The Return of the Thing

Today's Daily Banter column expands on something I've brought up here a couple of times over the past several months: the Republican insistence on never giving up a fight and their refusal to accept that Americans don't like some of their ideas.

Here's the opening shot:

"Here's the beauty of Paul Ryan's new budget, the one saving grace amongst all the horrific awfulness it promises for the country: nobody gives a shit about it.

If you've been plugged into the political wing of the internet at all over the past couple of days, you wouldn't be blamed for thinking it was 2012 -- or even 2011 -- all over again. That's because Paul Ryan has rolled out the new GOP budget for this year and it looks suspiciously like every other budget he's rolled out since the Republicans put him in charge of such things and the beltway media inexplicably decided that he deserves to be taken seriously rather than laughed out of town. At this point, Ryan budgets -- all middle-class-screwing austerity in the name of tax breaks for the rich and attempts to gut America's social safety net -- drop with the regularity of a beloved series of Hollywood epics filmed back-to-back. It's like the GOP is Peter Jackson and the Ryan budget is The Lord of the Rings -- if The Lord of the Rings sucked."

Read the Rest Here

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"Yes. We're going to propose replacing Obamacare with patient-centered health care, with a better health care system for everybody."

-- Failed vice-presidential candidate and lead singer of Steak Baby Paul Ryan answering Fox News's question about whether the new GOP budget assumes that Obama's Affordable Care Act will be repealed

Astonishing. They're never going to stop beating this dead horse, no matter what. I said this once before, quite a while back, but I'm not sure whether to admire the GOP's tenacity or despise their relentless obstinacy in the face of the will of the majority of Americans. These people never give up. No matter how much time goes by, how ingrained into our culture a system becomes, or how broad-based a decision's appeal is, if the Republicans don't like it as far as they're concerned it's illegitimate and they'll fight to the death to do away with it. It's staggering when you consider the fact that they continue to refight, over and over again, battles over social security, abortion, and civil rights laws -- battles they were utterly defeated in the first time around.

Their war to end Obamacare will never end. We'll still be listening to this crap 40 years from now.

Quote of the Day

"(President Obama puts us on) a path that grows government, restricts freedom and liberty and compromises those values -- those Judeo-Christian, Western civilization values that made us a great and exceptional nation in the first place."

-- Paul Ryan, on a town hall-style call last night with social conservatives, organized by Ralph Reed

Uh-huh. I'll refer you to yesterday's post here.

True Believers

As promised, today's column over at the Daily Banter has to do with Richard "Howling Mad" Mourdock and his BFF, Mitt Romney.

Here's an excerpt:

"Mourdock’s status as one of the new breed of unpolished, ideologically pure Tea Party darlings that have seized the imagination of the right over the past four years — make no mistake, in direct response to the election of Barack Obama — is really what’s at the center of this latest mess for the GOP. He’s like a child. He doesn’t know any better. He just blurts out what’s on his mind. Mourdock’s the picture of unfiltered conservative sincerity. And that’s what allowed him to wipe the floor with longtime Indiana Republican Senator Dick Lugar back in May of this year: the fact that he appeals to the batshit crazy beliefs and superstitions of the base and, upon winning, immediately throws down the eliminationist gauntlet by declaring that his idea of bipartisanship in Washington is 'Democrats coming to the Republican point of view.' The no-longer-fringe right of today eats that crap up like soma."

Read the Rest Here

Adding:



That didn't take long at all. Boo-ya.

You Got Served

In addition to the fact that he's funny as hell, keeps the welcome mat out for idiots like me and always has a good supply of kick-ass bourbon he's willing to share, this is why I'm glad to be friends with Drew Curtis -- and why I love Fark.com.

The Huffington Post: Soup Kitchen Facing Donor Backlash Over Paul Ryan Photo Op Gets Help from Fark Fundraising Campaign/10.21.12

Good for Drew and Fark.

And fuck you, Ryan.

"Thlack"

Perfect -- right down to the Nickelback poster.

Speaking Part

Just little heads-up to any interested parties out there. I'll be doing a segment this afternoon over at HuffPost Live -- the subject, partially, is the piece I wrote a few weeks back taking aim at the claim that Paul Ryan has "Gen X sensibilities" and that they may help him reach that particular demographic. My point was that while Ryan may be many things -- and yes, he's my age -- to label him specifically as "Gen X" is a little ridiculous.

Anyway, I'll be on live, debating this topic, no doubt with a couple of other people who will shout at me. Who the hell knows. Never been on HuffPost Live before.

Feel free to watch if the mood strikes you. It airs around 5:45pm ET.

