High Note

This is my favorite story of the day -- because you all know how much I hate Glee and its egomaniacal creator, Ryan Murphy, who believes that all bands should not only give their songs freely to his unholy creation so it can utterly destroy them, but should also grovel at his feet for seeing fit to use their music in the first place. (And no, do not tell me that he redeemed himself with American Horror Story; that show is predictably self-indulgent and ridiculous.)

Well, kind of like the Foo Fighters before him, Glee picked the wrong guy to fuck with when they decided to rip-off Jonathan Coulton without giving him an ounce of credit.

Zap2It: Glee vs. Jonathan Coulton/1.28.13

Rock Is Dead

A musical. Featuring Broadway versions of Night Ranger, Journey, Starship and Def Leppard songs. Starring Catherine Zeta-Jones as the obligatory uptight, anti-rock crusader cliché and Tom Cruise method-acting his way into skin-tight leather pants to play a 70s-era rock god (for the glory of L. Ron).

Somebody please, for the love of all that's holy, stop the Glee-ification of American culture.

I would seriously rather have a screwdriver jammed into my brain through my ear, like Dennis Hopper's mad bomber did to that guard at the beginning of Speed, than sit through ten minutes of Rock of Ages.

Watch this if you dare.

Thinking Outside the Inbox

Yet another entry in our ongoing series which brings just some of the PR-firm junk e-mail I regularly get to you, the readers.

Hi Chez!

As fans anxiously await the season premiere of Glee on September 20th, those looking for even more mash-ups, more show-mance, and more Sue need only head to their local bookstores to get their hands on any of the three pitch-perfect original Glee novels currently available from Poppy/Little, Brown. Recognizing the show’s powerful and passionate fan base, each book in the Glee publishing program is created in close collaboration with the creators of Fox’s hit show, and reflects the series’ intelligent comedic sensibility and quirky, heartfelt story lines.

GLEE: THE BEGINNING

Want to know what was happening with Rachel, Kurt, Quinn and Finn before Will Schuster took over the Glee Club? Find out in the first Original Glee Novel, a prequel that transports readers to McKinley High's hallways before the show began.

GLEE: FOREIGN EXCHANGE

Can Rachel Berry rock a beret? McKinley High goes international when a French glee club comes to town in the second pitch-perfect original Glee novel!

GLEE: SUMMER BREAK

In this brand-new story officially approved by the creators of Glee, Mr. Schuester doesn't want the glee club to lose its momentum over summer break, so he's talked Rachel, Finn, and the crew into running a singing workshop for local kids.

Please let me know if you have any questions or if you need me to send copies of the books/additional information.

I'd be happy to send you books for a giveaway!

All best,

Lily

And now, my response:

Lily,

OMG! This must be my lucky day! You know, I was just sitting here thinking to myself that if only there had been a phenomenon like Glee bukkakeing the face of pop culture during my high school days, I probably wouldn't have grown into the bitter, elitist, middle-aged heterosexual asshole I am today. That's because Glee makes being a gay teenager look so, well, just so darn awesome that I likely would've tried to convert in the hope of eventually becoming a bitter, elitist, middle-aged homosexual asshole like Glee creator Ryan Murphy.

Alas, there were no shows like Glee during my formative years, and so a childhood spent feasting on The A-Team and Knight Rider meant that I was one of the unlucky, drab ones who didn't get to dance around his or her bedroom to whatever was the Katy Perry-esque underdog anthem of the era, proudly proclaiming how cool it was to be so liberatingly uncool.

Anyhoo, bottom line: No, not really interested in any Glee books, even for a free giveaway. In fact, I'm trying to figure out why the hell anyone would want to read a story that's usually set to music if you can't hear the music. Although if you do happen to be in direct contact with Ryan Murphy -- and he's not busy trying to remove the guitar Dave Grohl jammed up his ass -- please let him know that every time Gwyneth Paltrow makes an appearance on his show and butchers a song, I realize just a little more that Seven had a happy ending.

Toodles,

Chez : )

Quote(s) of the Day Week

"You shouldn't have to do fucking Glee. The guy is so offended that we're not, like, begging to be on his fucking show. Fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee. I watched ten minutes... it's not my thing."

-- Dave Grohl in the Hollywood Reporter

I cannot stress enough how much I love this quote and how I couldn't in a million years have said it better myself.

