Picture of the Day

I'm really enjoying the uncharacteristic brush-off the usual dingbats on the religious right are getting in the wake of yesterday's Supreme Court decisions on DOMA and Prop 8. For years, political leaders and polite society in general have felt like those who've stood in the way of progress in the name of adhering to the tenets of a 2,000-year-old book of fairy tales require a certain amount of respect and deference, but I get the impression that this is finally changing. That's not to say that our politicians will, at any time in the near future, completely abandon the faithful and their little delusions. But it goes to show that people like Michele Bachmann, Mike Huckabee, Bryan Fischer, Rick Perry and so on have so co-opted and codified what it means to believe in something spiritual that they've essentially created a product out of it -- and one whose image they've now ruined.

That's what makes it so easy to dismiss out of hand Mike Huckabee's laughably self-pitying quote from the Bible -- which of course assumes that he knows what the hell the supposed creator of the universe thinks -- and so much fun to watch Nancy Pelosi literally roll her eyes and not even bother to throw shade at Michele Bachmann because she just isn't worth the effort.

If you haven't seen this Pelosi response yet, it's sincerely one for the ages.

(Mis)Quote of the Day

"It reminds me of the Shakespeare line, 'Thou protestest too much.'"

-- Michele Bachmann, idiot, on the House floor this morning

As Mediaite said, no one's saying you need to know Shakespeare by heart, but for God's sake, if you're going to bother quoting him.

Eh, it's not like anyone who voted for her will know she monumentally fucked it up anyway.

Picture of the Day

At Bachmann campaign HQ

Fighting Words

For a couple of weeks now on the podcast, Bob and I have discussed the fact that while everyone's busy pointing out Rick Perry's inability to speak without tripping over his own stupid tongue, no one's paying attention to how asinine and dangerous the things he's trying to say are. Like a couple of weeks ago, when he couldn't remember that he wanted to shutter the Department of Energy, which controls the country's nuclear weapons -- or this gem from Saturday, where he seems to be saying that he wants to end civilian control of our military:

"There is a time and a place for us to intervene, and intervene militarily. But when we intervene militarily, we best make the decision on how we are going to win and how we are going to win convincingly and quickly, send those young men and women with the equipment to win. Don’t let some congressman sitting in an air-conditioned office in Washington DC deciding what the rules of engagement are. … And for us to micromanage them, in a civilian way, without their commanders truly in charge, is absolutely irresponsible and as commander-in-chief of this country I will not let it happen."

I bring this up not because it's so outrageous, which it of course is, and not solely because it's indicative of how far a candidate like Perry has to go to get noticed at an event like the Christian Family Leader "values forum" when he's way down in the polls. No, I mention it because it's crap like this that makes it 100% clear how offensive it is when self-righteous clowns like Glenn Greenwald, Jane Hamsher, etc. make the claim that the Obama Administration is essentially the same thing as any given Republican presidency would be these days, and when they threaten, as Greenwald has, that allowing one of these Perry-esque far-right malignancies into the White House would be a necessary sacrifice if it meant that it would finally bring the country around to how destructive the current GOP model of thinking is.

Right. Because Obama, although by no means someone willing to give the left everything it wants, is the same as a guy who wants to take the reins completely off the U.S. military, who wants to kill the Department of Energy, who thinks the Occupy Wall Street protesters are dirty hippies who are just looking for a handout and who need to go take a shower and get a job (as Gingrich so cleverly intoned on Saturday), who thinks God told him or her to run for office (as half the GOP hopefuls have enthused), who thinks homosexuality is some kind of social disease (Bachmann and Santorum), and who believes that individual towns should be able to ban mosques if they choose (Herman "Toucan Stubs" Cain).

These people are fucking crazy and dangerous. And refusing to accept that because you're all in a huff that the current president simply isn't liberal enough for you is just as crazy and just as dangerous.

Quote of the Day

"When you take the 9-9-9 plan and you turn it upside down, I think the devil's in the details."

-- Michele Bachmann, finally noticing that Herman Cain's 9-9-9 tax plan is 666 upside-down

I'll give Bachmann this: It takes skill to say the most ridiculous thing at one of these GOP Clown Car debates, so good on her.

