Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Girls, Girls, Girls

(Part 1: Heaven's Cates/05.04.07)

Part 2: Screen Savors

It's safe to say that if my taste in women ran toward the Jessica Simpsons and Carmen Electras of the world, not only would my wife hang her head in shame -- she probably wouldn't be my wife in the first place. Having lived in both L.A. and its retarded little brother Miami (the town that gives creedence to Obi-Wan Kenobi's maxim, "Who's the more foolish -- the fool or the fool who follows him?") I know what it's like to be submerged in a sea of bleach-blonde hair, incomprehensibly large fake breasts and literally three-quarters of an IQ point. Maybe that's the reason why the hot-but-stupid thing has never done it for me; kind of the way the guy working 35 hours a week at McDonald's would rather take a shotgun slug to the chest than even think about a Big Mac -- no matter how many millions and millions might line up for them daily.

As far as I'm concerned, "hot" is easy; it can be attained through any manner of makeup, airbrushing or fancy camerawork. True beauty, on the otherhand, is an infinitely more fascinating and precious commodity; it really is more than skin deep -- the overall indefinable product created by mixing so many other exquisite qualities: intelligence, passion, wisdom, talent, humanity, strength, wit, vulnerability, grace, class, etc. It's ironically both pervasive and elusive, and although often impossible to describe, you always know it when you see it.

Every guy's first loves appear on the big screen, and he always carries a torch for those gorgeous women of the movies.

These are a few of my favorites.


Diane Lane

Make no mistake, young women can be a lot of things -- "sexy" usually isn't one of them. Sexy is something that comes with age and confidence. Diane Lane has that locked.


Naomi Watts

The phrase "Lovely and Talented" was invented for her.


Maria Bello

The woman is a daring force of nature on the screen, and I can't think of any movie star who looks balls-out sexier in leather pants. I want to go drinking with her.


Embeth Davidtz

All kinds of class, plus the ability to convey an astonishing combination of frailty and strength.


Laura Linney

It's inexplicable how someone so warm and radiant can play flawed and insecure so well.


Audrey Tatou

If her mischievous, pixie-like smile in Amelie didn't melt you into a puddle, you're Dick Cheney.


Thandie Newton

The only line Tom Cruise ever delivered convincingly: when he looked into her eyes in Mission Impossible II and said, "Damn you're beautiful."


Rachel McAdams

She's got flawless skin, talent to burn, and Ryan Gosling -- the hands-down best actor of his generation and my admitted man-crush; what's not to love?

Next: The Rock Stars

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