Well, That Sucked

Today's late-in-the-day column for the Daily Banter takes a look back on the week that was -- namely, the comical silliness that was the Republican National Convention.

Here's the opening shot:

"My mother has this thing where she refuses to watch violent R-rated movies. No matter how brilliant a film is — how well it was reviewed, how many awards it’s won, how seminal it may be — if there’s even a fair amount of bloodshed in it, chances are she won’t go anywhere near it. When asked why she willingly cuts herself off from dozens upon dozens of excellent films just because of a little violence, she always comes back with the same basic answer: “Why would I want to subject myself to something that will only upset and disgust me?” This is pretty much what I’ve been thinking over the past few nights, the reason I haven’t really watched any of the Republican National Convention at length: Why would I want to subject myself to something I already know will only upset and disgust me? Maybe I’m shirking my obligation to be both a responsible voter and an informed online commentator, but, well, tough — I’ve never been a big fan of migraines and if I wanted to simply piss myself off for no good reason, I’d call my ex-wife..."

Read the Rest Here

Quote of the Day

"Nonsense from Clint Eastwood, anti-people Hollywood actor, in defense of Mitt Romney, the Right’s candidate for the U.S. elections. For friends who know English, if you understand what this guy said, let me know too.”

-- The caption from the above picture circulating throughout Iranian media circles this morning, translated back into English

Look, I noticed quite a few people on the left, particularly in a couple of choice columns at the Huffington Post, giving Clint crap not about anything he said or the fact that he was willing to appear in front of the RNC at all, but about what it all supposedly says about him as a person. In other words, there was a lot of denigrating of a guy who's undisputedly a Hollywood legend and a cultural icon just because he happens to be Republican. It was petty, it was foolish and it was a flawless example of just how ridiculously all-or-nothing our political discourse has become. I don't particularly love Eastwood's politics across the board, but that doesn't mean I can't have a hell of a lot of respect for who he is and what he's done throughout his career -- and I'm certainly not going to try to pretend that his political affiliation somehow lessens or cheapens his accomplishments. That's fucking stupid.

That said, his speech was admittedly really bizarre -- although I do think it added some much needed life and a sense of tightrope-walking danger to the otherwise tediously boring proceedings. This was, after all, the staircase-descending coming out event for the world's most uninteresting debutante, Mitt Romney. In fact, I kind of think Clint may have purposely punked the GOP. Maybe he's been tapped to replace Dunn in the Jackass crew and this was his big introduction. Also, like all of Eastwood's work, his speech was slow, had a lot of unnecessary pauses and was about twice as long as it needed to be.

Quote of the Week

"The Republican Party has set out at its 2012 convention in search of the Event Horizon of utter bullshit."

-- Esquire's Charles Pierce

And there you have it: my favorite thing said about this year's Republican National Convention -- and the rest of Pierce's column is equally vicious and brilliant.

Oh and sorry about all the quotes today -- they're just really good and I'm really busy.

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"The good news is that the Romney-Ryan campaign has likely created dozens of new jobs among the legions of additional fact checkers that media outlets are rushing to hire to sift through the mountain of cow dung that flowed from Ryan’s mouth."

-- Sally Kohn, of all things a Fox News contributor, in a column which claims that Ryan may have set the world record for the number of blatant lies in one political speech

I'm not sure how many times or ways this can be said: There's a difference between political spin, which all campaigns engage in, and outright lies, which the Romney camp has been almost breathtakingly audacious about dispensing and repeating, even in the face of a mountain of contradictory evidence.

If this kind of staggering detachment from reality were being displayed by anyone not trying to win a political campaign, you'd call that person a sociopath.

To dig back to an old and appropriate Saturday Night Live reference, at this point the perfect Republican campaign slogan would be, "Romney-Ryan 2012: Yeah, That's the Ticket."

Quote of the Day (Early Edition)

"So there he is, the Republican vice presidential nominee and his beautiful family there. His mom is up there. This is exactly what this crowd of Republicans here, certainly Republicans all across the country were hoping for. He delivered a powerful speech, Erin, a powerful speech. Although I marked seven or eight points I'm sure the fact-checkers will have some opportunities to dispute if they want to go forward, I'm sure they will. As far as Mitt Romney's campaign is concerned, Paul Ryan on this night delivered."

-- CNN's Wolf Blitzer, following Paul Ryan's address at the RNC a few hours ago

Oh, just seven or eight potential factual errors. No big deal as long as he delivered a "powerful" speech, right?

