift to Vanity Fair, taking a shot at Tina Fey and Amy Poehler for their jokes about her during the 2013 Golden Globe Awards

You'll remember, Fey joked, "You know what, Taylor Swift? You stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son," during her and Poehler's stint as hosts of the awards. She then followed it up by saying that Swift needed a little time to learn about herself. None of it seems out-of-bounds when you consider the fact that Taylor Swift is completely insane and if she weren't famous would have been arrested years ago for stalking. She's always been one nervous breakdown away from driving cross-country in a pair of diapers and carrying a trunk full of rope and duct tape -- and her pissy, childish reaction to being called out for inflating every little perceived slight to earth-shattering levels doesn't do much to prove otherwise.

What's fun about this is that it's actually the second time in a couple of months that somebody with a brain and some cultural cachet has publicly slapped down one of these pre-packaged teen sensations. Olivia Wilde made herself even cooler a few days ago by tweeting to Justin Bieber, "Put your fucking shirt on," after pictures of the shirtless little douche were snapped during his birthday bash in London. It goes without saying that the Belieber backlash on Twitter was instantaneous, with zillions of nobodies bombarding Wilde with gramatically challenged tweets defending their idol. Fey and Poehler faced the same kind of thing following the Globes and likely will again now that it's been confirmed that Taylor Swift was so hurt by their jab that she's probably going to write a song about how much she was hurt by their jab but how she's now standing tall because she's really, really strong, and, yeah, girl power and stuff, take that!

Swift is sincerely going to have the shortest shelf life of any of these pop tarts -- male or female -- because her cycle of dating-rejection-revenge song has already reduced her to a self-parody. Yeah, her fans don't care now, but once that cynicism gland starts going into overdrive around 19, she's done for.

Before that happens, though, can I make a suggestion to any Tiger Beat cover boy who's contemplating dating her? Please, I'm begging you, tell her right off the bat that you're really into doing it in the ass.

Because I'm seriously going to enjoy listening to We Are Never, Ever, Ever Having Anal Sex.

Jodie's Choice

Today's column for the Daily Banter takes a look at Jodie Foster's wonderfully personal speech at last night's Golden Globes -- and the reaction to it.

Here's an excerpt:

"This morning, quite a few pieces have been published lauding her for speaking somewhat openly about her sexuality but wondering aloud why it took her so long to get to the point where she felt willing to talk about it, given that so many others opened the closet door before her. I guess the implication is that it isn’t as fearless a statement to make as it would’ve been, say, a decade or more ago. The people making this argument seem to be saying that it was Jodie Foster’s responsibility as a gay woman to be up-front about who she was and is as an example to others — that she owes the gay community, including the many who are struggling with their identities and those who are fighting injustice out in the open, a debt and should be willing to 'take a side.'

The thing is, that’s bullshit."

Read the Rest Here

Emcee Hammer

Aw, did widdle Hollywood get its feelings hurt?

Did all those multi-millionaires in the room not feel appropriately genuflected to?

Fuck 'em -- Gervais ruled.

The Telegraph: Did Ricky Gervais Go Too Far at the Golden Globes?/1.17.11

(Update: Loved what Brendon over at What Would Tyler Durden Do had to say about this. His response to the idea that the Hollywood types in the audience were offended that their special night had been somehow sullied: "Fuck you. Your entire life is your special night.")

Golden Shower

Seven random thoughts on last night's Golden Globe awards:

1. Okay, so Avatar's going to win the Oscar for Best Picture and there will be an indignant outcry from the kind of people who love to see whatever's playing at the Angelika then go up the street to their favorite independent coffee shop and discuss the nuances of it until they've run out of triple-word-score terms to describe the entire erfahrung. I get that Avatar is a really easy movie to beat up on and that, yes, it's relatively thin on story and big on bombast -- but while a lot of people derisively compare it to, say, Dances with Wolves, let's not forget that Dances with Wolves won Best Picture in 1991. Avatar is a monumental leap forward in filmmaking -- seriously, a game-changer -- and although I'm shocked at how it's been twelve years since Cameron made that obnoxious "I'm the King of the World" speech and it still doesn't feel like he's been out of the public eye long enough for me to want to see him win something again, I just can't deny the level of craft that went into making this movie. There were films with far better stories nominated for a Golden Globe this year (The Hurt Locker is the best movie I've seen in a very long time) but Avatar was admittedly an event that might deserve to be honored for posterity, whether we want to admit it or not. Then again, I don't doubt that the gap between begrudging respect and outright loathe for Cameron and what he's done here may be shorter than the space between now and Oscar day for me.

2. On a side note, just looking at Cameron, you know that Kathryn Bigelow ripped his goofy ass to shreds in bed. Jesus, that's woman's sexy as hell.

3. Mo'nique will win the Oscar for Best Actress solely for her acceptance speech at the Golden Globes. "First let me say... thank you, gaaawd," should be the new "You like me, you really like me." If I have even an ounce of politically correct liberal cred to begin with, I'll lose it by saying that her little performance last night made me groan out loud. Give me a dozen speeches by Downey over that sort of silly, overly emotive melodrama any day. In a related item and to borrow a line from Andy Borowitz, from now on I wish to be referred to as "Chez, based on the Novel PUSH by Sapphire."

