Holy War

Today's Daily Banter column is a bit of a monster. It's pegged off of an e-mail exchange between Sam Harris and Glenn Greenwald.

Here's the opening shot:

"I'm a fan of Sam Harris. A very big fan, in fact, despite not agreeing with him across the board. His 2004 book, 'The End of Faith,' is just about the seminal guide to refuting faith-based religion through bulletproof fact and near-flawless argumentation. If you're an atheist, it's basically, well, your Bible. Harris prides himself on his intellect and on an absolute reliance on reason, which means that he's a formidable foe to debate simply because his logic is generally made of concrete and titanium. I admit that while Harris himself dislikes having to constantly defend himself against the same ridiculous attacks on his beliefs over and over again -- typically from those who either misunderstand statements he's made perfectly clear or who feel like they need to purposely twist his arguments to serve their own ends -- I enjoy watching him rip those who go up against him to shreds. He does it with such confidence but, provided the adversary in question isn't just being an asshole, with such respect that it makes you glad people like him exist to act as intellectual super heroes when our culture needs them.

One of the more ludicrous accusations that's been leveled at Sam Harris throughout the years has to do with his supposed tendency toward 'Islamophobia.' As with his contemporaries in the "new atheist" movement, people like Richard Dawkins and the late Christopher Hitchens, Harris believes that radical Islam represents an especially insidious and dangerous form of faith simply because it often manifests itself in physical violence aimed at both non-believers and believers alike. It may be politically incorrect to say that Islam is the most pervasive and immediate religious threat our world is facing at this moment in its history, but it's not necessarily factually incorrect."

Read the Rest Here

The Weeping Angels

Today's Daily Banter column looks at the collective freak-out the Christian right is having over gay marriage and how evangelicals and the like now want us to believe that they're the persecuted ones.

Here's the opening shot:

"It’s always entertaining to watch the right, particularly the Christian right, whine about victimization. As Steve Benen over at the Maddowblog says today, no one’s raised self-pity to a melodramatic art form the way America’s conservative Christians have, regardless of their particular political or denominational bent. To hear Pat Robertson, or William Donohue of the Catholic League, or Bill O’Reilly, or many, many others tell it, you’d think Christians were still being thrown to lions, maybe along the Capitol Mall, and a date with the cross awaited anybody who dared to slap a Jesus fish on the back of his car. If the Sodom-and-Gomorrah-esque anti-God dystopia Christians complain exists in American society really did exist, Tim Tebow would’ve been burned alive years ago rather than be allowed to become a guy who gets paid an obscene amount of money to be a shitty quarterback."

Read the Rest Here

Panic Womb

No sooner had I promised to essentially vanish for the week than I turned on the TV to find Nickelodeon for Inara and who did I happen to come across on NBC's Today show? The Duggars. All 106 of them. On the show for a -- wait for it -- "big announcement." Yes, one of Jim Bob and Michelle's sons, Josh, is having a baby with his wife, the apparently insane Anna. This is their third. The Duggars have now spawned so many children that their bloodline is guaranteed to be Today show fodder well into the next millennium. I can't help but figure that Michelle Duggar's vagina is so irreparably wasted by this point that she's now forced to outsource the baby-making to her kids and grandkids, kind of the way that Adam Richman had to inevitably turn Man vs. Food into Man vs. Food Nation, where he pawned the face-stuffing off to other hapless idiots because his stomach had finally just given out on him.

Speaking of reality shows, the Duggars also pushed the fact that theirs will be coming back to TLC. (Catch it right between Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and the show about the two-headed woman!) The new season will kick off later this week with the entire family taking their lunatic Christian "Quiverfull" beliefs on the road to Asia. They said the first thing that shocked them about places like Japan is that everyone has only one child. In the world of the Duggars this is what's known as crazy. To everyone else, particularly in places like Japan and China, it's called being responsible -- or being forced to work so many hours because you don't have a reality show gravy train that you just don't have the time or resources to spend all your time on your back cranking out babies like chocolates coming down a conveyor belt.