To his credit, the normally sycophantic Howard Fineman sums up the entire milieu of last night's debate -- which he called a "strange faculty lounge" -- in the Huffington Post. It's worth a read.

Picture of the Day

Sure it's juvenile, but what do you expect from me?

Feel free to caption -- so many come to mind.

Quote of the Day

"When I see her next week, I’ll straighten her out about that."

-- Rep. Allen West, responding to his constituency's concerns over a comment made by Michele Bachmann in which she implied a willingness to drill for oil in the Florida Everglades

Well, guess we won't have to worry about Bachmann anymore come next week.

If I were you, Michele, I'd seriously invest in some body armor -- and maybe a security detail made up entirely of ninjas. When Allen West says he's gonna "straighten out" a woman, he means put her in the correct position to fit in a coffin.

Quote of the Day

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending."

-- Michele Bachmann in today's St. Petersburg Times

In case you need don't have your Batshit-to-English dictionary handy, Bachmann is basically saying that the recent natural disasters in the mid-Atlantic states are God's way of telling Washington that he and his chosen people have had enough of big government. It seems like a waste to state the incredibly obvious, but sometimes the facts are still just mind-boggling: This woman is considered a serious contender to become the person the Republicans nominate for President of the United States.

Really, just let this sink in for a moment: the Republican candidates getting the most exposure and traction right now are a woman who thinks God is a Tea Partier who's punishing us for having a government he doesn't like, a guy who doesn't believe in evolution or the likelihood of man-made global climate change and who insists that the science behind both is somehow untrustworthy, a ranting old man who thinks America should return to the way it was in 1900, and a corporate-raiding multi-millionaire who jokes that he can understand what working-class Americans are suffering through because he, too, is unemployed.

This isn't a campaign season -- it's a Kids in the Hall sketch.

Update: In the interest of fairness, Bachmann's campaign is playing up the fact that her comments seem to have been a joke. I'm actually all for humor and I've given a pass to people who've made somewhat "controversial" jokes before so I'm not going to slam Bachmann too hard if that was her intention. I also don't want to be one of those humorless assholes who says that there are certain things you can't joke about; while I think that as a presidential candidate -- given that a hurricane was bearing down on the Eastern Seaboard and, yes, killing people at the time -- it probably wasn't the best crack to make and she certainly wasn't the person who should've been making it, she's entitled to try to be funny once in a while. That said, I'm not the only person who read the above quote, without seeing any accompanying video, and thoroughly believed Bachmann capable of being dead serious about a belief like that.

In Soviet Russia, Mistake Make You

"What people recogize is that there's a fear that the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward."

-- Michele Bachmann, speaking today, as opposed to, say, 1948

You know, when even your ability to properly fear-monger sucks, you've got serious problems.

Picture(s) of the Day

The first photo should've been the cover of Newsweek, since it constitutes genuine news. The second one -- well, let's just say that's some serious acting there.

Motley Crusaders

I get that I'm, ironically, preaching to the choir here. If you're a regular around these parts, chances are you already know that between Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry -- and despite the Tea Party's proclamations that it's about economic and not social issues -- religious zealotry among conservative presidential contenders is alive and well. Over the weekend, Perry hosted 30,000 people in Houston at a prayer event he dubbed "The Response"; it featured the usual exultant arm-raising, Jesus-inspired trance-dancing and of course thunderous appeals to on high for guidance through these dark times. Bachmann, meanwhile, is -- well, Bachmann; her special brand of Christian fanaticism wouldn't get her declared mentally fit to stand trial for jaywalking much less allow her to be elected leader of any halfway-sane country.

Still, if you need a refresher course on just what we're likely up against in 2012 -- and by "we" I mean the vast swath of rational Americans who remain largely unheard-from in our political discourse simply because crazy makes for better ratings and more page hits -- scan through the following couple of pieces. I don't need to tell you how scary they are -- but that's sort of the point.