Erin Burnett quickly responded, incidentally, by admitting that "there were some problems with the facts, but it motivated people."

I knew my sudden soft spot for CNN and the belief that it could be something truly special in television news wouldn't last very long. (Also see today's upcoming column in the Daily Banter.)

As for Ryan's speech, here are four separate articles that pick apart the lies upon lies upon utter bullshit upon shameless hypocrisy he dispensed while up there at the podium, proving once again that the entire Romney campaign is just daring somebody to stop it:

Salon: Paul Ryan's Brazen Lies/8.29.12

New York Magazine: Paul Ryan Bets on the Ignorance of America/8.29.12

Bloomberg: Paul Ryan's Hypocritical Attack on Barack Obama/8.29.12

TPM: Five Misleading Claims in Paul Ryan's Convention Speech/8.29.12

Ryan may as well have been saying in that picture above, "And on top of all that, my cock is this big!"

The Ugly Americans

(Update: This morning, two of the four independent reports I gleaned this story from are retracting it and saying that the chants of "USA!" had everything to do with the Paulbots, which I referenced briefly, and nothing to do with the functionary from Puerto Rico on the stage. I do my damndest to be fair and stick to the facts, so I want to make that clear. I've accused the right of simply and shamelessly making stuff up lately, which it has, and I certainly don't want to do the same.)

I've purposely avoided bringing up the RNC over the past day or so because, well, why bother? We already know exactly what's going to come out of it: At best it's political Kabuki, at worst, since we're dealing with the modern Republican party, it's going to be a lot of firebreathing, red meat chewing and the indefensible demonization of vast swaths of the American electorate.

But on that last point, I guess it really is possible for an unscripted moment of Neanderthalic nativism to take even me by surprise. So grab your popcorn, sit back and behold what happened when Zoraida Fonalledas, a Puerto Rican party functionary, was introduced, approached the podium and began to speak with a heavy Spanish accent.



Granted, the mindless Paulbots have been causing a lot of trouble at the convention so far, but Reince Priebus's very obviously astringent reaction should lead anyone watching it to assume that what he or she thinks was happening was actually happening: a bunch of delegates were shouting down a Latino woman with chants of "USA! USA!"

This is where I mention that Puerto Rico is part of the USA.

I can't even believe I need to do that.

Ire of the Storm

Today's column for the Daily Banter expands a little on something I mentioned here a couple of days ago: the potential for Hurricane Isaac to strike Tampa next week during the Republican National Convention.

Here's a quick excerpt:

"When you consider the fact that the religious right which the modern Republican party has aligned itself and is beholden to completely regularly sees the hand of God in natural occurrences, it somehow seems appropriate that a very big storm could pound the Republican National Convention next week. I don't believe any of the nonsense the hyper-Christian contingent subscribes to, but the irony is inescapable -- and somewhat delicious. The modern incarnation of Republicanism embraces Christ and denies science and man-made climate change, which makes me wonder -- should Isaac become the kind of ferocious storm that used to be an aberration but which we've seen far too many of over the past several years -- exactly where they'll be willing to place blame if they get inundated to the point where their big party is interrupted by evacuation sirens and Emergency Broadcast System signals."

Read the Rest Here

The Perfect Storm

Obviously I don't want to see a hurricane strike land anywhere, particularly not in Florida where I have friends and family; I've been through too many of those things to be excited to see anybody have to endure one.

Gotta admit, though -- the notion of a potential Cat 3 storm striking the Republican National Convention practically head-on just feels like the icing on the karma cake. You couldn't write this stuff -- especially not since this will be the second time in five years a giant storm has threatened the RNC.

Since the religious on the right are often so fond of seeing ridiculous, deeper meaning in events like these -- maybe this is God trying to tell you guys something.

The Washington Post: Could Hurricane Isaac Derail the GOP Convention?/8.22.12

Quote of the Day

"Republicans got plenty of money. They take it all from poor people."

-- Joe Redner, owner of Tampa, Florida's somewhat legendary Mons Venus strip club, who's already gearing up for what he assumes will be a huge windfall come next summer when the GOP National Convention rolls into town

Trust me, it's gonna be the most impressive example of "wealth redistribution" anyone's seen in years.

Reality Check

(AP: Palin and GOP Attacks, Praise Stretch Truth at Convention/9.4.08)

Truth in Advertising

Why I love The Daily Show, reason #312:

This billboard, on display just outside the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport -- just in time for the arrival of the delegates attending next week's Republican National Convention.