Anyway, you know the drill by now. Every time there's a new Duggar announcement on Today -- and I know about it -- this piece comes back. The only saving grace this time is that Today's ratings are in the toilet these days, at least in comparison to a few years ago. I like to believe that their slavish, pathetic obsession with the Duggars is part of the reason why.

Birth Defects: An Open Letter To The American Media (Originally Published, 12.22.08)

Dear Media,

I'm writing today to issue a plea on behalf of the sane, reasonably well-adjusted people all across this country of ours. It's admittedly a move borne out of desperation and spawned from the mind of someone who's been pushed to the brink of madness, but I would only hope that this fact underscores the anguish being felt by the American people and therefore the seriousness of what I'm about to say.

Please, in the name of all that's decent, stop, stop, stop treating the Duggars like they're celebrities.

This morning, like clockwork, the Duggar family -- Jim Bob, Michelle, her clown car vagina, and the 18 kids whose names all inexplicably begin with the letter "J" -- made their traditional appearance on NBC's Today to show off the latest addition to their constantly expanding litter. As always, they basked in the glow of the national media spotlight, were treated to oodles of warm encomia, and took the opportunity to joyfully drop the name of the Lord every few seconds like there was some kind of Skinner Box treat in it for them.

The Today show has become something akin to the official press secretariat of the Duggars -- excitedly fawning over each birth and the fresh pregnancy announcement that invariably, immediately follows it as if this information were something that actually mattered to anyone. But, obviously, Today isn't alone in its cultural elevation of the Duggars from crazy homemade cult to all-American heroes.

And make no mistake -- these people are indeed crazy.

Completely out of their fucking minds.

You know something, though? That's okay. They're entitled to live their lives however the hell they want; as long as none of their kids -- born an average of one a year since 1988 -- ends up on welfare and we the taxpayers have to foot the bill for little Jolene or Jonah. I honestly couldn't care less that there's an insane family living in Arkansas cranking out children because God says so. The problem is that you, the media -- NBC, ABC, TLC, etc. -- keep giving these people face time, thereby convincing them that everyone in this country not crazier than a shithouse rat actually loves hearing the latest news about Michelle Duggar's de-elasticized cervix. I'm not suggesting that you're encouraging them -- since you couldn't, as they take their cues from a supposedly higher authority -- but you are giving them the chance to hawk their books, TV show and the assorted other crap that allows them to afford to continue spitting out kids like chocolates coming down a conveyor belt. These people shouldn't be cast in a positive light. They shouldn't be cast in any light at all. If they want to keep trying to single-handedly overpopulate the Earth for Jesus, they should have to pay for it without the help of your unwarranted free publicity, media.

Let's see how long they'd last once the gravy train you guys happily play conductor of dries up.

Like Paris Hilton, whose career you're also guilty of perpetuating and foisting on an exhausted public, the Duggars are famous only for their unusual sexual habits.

And like Paris Hilton, they've never deserved the wealth of attention you've lavished on them. They're religious zealots who won't stop having babies. That's it. Nothing more.

So once again, knock it the hell off. Stop shoving this family down our collective throat.

If the Duggars one day make the announcement that they've decided to start using contraception, or if one of their kids comes out with horns or something, feel free to give them a couple minutes of airtime. Until then, remember that you're the mainstream media -- not Procreation Quarterly and not a carnival barker.

Leave the freakshow to the circus folk, okay?

Thanks and Happy Holidays,

Chez

Picture of the Day

Posted to Reddit by an Applebee's waitress named Chelsea who has since been fired for doing so.

The receipt was apparently signed by a local pastor who, as you can see, removed the included tip and wrote, "I give God 10%, why do you get 18?"

The original title that went with the Reddit post read, "My mistake sir, I'm sure Jesus will pay for my rent and groceries," which is pretty good.

My comment would've been more like, "Because I actually exist and was able to take care of you."

I have no doubt that Chelsea, as a budding internet sensation whom many already believe was unjustly canned, will be the beneficiary of a massive Kickstarter campaign or something like that, inadvertently making her just as insufferable as the asshole who took away her tip. But for now, she's got my sympathies. Besides, once people figure out who the pastor is and begin personally bombarding him with the abuse he deserves, it will all have been worth it.