Ryan Murphy has developed some kind of bizarre God-complex now that his show is an inexplicable cultural phenomenon. He's a pissy little queen who's forged a bulletproof reputation for believing he can egomaniacally assert his authority whenever and wherever he sees fit -- proclaiming that any artist who doesn't genuflect before his painfully average creation and consider it some kind of wholly necessary command performance be ridiculed and banished from on high. As if every single band just cries out to hear its words and music turned into a gay anthem.

Fuck you, Murphy. Your show is trite crap.

At the very least, it's time you started accepting the sentiment that Foo Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins expressed in his follow-up to Grohl's tirade: "Dude, maybe not everybody loves Glee."

By the way, you know how much of a dick Ryan Murphy is? He managed to piss off Dave Grohl -- who it's well known is one of the nicest guys in rock and roll.

Related:

Quote of the Day: Ryan Murphy vs. Kings of Leon/1.27.11

Quote of the Day

"Dear Ryan Murphy, let it go. See a therapist, get a manicure, buy a new bra. Zip your lip and focus on educating 7yr olds how to say fuck."

-- Kings of Leon drummer Nathan Followill responding to Glee creator Ryan Murphy's public fit following the band's decision not to license its music for use in the show

Basically, Kings of Leon politely declined Murphy's request for the rights to Use Somebody, saying that they rarely license their stuff to anyone.

Murphy responded by saying, "Fuck you, Kings of Leon," and calling them "assholes" during a magazine interview.

Because the world needs fewer pissy queen clichés.

Thought for the Day

You know, Madonna was on Ellen a couple of days ago to lend her two cents to the fight against the current "epidemic" of bullying in America, officially signifying that the whole Heathers-esque anti-bullying fad that's been sweeping the nation has finally jumped the shark. This can only mean that the inevitable pro-bully backlash will soon begin. So prissy little outcasts everywhere, get ready to be dragged kicking and screaming into the giant steel cage your school gym has been converted into, where you'll be beaten savagely by jocks wielding cafeteria chairs while hundreds of NRA-supporting parents in camouflage t-shirts and "Big Journalism" baseball caps look on unashamed.

Remember, everything in our culture these days is cyclical, and it's only a matter of time before people have had enough of being made to feel like they need to defer to the Glee kids.

Gleek You

I've made it pretty clear that I don't normally base what I choose to write about on what kind of angry reaction my thoughts on a specific topic might generate. In other words, I don't try to rile people up just for the sake of riling people up. That said, I fully expected the regulars in the Huffington Post peanut gallery to eviscerate me for my quickie piece on the Glee girls-GQ photo spread-- and I have to admit that I'm actually kind of disappointed they didn't, since their special brand of pious indignation is usually damn entertaining. Anyway, here are the best of the bunch:

"Why are so many Americans such hysterical prudes? So many are into fundamentalist religion, or violent sports, or support needless wars--yet are rabidly fanatical against even the suggestion of sexuality, or nudity, or affection, or 'PDA'? What a sad, sick society. I thought the 'Glee' shoot was fun and well-done. And no one in the photo shoot was in their teens. Now--how about that collapsing economy? Unemployment? Expensive and seemingly endless war? Running out of cheaply extractable oil? Racism? Ecological issues? Homophobia? The need for expanded scientific education? Aren't there any REAL issues to tackle?"

-- zenju2

"I'm curious as to whether there is any limit to the writer's beliefs that what these women do on their own time is strictly their own business. What if this was a sex tape with these outfits on? AT what point do you think the producers of this show would say...this is hurting the brand ...if there is any point? People will argue that...there is no drop in ratings....except ratings don't tell us exactly who is watching. Will it still be young girls, or will it be mature GQ men? Surely you agree it is unlikely the same show would appeal to both audiences... These girls, whether they like it or not, are in a show targetted to young teens. As public figures, they have to decide whether they have any responsibility to their audience. Lots of public figures like athletes and actors and politicians truly believe their private lives have nothing to do with their public lives. These women obviously fall into that camp. There are, however, many of us who feel that a public figure with a defined audience has a responsibility to their audience. In the photo shoot, these girls elected to wear and sexualize 'school girl outfits'. They deliberatly CHOSE to ride on their GLEE roles as school girls. I hope and expect they will be fired for sullying their professional uniforms... Oh, and by the way...'hysterical prudes' like me have, by expressing outrage, made cruelty to animals a crime, child-labor a crime. These women were used by people who did not have either their best interest, or the best interest of school girls in mind... This is a very simple arguemnt: either you believe public figures such as sports figures, politicians, actresses etc., have a responsiblilty to provide a positive leadership role to their audiences ...which alot of us believe...or you belive the public can go to hell, and these people have no responsibility (which is your belief)."