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"Does Paul Ryan even know what a mountain looks like? Is Paul Ryan even a congressman? Paul Ryan is now the guy from your high school who said he ran a 4.5 40 but didn't want to go out for the team because he pulled his hammy. Paul Ryan is the guy from your work who told you he played D1 ball but seems suspiciously short and out of shape. Paul Ryan is the guy at the bar who keeps telling you he could "probably" beat Usain Bolt in a race, "if I was in better shape." Paul Ryan's ex-girlfriend looked like a cross between Lindsay Lohan and Katherine Heigel. Paul Ryan was at the very first Train show. Paul Ryan once took on three guys in a fight and won. Paul Ryan's dad has a go-kart track in his attic but he locks it when other kids come over because he doesn't want to get sued."

-- Gawker's Max Read on Paul Ryan's claim that he's made "close to 40 climbs" of Colorado's 14,000-foot peaks

Here's a fun little game: Take that now officially done-to-death "Chuck Norris Facts" meme and swap out Norris's name for Paul Ryan's.

For example:

"If you can see Paul Ryan, he can see you. If you can't see Paul Ryan you may be only seconds away from death."

"Once a cobra bit Paul Ryan's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died."

"Paul Ryan can slam revolving doors."

"Superman owns a pair of Paul Ryan pajamas."

"Paul Ryan has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants."

"Paul Ryan once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands."

"Death once had a near-Paul Ryan experience."

"Paul Ryan sleeps with a night light. Not because Paul Ryan is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Paul Ryan."

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"The good news is that the Romney-Ryan campaign has likely created dozens of new jobs among the legions of additional fact checkers that media outlets are rushing to hire to sift through the mountain of cow dung that flowed from Ryan’s mouth."

-- Sally Kohn, of all things a Fox News contributor, in a column which claims that Ryan may have set the world record for the number of blatant lies in one political speech

I'm not sure how many times or ways this can be said: There's a difference between political spin, which all campaigns engage in, and outright lies, which the Romney camp has been almost breathtakingly audacious about dispensing and repeating, even in the face of a mountain of contradictory evidence.

If this kind of staggering detachment from reality were being displayed by anyone not trying to win a political campaign, you'd call that person a sociopath.

To dig back to an old and appropriate Saturday Night Live reference, at this point the perfect Republican campaign slogan would be, "Romney-Ryan 2012: Yeah, That's the Ticket."

Quote of the Day (Early Edition)

"So there he is, the Republican vice presidential nominee and his beautiful family there. His mom is up there. This is exactly what this crowd of Republicans here, certainly Republicans all across the country were hoping for. He delivered a powerful speech, Erin, a powerful speech. Although I marked seven or eight points I'm sure the fact-checkers will have some opportunities to dispute if they want to go forward, I'm sure they will. As far as Mitt Romney's campaign is concerned, Paul Ryan on this night delivered."

-- CNN's Wolf Blitzer, following Paul Ryan's address at the RNC a few hours ago

Oh, just seven or eight potential factual errors. No big deal as long as he delivered a "powerful" speech, right?

Erin Burnett quickly responded, incidentally, by admitting that "there were some problems with the facts, but it motivated people."

I knew my sudden soft spot for CNN and the belief that it could be something truly special in television news wouldn't last very long. (Also see today's upcoming column in the Daily Banter.)

As for Ryan's speech, here are four separate articles that pick apart the lies upon lies upon utter bullshit upon shameless hypocrisy he dispensed while up there at the podium, proving once again that the entire Romney campaign is just daring somebody to stop it:

Salon: Paul Ryan's Brazen Lies/8.29.12

New York Magazine: Paul Ryan Bets on the Ignorance of America/8.29.12

Bloomberg: Paul Ryan's Hypocritical Attack on Barack Obama/8.29.12

TPM: Five Misleading Claims in Paul Ryan's Convention Speech/8.29.12

Ryan may as well have been saying in that picture above, "And on top of all that, my cock is this big!"

Magic Paul

"The Ryan selection sent a jolt of electricity, and the conservative base, including myself, are energized by it even as it allows Romney now to also appeal to young voters. In one week, Paul Ryan has become a national sex symbol."

-- Sean Hannity

I'm going to borrow a lot of what's in this post from Cesca, because honestly he put it almost exactly the same way I would've and I think this hilarity deserves to be seen and enjoyed by as many people as possible. What you're witnessing right now is a replay of the sexualizing of Sarah Palin that we saw four years ago. I'm sure you remember the National Review's Rich Lowry basically admitting that he couldn't help himself and began jerking-off while watching Palin in the 2008 vice presidential debate:

"Palin... projects through the screen like crazy. I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, 'Hey, I think she just winked at me.' And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or you don't, and man, she's got it.'"

Well, now it's Paul Ryan's turn. And it sure as hell didn't take long. First came the whispers of Paul Ryan being "Gen X," and with that in mind, Cesca pondered on the podcast recording a couple of days ago how long it would take before the GOP began pushing Ryan -- in the most obvious, shameless and tawdriest of manners -- as some kind of beefcake stud who's suddenly starting to "excite" female voters, if you get my drift. On the podcast, we talked about the prospect of shirtless photos of Ryan turning up somewhere and the near-certainty that those photos would be released by strategists working for the Republicans themselves.