Instant Update: That took no time at all. The pastor is 37-year-old Alois Bell of St. Louis -- he's a she, not a him, by the way -- and she's now apologizing and kind of groveling for forgiveness from an entity even mightier than God: the internet. "My heart is really broken," she says. “I’ve brought embarrassment to my church and ministry.” She goes on to say that the stiffing was a lapse in her usually good judgment. By the way, Bell was the one who called Applebee's and got Chelsea fired when she saw the receipt online.

Quote of the Day

True Believers

As promised, today's column over at the Daily Banter has to do with Richard "Howling Mad" Mourdock and his BFF, Mitt Romney.

Here's an excerpt:

"Mourdock’s status as one of the new breed of unpolished, ideologically pure Tea Party darlings that have seized the imagination of the right over the past four years — make no mistake, in direct response to the election of Barack Obama — is really what’s at the center of this latest mess for the GOP. He’s like a child. He doesn’t know any better. He just blurts out what’s on his mind. Mourdock’s the picture of unfiltered conservative sincerity. And that’s what allowed him to wipe the floor with longtime Indiana Republican Senator Dick Lugar back in May of this year: the fact that he appeals to the batshit crazy beliefs and superstitions of the base and, upon winning, immediately throws down the eliminationist gauntlet by declaring that his idea of bipartisanship in Washington is 'Democrats coming to the Republican point of view.' The no-longer-fringe right of today eats that crap up like soma."

Read the Rest Here

Adding:



That didn't take long at all. Boo-ya.

Quote of the Day

"Terrorists are dangerous, the economy is a real and present danger. But there is simply nothing other than the holocaust of the unborn which imperils the safety of our country or places our people in jeopardy as does the leader of the Western world publicly raising his fist at the heavens and declaring that the bedrock institution of society, ordained of God and meant to be protected by the state, is little more than a convention of convenience with the children of Sodom to transform the meaning of something, which is precious to Jesus Christ, and a living picture of his love for the church into a legally protected justification for perversion and a vehicle of hatred aimed directly at that love... They should be put to death. ‘Oh, so you’re saying we should go out and start killing them, no?’ — I’m saying the government should. They won’t, but they should. You say, ‘Oh, I can’t believe you, you’re horrible. You’re a backwards neanderthal of a person.’ Is that what you’re calling scripture? Is God a neanderthal, backwards in his morality? Is it His word or not? If it’s His word, he commanded it. It’s His idea, not mine. And I’m not ashamed of it."

-- Pastor Curtis Knapp of the New Hope Baptist Church in Seneca, Kansas, who's come up with a Final Solution to the gay problem

You know, other than the fact that it serves as a quick reminder that there's a substantial portion of this country that needs to be nuked from orbit, as it's the only way to be sure, I'm not sure what good comes from even highlighting this kind of shit anymore. Of course there's some demonstrably insane asshole who's based his entire life on groveling and cowering at the feet of superstition who hates gay people because a 2,000-year-old book written by people who were afraid of the sun told him to. And of course there's an entire roomful of dumb, frightened hicks who'll hang on every ignorant word that comes out of his fucking mouth. We know this. We know all of it.

Next step: Gay rights groups will demand an apology and cable networks will begin putting this idiot's pudgy, brain-dead defenders on national television in an effort to concern troll with faux-earnest questions like, "Do you really believe that gay people should be killed?" The circus will begin again and it'll last for a couple of news cycles -- at least until Trump opens his own big, stupid mouth again. But in the end, does it really do any good to try to get people whose thinking is utterly divorced from logic, reason and empirical reality to come around on this or any other subject? Their thought-process is informed and directed by an absolute, unshakable faith in nonsense. Arguing with them is like arguing with a 4-year-old. Although maybe it does some good to make sure everyone on the fence sees just how ridiculous this kind of thing is in the year 2012. I barely know anymore.