4. I was so hoping that Christoph Waltz's speech would be in character -- that he'd talk for fifteen minutes in a way that was equal parts charming and menacing, make you totally uncomfortable for reasons you couldn't quite explain, then suddenly leap into the audience like an animal and strangle Harvey Weinstein. Speaking of which, I kept imagining that out in the parking lot, Eli Roth had Mel Gibson on his knees and the following conversation was taking place: "How'd you get that award -- killing Jews?" "The Passion of the Christ." WHAM!!!

5. Elvis Dingeldein from Cesca's blog gets the tweet-of-the-night award for this: "Rubble-covered Haitians heartened to know James Cameron has Best Job In World, can't wait to see AVATAR once Haiti's one theater is rebuilt."

6. Scorsese was wrong. Film is an evil medium and all movies should be banned before Valentine's Day can be released into theaters.

7. Jason Reitman was right. Your wife really does inspire you to write. Trust me on that.

Quote(s) of the Day

"It's not rain, it's just God crying for NBC."

-- Tina Fey at last night's Golden Globes

"Let's get on with it before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno."

-- Ricky Gervais at last night's Golden Globes

"This week you didn't need Cinemax to see someone get screwed on TV. So how did NBC let it come to this? Well, I think I can explain it. Let's say you're married and it's the number one marriage in the country, but then you meet someone else who sweeps you off your feet, so you say to her, "I want to marry you, in five years," and she says, "Yes, I will wait five years to marry you." So then you go home and you tell your current wife, "Honey, in five years we're getting a divorce." Now you might think your current wife would be super cool with that and thank you for being honest, but it turns out she's actually super mad and as the five years pass she gets in really good shape. So when the time comes for the divorce, she's looking better than ever. She looks so good that you see other people looking at her and you get jealous, so you come up with an awesome plan: you'll still marry the second person, but you'll also stay married to the first. So you tell the new wife, "Good news! We're totally married, but every night when I get home I'm gonna spend a half hour with my first wife first -- but then I'm all yours." And before you even see how she feels about it, you hold a big press conference and tell people you've changed the future of marriage. Now if you think the new wife is cool with this plan, she's not. She's super mad. And the first wife is also acting weird because, you know, you have two wives. But then, just when you think you're stuck, you come up with a perfect plan to solve all your problems: You kill your second wife."

-- Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live

Screw what NBC is saying publicly right now. There's no way the company's people at the top (or the bigshots at Comcast for that matter) are enjoying the constant barrage of abuse they're taking on their own network. For God's sake, last night the Governor of California took a shot at NBC live on NBC's air. I was honestly expecting that by the end of the Golden Globes show they'd lower little Jeff Zucker down into the middle of the ballroom like a pinata and give everybody baseball bats.

Deep Twit

Sure it's incredibly short notice, but I'm pretty much live-tweeting the Golden Globes. Feel free to join in the fun or play along on Facebook or Twitter.

Fool's Gold

20 Completely Random Comments My Wife and I Made to Each Other While Watching last night's Golden Globe Awards Show (and Red Carpet Special on E!)

1. "I guess Drew's gonna be singing 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President' at some point during the evening."

2. "But I don't wanna be a pirate!" (Upon first seeing Marissa Tomei)

3. "Maybe they just couldn't see him. He's pretty small." (Upon watching Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie totally snub Seacrest on the Red Carpet)

4. "You know, if you stuck a paper cone up Cameron Diaz's ass, you'd have cotton candy."

5. "Look, he really is riding her coattails." (Upon watching Billy Ray Cyrus accidentally step on his daughter Miley's dress)

6. "I guess Katie's at the shop being repaired." (Upon watching Tom Cruise show up with his mother)

7. "I'm pretty sure Downey's back on drugs."

8. "You mean it's better than watching you get stomped by Jennifer Hudson? Impossible." (Upon hearing Beyoncé claim that her performance in Cadillac Records is her best yet.)

9. "One is a spectacular breast, the other is a spectacular breast. Please welcome, Salma Hayek."

10. "YES! YES! YES!" (Upon hearing Heath Ledger's name announced as the winner in the Best Supporting Actor category)

11. "Where's Nicholson? I was so looking forward to him going up to the cast of Slumdog and saying something like, 'Gee, I'm really parched there, Veejay -- get me a Slurpee.'"

12. "Diddy engages in some sort of shameless self-promotion in 3... 2... 1..."

13. "Really, how does she keep getting invited to these things?" (Upon seeing Cameron Diaz for the second time)

14. "Oh, you pissed him off now. Torture time!" (After switching over to 24)

15. "Wait, they gave out an award for Best TV Nude Scene?" (After switching back from 24 and seeing Anna Paquin accepting a Golden Globe)

16. "At the end of this thing, somebody's going to hand Penelope Cruz a mop and ask her to clean the place."

17. "When you've done steroids, your balls come up in conversation quite a bit." (During Mickey Rourke's acceptance speech)

18. "What the hell is that? Wait, I thought it was Christina Applegate who had her breasts removed." (Upon first seeing Renee Zellweger)

19. "Now we're even outsourcing our entertainment to India. Lou Dobbs will not be pleased."

20. "Hey, wait a minute -- where's Travolta?"