-- PM Gaffney (who seems to be obsessed with the concept of uniforms, saying that the girls' clothes are their uniforms as actresses and that they're wearing school uniforms and that all this means that they've violated some kind of sacred trust established by the wearing of a uniform and that they're contaminating our precious bodily fluids. Or something like that)

"Conservatives are doing everything in their power to make sure all our childrens understand that the human body is evil, especially the female body, which is why it needs to be regulated."

-- jsgaetano

"I'm as left wing as you get...I'm not American, and I have a problem with this photoshoot. So it's not accurate to paint this as conservative opposition. It's not the 'nakedness' that is the problem or the actresses ages. Doesn't anyone understand context??!! It's the fact that they are portraying underage highschool students, Lea Michelle is in her undies spread eagle on a school gym locker bench. It's the story the photo is telling."

-- alsm9

And my favorite comment because it's just that crazy:

"a wholly sophistic and disingenuous argument... the subtext of nudes in classical art has ALWAYS been a celebration of beauty and innocence using nudity to symbolize their uncovered radiance... the subtext of this (as with all contemporary popular culture sexploitation 'art') is to promote the mass consciousness maxim: 'Everybody Get Naked and F--K. All The Time. And That Means You Kids, Too!' ...i personally don't care what other people may want to do to desecrate their temples. they'll have to answer to the landlord when the lease comes up. i keep the sanctity of mine intact. and i do it by remembering the story of the Jewish man who, while digging his own grave and just before being shot in the head by a Nazi soldier, courageously turned to his murderer and said simply 'God is watching what you do.'"

-- planet416

If the ratings are any indication, no, God isn't watching -- because he's watching Glee.

While You Were Busy Freaking Out Over the 20-Something Glee Girls...

...17-year-old Taylor Momsen did this:

The Huffington Post: Taylor Momsen Flashes Breasts During Show/10.22.10

I rest my case.

Quote of the Day: Addendum

"Oh, good. Just what this situation needed. The input from a man whose daughter is single-handedly creating an army of 11-year-old strippers."

-- The Superficial.com, responding to word that Billy Ray Cyrus, who happens to be on the Parents Television Council advisory board, is speaking out in support of the Glee photo shoot in GQ

Quote of the Day

"If you are hurt or these photos make you uncomfortable, it was never our intention. And if your eight-year-old has a copy of our GQ cover in hand, again I am sorry. But I would have to ask, how on earth did it get there?"

-- Dianna Agron, responding to the entirely contrived controversy over her and two of her fellow Glee castmembers' photo shoot in GQ

I'm a straight 40-year-old male who doesn't much like Madonna and isn't still nursing psychic wounds from being profoundly tortured for his lunch money in the 9th grade -- which means that I couldn't care less about Glee.

That said, it's entertaining the level of at best concern, at worst outright indignation currently being voiced over a new GQ pictorial which features a couple of members of the Glee cast cavorting "half-naked" on a set made to look like a high school hallway. The arguments seem to be that a) showing grown women who play teenagers on TV sexing it up is creepy/sick (the straight female argument), b) it's sexist and entirely unfair that Lea Michele and Dianna Agron strip for the photos while hunky guy Cory Monteith remains predictably clothed (the gay male argument), and c) "Arrrgh!!! No!!! Sex and television characters!!! What about our children?!?" (the Parents Television Council argument).

For the life of me I'll never understand the current pop cultural obsession with Glee; it's not an awful show by any means, but it's a damn near perfect example of a phenomenon that's taken on a life of its own and which is now wildly out of proportion with the thing that spawned it. To its legion of rabid fans, Glee is critic-proof; try bringing up the show's many flaws with any self-proclaimed "Gleek" and you may as well be at a Tea Party rally trying to reason with an obese woman on a Hoveround.


But back to the photo shoot: Artists have been creating and outlets have been commissioning images of attractive and scantily clad women since just about the dawn of time. Jesus, at least Michele and Agron are actually legal, as opposed to, say, Miley Cyrus, who has no issue giving potential pedophiles real spank material by posing topless before the age of 18. And that's really what it comes down to anyway: Whatever you think of the pictures, even if you've got a problem with the fact that the photographer who took them is kind of a notorious letch, the fact remains that the two adult women -- and the man, for that matter -- willingly went along with the shoot and did it for a magazine aimed at fellow adults. If they don't have an issue with posing that way, I can't bring myself to make a stink about the fact that they did.

Plus, at least something finally made Glee, and these characters, interesting for me.