Bible Belt

Cesca's running the same item over at his site right now -- and so are a lot of other people -- but I'm gonna put this up because I think it deserves to be seen far and wide. Ladies and gentlemen, in case you haven't seen or read it yet, I give you an excerpt from a recent sermon by Pastor Sean Harris of the Berean Baptist Church (of course) in Fayetteville, North Carolina (of course).

"So your little son starts to act a little girlish when he is four years old and instead of squashing that like a cockroach and saying, 'Man up, son, get that dress off you and get outside and dig a ditch, because that is what boys do,' you get out the camera and you start taking pictures of Johnny acting like a female and then you upload it to YouTube and everybody laughs about it and the next thing you know, this dude, this kid is acting out childhood fantasies that should have been squashed.

Can I make it any clearer? Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch. Ok? You are not going to act like that. You were made by God to be a male and you are going to be a male. And when your daughter starts acting too Butch you reign her in. And you say, 'Oh, no, sweetheart. You can play sports. Play them to the glory of God. But sometimes you are going to act like a girl and walk like a girl and talk like a girl and smell like a girl and that means you are going to be beautiful. You are going to be attractive. You are going to dress yourself up.'

You say, 'Can I take charge like that as a parent?'

Yeah, you can. You are authorized. I just gave you a special dispensation this morning to do that."

So, yeah, beat your gay or gay-acting kid. It's not child abuse -- it's God's will.

You know something? Let me make something clear. If you happen to live in Fayetteville, North Carolina and you pass Pastor Sean Harris on the street, just walk on over and punch him in the fucking mouth. You say, "Can I take charge like that as a decent human being and somebody who believes in defending the rights of the innocent against intolerant, Bible-thumping cunts?" Yeah, you can. I just gave you a special dispensation.

Incidentally, Pastor Sean is now "retracting" his comments, saying they were a joke. Uh-huh. Fuck you, pal.

Quote of the Day/Sunday Sacrilege

"Well actually the Genesis 8:22 that I use in there is that 'as long as the earth remains there will be seed time and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, day and night,' my point is, God's still up there. The arrogance of people to think that we, human beings, would be able to change what He is doing in the climate is to me outrageous."

-- Sen. James Inhofe (R-Batshit) on talk radio yesterday pushing his new book "The Greatest Hoax: How the Global Warming Conspiracy Threatens Your Future"

Sure, it's well known that Inhofe manages to disprove both evolution and intelligent design at the same time, but it's important to remember that this fucking idiot is a United States Senator. A large group of people within this country -- or at least within Okahoma, which is only nominally part of the civilized world -- voted to send a man who regularly rattles off comically insane conspiracist nonsense based on the tenets of a 2,000-year-old fairy tale to the seat of governmental power as their representative.

Ignore science. Trust in ancient magic. And dumbshits like James Inhofe.

That's the message.

Again, for the cheap seats -- they've got nothing. Unfortunately, though, there are always going to be those who don't see it that way. The one hope we have is that they'll soon very likely be demographically extinct.

Sunday Sacrilege

A two-fer today. Above, it's the cockblocking "Purity Bear," followed by at least one hilariously alarmist statistic regarding guys who dare to have sex before getting married. (Not shown: 20 minutes later, when Captain Blueballs there pulls up to the home of his other girlfriend, the one who eagerly rides him like he's Secretariat every chance she gets while openly mocking the Junior League prude he just dropped off.)

Below, it's William Tapley -- AKA "The Third Eagle of the Apocalypse" -- explaining in Aspergerian detail why the death of Whitney Houston was a message from God for Barack Obama.



Christians, man. Gotta love 'em.

(via Christian Nightmares)

"It Took Some God-Fearing Vagina-Penetrators To Pull That Off"

Chances are by now you've all seen this, which is so desperate, idiotic and not-at-all-surprising that I didn't even bother posting or commenting on it.

Well, the above video is a pretty brilliant response to it.

Sunday Sacrilege

It seems like every time a self-described conservative Christian candidate rises to a position of prominence within the public consciousness these days, various articles start popping up illuminating the truly insane depths of his or her already questionable belief system. While I really do think that no one who chooses ridiculous superstition over logic and reason in any part of his or her life should be allowed near the White House, it's simply a foregone conclusion that a profession of faith is a requirement for all political leaders in our current culture; you either make it clear that you believe in Jesus or you just don't stand a chance of ever becoming a political leader in America, circa 2011, in the first place.

