Showing posts with label the south. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the south. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Don't Cry for Me, Appalachia


Today's column for the Daily Banter has to do with MTV's new show Buckwild and the reaction to it.

Here's the opening shot:

"A couple of years back, when I worked almost entirely from home and my schedule never involved meetings, lunches and so on, I used to make it a point to try to carve out an hour of my day to watch Maury. Yes, Maury. If you’re somebody who’s paid to be a snotty little shit online, Maury is required viewing and therefore I considered my daily dose of the show to be something akin to research. There’s no better barometer for how depthlessly fucked-up we are a society than watching a cavalcade of gold-toothed illiterate black caricatures and white trash guys clad in wife-beaters and plaid shirts with Caesar haircuts and goatees stomp onto a TV studio set in Stamford, Connecticut — arms raised, proudly basking in the ire of the studio audience — to find out whether they are the father of little Nevaeh (cleverly, “Heaven” spelled backward) or if one of the 27 others guys who apparently slept with her grossly overweight mother gets the honor.

Is it cruel to laugh at the kind of human zoological experiment regularly on display on a show like Maury? Maybe. But as callous as this may sound, I’ve always believed that you can’t save everybody. Sometimes you just have to shake your head and use it to sharpen your mockery skills, MST3K-style, because there’s really nothing else you can do — and this, my friends, is the essence of one very specific genre of reality TV."


Read the Rest Here

Monday, April 30, 2012

Quote of the Day


"Sexual conduct encouraging an individual to engage in a non-abstinent behavior."

-- The definition of "Gateway Sexual Activity," according to a bill passed by lawmakers in Tennessee last week intended to promote abstinence-only sex ed in schools and to prohibit teachers from promoting actions that could conceivably lead to sex

The more I read about laugh-out-loud shit like this, the more I think that the push for absolute abstinence came along about two generations too late in places like Tennessee.

Also, this:

Friday, March 16, 2012

Meet the Depressing



This is the video clip Bob and I talk about in this week's podcast.

Watch at your own risk.

As I said -- begged, really -- at the end of the show: Please, please secede, Mississippi. You will not be missed.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Quote of the Day


"Rick Perry is not a racist... he is a good man. (There's) an intimidation factor, you'd better believe it. You know, if you're a Southern white guy this is part of your life."

-- Lindsey Graham on Rick Perry and the hardships of being a white man in the South

Yeah, right. Unless you're Ned Beatty in Deliverance what threats do you really face as a Southern white guy? It's not like you have any natural predators, except for maybe gravity if you happen to be a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Actually, now that I think about it, I do know something that intimidates a Southern white guy: eighth grade.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Quote of the Day


"'oh I loves me some fried chicken' this line was just uttered in #TheHelpMovie #Seriously"

-- Melissa Harris-Perry, who's live-Tweeting as she screens The Help for an upcoming critique

Her take on the latest fling in Hollywood and pop culture's longtime love affair with "magical negro" and "white savior" storylines is both hysterical and unbelievably sad.

I just keep thinking about Chuck D, Ice Cube and Big Daddy Kane's reaction to Driving Miss Daisy in Public Enemy's Burn, Hollywood, Burn.

Update: Turns out the critique was for O'Donnell's show on MSNBC. This was her on-air appearance tonight:

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Picture of the Day


In case you needed something to confirm what you very likely already knew.

The article this graph is from, in today's Salon, I think tries a little too hard to cement the connection between the Tea Party and the traditionally obstructionist, anti-federalist conservatives in the oh-so-white South -- and by that I simply mean that the author doesn't really need to elaborate on iron-clad facts by engaging in semi-tenuous conjecture. Those iron-clad facts speak for themselves.

Regardless, whenever some tea bagging idiot shrieks about how he or she "wants our country back," don't bother trying to fool yourself into thinking you don't know who they're afraid is taking it away from them.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Quote of the Day


"Yeah that must be it. It’s Tennessee's fault. That’s what I was thinking too. Because when I picture Tracy Morgan, and think of a place where he would fit right in and feel right at home, it’s Nashville, Tennessee. Finally, he was with his own kind. I’m surprised he didn’t fall asleep right on the sidewalk he felt so comfortable."

-- Brendon at What Would Tyler Durden Do? on Wanda Sykes's comment tying Tracy Morgan's vicious anti-gay joke to the fact that he was performing in Tennessee when he made it

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Quote of the Day


"I don’t go around denouncing people."