Well, guess what? The "Ryan is Hot" meme has begun on the right -- complete with a set of talking points and, yes, a visual aid.

By the way, one of the questions into this week's Daily Banter mailbag had to do with the chance that the right would try to superficially push Ryan as some kind of sex god. My response was, predictably, just rude as all hell. Free free to take a look.

Oh, and the only upside to this is the possibility that Rich Lowry will truly step up, take one for the team and state publicly and in comically flowery language that he's becoming gay for Paul Ryan. Or maybe, in an effort to keep the Sexy Ryan meme going, the GOP will force Ryan to suddenly and inexplicably pour pitchers of cold water over his head and down his shirt, in slow motion, at all kinds of inappropriate moments -- like when he's speaking to seniors or holding high-level staff meetings. If this keeps up, Ryan will eventually become the Matthew McConaughey of the Republican party: "Uh, ya know, today's vote I think would be a good opportunity to take mah shirt off."

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"Paul Ryan's love of Rage Against the Machine is amusing, because he is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against for two decades."

-- Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello

I've never been a big Rage fan. Their stuff started out being damn potent but eventually devolved into silly cliché, mostly because Zach de la Rocha's an obnoxious jackass -- and while I agree with some of their politics I absolutely don't agree with all of them.

That said, this goes to what I wrote about a couple of days ago: Paul Lynde was more "Gen X" than Paul Ryan is.

Generation Ex

My column today for the Daily Banter takes a look at Paul Ryan's age -- and whether his experience jibes with the traditional definition of "Gen X."

Here's the opening shot:

"There’s an entertaining little column currently running at CNN.com that I have to admit made me do a double-take, mostly because it focuses on something about Paul Ryan that I should have picked up on but which I’ve strangely overlooked: he’s my age. The piece posits that Ryan’s 'Gen X sensibilities' will be an asset to him as he attempts to ascend to the second-highest office in the land and trumpets the fact that he’s the first person of his generation — my generation — to run on an American presidential ticket. Obviously, he won’t be the last since the Baby Boomers are on their way out as the dominant cultural force and, well, we’re next in line..."

Read the Rest Here

Vice Shitty

If you listen to the loudest voices on the right -- the insanely irresponsible austerity-or-bust Tea Party types and the cheerleaders on talk radio and within the official GOP PR unit at Fox News -- Paul Ryan is the conservative Christ-child and Mitt Romney's decision to tap him as his running mate is "bold" and makes this campaign all about big Republican ideas. Ryan is one of those guys whose sheer orgiastic lust at the idea of giving head to Ayn Rand's strap-on while being done from behind by Grover Norquist makes him a serious "idea man" within the Republican party. But regardless of that, mainstream GOP insiders also know that his unapologetic objectivist wealth-worship and open advocacy for an end to the social safety net makes him toxic to a vast swath of America -- and that's why behind the scenes they're both terrified and angry right now.

From today's Politico, which is anything but a liberal outlet:

"Away from the cameras, and with all the usual assurances that people aren’t being quoted by name, there is an unmistakable consensus among Republican operatives in Washington: Romney has taken a risk with Ryan that has only a modest chance of going right — and a huge chance of going horribly wrong.

In more than three dozen interviews with Republican strategists and campaign operatives — old hands and rising next-generation conservatives alike — the most common reactions to Ryan ranged from gnawing apprehension to hair-on-fire anger that Romney has practically ceded the election...

The more pessimistic strategists don’t even feign good cheer: They think the Ryan pick is a disaster for the GOP. Many of these people don’t care that much about Romney — they always felt he faced an improbable path to victory — but are worried that Ryan’s vocal views about overhauling Medicare will be a millstone for other GOP candidates in critical House and Senate races."

Here's the thing: No matter what you hear from the GOP pep squad, make no mistake -- Ryan can only hurt Mitt Romney. He can't and won't help him in November.

Quote of the Day

"We are not going to have a one-sided deal that hurts the folks who are most vulnerable... This isn't class warfare -- it's math."

-- President Barack Obama, announcing a deficit-reduction plan that includes $1.5 trillion in new taxes for the very wealthy and promising to veto any proposal that includes cuts without new revenue

In case you're curious, the president is responding to a thoroughly predictable preemptive "NO" from the perpetually obstinate congressional Republicans, including melodramatic super-twerp Paul Ryan who said recently, "Class warfare might make for good politics, but it makes for rotten economics."

Three important things to remember: 1) Yes, it is class warfare we're talking about -- and the upper class is winning in a rout, 2) Paul Ryan has zero credibility on matters of economic policy, and 3) he and his GOP cohorts don't give one forlorn crap about you. Not a one.

Quote of the Day

"I don’t think the plan goes too far. I think it’s disingenuous and fraudulent. And the reason I think that is that I have actually done the math."

-- Paul Krugman on the mainstream media's slavish worship of Republican Disney-Pixar creation Paul Ryan and his supposedly magic budget