International Business Times: Ready or Not America, Here Comes Rick Perry: Presidential Candidate/8.7.11

The New Yorker: Leap of Faith/8.15.11

Mother Jones: The Documentary that Inspired Michele Bachmann/8.8.11

Two little postscripts: First, you may as well hook the keg up in your living room and prepare for the inevitable drinking game to be played wherein you down a beer every time somebody on the right screeches about how the articles above are part of the liberal media's obsession with destroying conservative Christians (two whenever Bachmann is defiantly referred to as a "strong Christian woman with conservative values.")

Second, yesterday on ABC George Will suggested that Rick Perry would be running on a platform of "Texas exceptionalism."

Now go get a paper towel and clean the coffee off your computer before it shorts it out.

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"Newsweek subscribers, upon receiving this issue, will probably scratch their heads trying to remember when they signed up for a trial subscription to It Puts The Lotion In The Basket Weekly."

-- Tommy Christopher at Mediaite on the new issue of Newsweek which features an especially crazy-looking photo of the generally crazy Michele Bachmann on its cover

The always-entertaining conservative media watchdog site Newsbusters is of course immediately decrying the cover, saying that Newsweek set out to purposely disparage Bachmann with it. Right, it's Newsweek that makes her look completely batshit.

By the way, it's taking no time at all for the cover to turn into an internet meme. Compliments of Funny or Die, here are a few quickly photoshopped gems:

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"I have no doubt that we will not lose the full faith and credit of the United States... That's why I refuse to be a party to deceiving the American people yet again. I won't do it. I will vote against any proposal that includes tax increases or raises the debt ceiling."

-- Michele Bachmann, speaking today

Michele Bachmann believes that homosexuals aren't born that way and can be reprogrammed to be straight people. She believes that The Lion King was gay propaganda. She believes that abolishing the minimum wage will create jobs. She believes that Terri Schiavo was never actually in an irreparable vegetative state. She believes that climate change is a hoax and that carbon dioxide is "harmless." She believes that evolution isn't real, that "intelligent design" is, and that most scientists agree on both counts.

And she believes that the debt ceiling doesn't matter, that a potential default isn't imminent and that the whole thing is a scam made up by the Democrats.

Yup. Michelle Bachmann is somebody you really want to be listening to right about now.

Sexual Juxtaposition

Remember, it's not gay -- and if it is, Marcus Bachmann can cure it.

Yidd-ish

This is the best thing you'll see all day.

I just keep watching it over and over and over.

Can we please just fast-forward to tonight's Daily Show?

Quote of the Day

"Fans of obscure 1970s television may remember a short-lived children's show called Far Out Space Nuts, in which a pair of dimwitted NASA repairmen, one of whom is played by Bob (Gilligan) Denver, accidentally send themselves into space by pressing 'launch' instead of 'lunch' inside a capsule they were fixing at Cape Canaveral. This plot device roughly approximates the political and cultural mechanism that is sending Michele Bachmann hurtling in the direction of the Oval Office."

-- Matt Taibbi in a piece in Rolling Stone called "Michele Bachmann's Holy War"

FTW

Quote of the Day

"John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too."

-- Michele Bachmann

At first glance, there's nothing wrong with this statement aside from its being the kind of ridiculously pedestrian pandering we've all come to expect from Republican candidates in general and tea partiers in particular. But then you realize that this is Michele Bachmann -- and therefore it comes as no surprise that John Wayne the legendary actor and conservative icon wasn't, in fact, from Waterloo, Iowa but the notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy was.

Just remember, though -- ignore this sort of thing and trust the political media when they drool all over themselves to tell you that Bachmann is someone who deserves to be taken seriously.

Quote of the Day

"I really believe Sarah Palin would be a good opportunity. Michele Bachmann is excellent -- she’s very sharp and a strong person."

-- Tim LaHaye, author of the Left Behind series, on who he'd like to see become president in 2012

The irony of the guy who wrote a bunch of books about the end of the world imagining Palin or Bachmann as president, better yet as an "opportunity," if you get his drift -- it's just pretty much perfect.

Incidentally, along those lines, these are just two of the "four" choices he's concentrating on. Once again, just perfect.

Quote of the Day

"I am a person of substance."

-- Michele Bachmann defending herself on MSNBC

No, you moron, you're not.