While we should all prepare, now that campaign season is ramping up, for another offensive series of diversions from the real issues facing this country aimed at testing the purity of our candidates' religious devotion -- another CNN "Faith & Politics" forum, a command performance before Pastor Rick Warren, or some other such horseshit -- it'll be incumbent upon those for whom faith or prayer doesn't constitute an effective plan of action to keep fighting back as best we can. The bottom line is that we're once again faced with more than a couple of people vying for the highest office in the land who not only buy heavily into notions like magic, and fairy tales, and holy books, and end times prophecies, and various silly shibboleths, but who also believe that it's their divinely commissioned obligation to make sure the rest of us submit to it too -- whether we like it or not.

Screw that.

Salon: The Christian Right's "Dominionist" Strategy/8.21.11

Quote of the Day: The Kook of Mormon Edition

"I am to now recuse you from this case. Now sign order to recuse thyself; and allow this proceeding to stop... Step away from this abuse of power against a religious and pure faith in the Lord."

-- From a motion filed in court by super-cuddly fundamentalist Mormon leader Warren Jeffs demanding that the judge in the sexual assault case against him step down under, Jeffs says, an order from God

Every time I think Mormonism -- fundamentalist or otherwise -- is no more crazy than any other religion, Warren Jeffs opens his mouth and brings me back to reality. Or a complete lack of it.

Lefty Behind

From PPP's survey of 574 GOP primary voters nationwide.

Of course Obama wouldn't be taken in the Rapture. He has to stay here and fight Jesus in a 153-day worldwide cage match before he's finally cast down into the lake of fire once and for all.

(via Slate)

Quote of the (Last) Day

"My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven. At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes."

-- 16-year-old Grace Haddad, whose parents stopped saving for her college fund three years ago in anticipation of Judgment Day, which begins less than eight hours from now

By the way, anybody wanna fuck me?

What have you really got to lose at this point?

Sunday Sacrilege

This entertaining little clip is currently making the rounds. If you haven't seen it yet, it apparently proves that nobody can "touch" a woman like Jesus.

Damn, imagine what he can do with his tongue.

Assistant To the Quote of the Day

"The First Amendment was written by the Founders to protect the free exercise of Christianity. They were making no effort to give special protections to Islam... Islam has no fundamental First Amendment claims, for the simple reason that it was not written to protect the religion of Islam. Islam is entitled only to the religious liberty we extend to it out of courtesy. While there certainly ought to be a presumption of religious liberty for non-Christian religious traditions in America, the Founders were not writing a suicide pact when they wrote the First Amendment."

-- American Family Association "Director of Issues Analysis" and conservative talk radio host Bryan Fischer

Look, on any given day you could troll the fringes of either end of the political spectrum and find a half-dozen or so lunatic proclamations that don't deserve to be taken seriously. What makes this particular nut-job stand out, though, is something I've mentioned before quite a few times, the thing that separates the left from the right and renders the "both sides do it" meme inauthentic: He's embraced by some of the biggest mainstream names within the conservative movement. Fischer may be a ranting, xenophobic self-parody, but his radio show is a regular command performance stop on the campaign trail for guys like Mike Huckabee and the seemingly sane Tim Pawlenty. And that's what makes the kind of dogshit he spews so dangerous.

(via Talking Points Memo)

Sunday Sacrilege

(via Christian Nightmares)

Holy Shit

Depressing.

And not the least bit surprising.

The Huffington Post: 40 Percent of Americans Still Believe in Creationism/12.20.10

Sunday Sacrilege

(via Christian Nightmares -- and make sure to stop by over there and check out the video of vaginal baby conveyor belt Michelle Duggar winning the 2010 Mother of the Year award from Vision Forum. Oh, and of course the usual gay-hating assholes on the Christian right promising to fight the long-overdue repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell.)