-- Mississippi Governor Haley "Boss Hogg" Barbour on the request that he speak out against a push to create a state license plate honoring Confederate general, slave trader and KKK Grand Wizard Nathan Bedford Forrest

Last night on CNN, John King let a spokesperson for the NAACP and one from the Mississippi chapter of the Sons of the Confederacy go at each other; the result was entertaining, although not really all that surprising.

Unfortunately, what King didn't do was ask the question I always want to see put to one of these stars-and-bars-saluting clowns whenever he tries to defend the memory of the Civil War-era South, making the tired argument that the Confederacy is an "important part of our nation's heritage" and deserves to be paid tribute to. Just once I'd like to hear someone say, "Do you believe that the South was wrong -- that the Confederacy was on the wrong side of the Civil War?"

I guarantee the response would be the kind of tap-dance that'd put Stepin Fetchit to shame.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Quote of the Day


"Saying slavery was the cause of secession isn't politically correct; it's correct correct."

-- Larry Wilmore of The Daily Show, on South Carolina and the Sons of the Confederacy's upcoming celebration of the 150th Anniversary of the state's secession from the union, which predictably attempts to whitewash (no pun intended) the very reason the South chose to secede in the first place

Friday, March 12, 2010

Prom Queens of the Stone Age


When I bang out posts on news items late at night, I tend to be pretty cantankerous (as opposed to every other time of the day, when I'm all Care Bears and pixie dust). To wit, last night's quickie on the school district in Fulton, Mississippi and its decision to cancel this year's senior prom for everyone rather than allow a lesbian student to attend with her girlfriend. While I said essentially what I was feeling at the time and took a couple of well-deserved shots at the short-sighted stupidity of such draconian measures, I didn't really try to get into why the Itawamba School District is doing what it's doing.

The bottom line is that it's using a nuclear option to punish 18-year-old Constance McMillen -- to make an example of her.

School district staff-members were likely furious at having their delicate sensibilities -- to say nothing of decades of "tradition" -- challenged by some impudent gay kid. And once the ACLU got involved, ready to come in with its highfalutin city-liberal lawyers and tell the good simple folk how to live their lives -- well, better to just arm the self-destruct charges at that point and blow the whole ship rather than let the enemy take it. By doing this, the district not only cleared the way for a private function which could legally discriminate at will, a great short-term fix; it effectively put the blame for ruining prom for the whole class squarely on the shoulders of one 18-year-old girl, a long-term object lesson in the form of a warning to others down the road who might think about cavalierly thumbing their nose at the natural order of things as set forth in, one would assume, the Bible.

With prom season once again upon us, you can expect to see more stories like this popping up -- because they do every year. In fact, back in 2007, I wrote an extended piece on a school in Georgia that at the time was preparing to hold its first ever integrated prom; lest anyone think this was some kind of isolated incident, I actually wound up having to update the piece last year to include a new preface with all new examples of Jim Crow-era inequity finally giving way to the realities of the new millennium.


"The Dance That Time Forgot" (Originally Published, 4.26.07)

For a short time, a few years back, my wife and I lived in "The South." It's important to clarify right off the bat that the area of which I'm speaking, despite seeming to owe its designation solely to where it happens to sit on the map, is in fact not so much a location as it is a declaration. The southern portion of the United States as a whole bears little resemblance to "The South." I grew up in Miami, which is about as far south as you can go without leaving the country (although I'd argue that once you cross the border into Miami-Dade county, for all intents and purposes, you have left the country). Still, Miami in particular and a good portion of Florida in general only serve to prove my point; neither represents The South as a corporeal entity -- a way of life, as it were. Instead, Florida seems more like The South's basement, which would explain why The South apparently keeps so many of its deranged and retarded cousins stuffed down there; it's as if the bottom dropped out and all of the truly worthless adherents to the Southern modus vivendi just tumbled down into that elongated, penis-shaped pit, to be heard from only when the crew from Cops shows up.

For a guy who had lived his entire 32 years in the coastal triumvirate of Miami-New York-Los Angeles, and a girl who had grown up just outside Philadelphia, adjusting to life in The South proved to be an adventure -- one fraught with constant challenges and the occasional unfortunate pitfall. There was the positive: an excellent and affordable lifestyle, a daily pace which all-but-assured that we would remain healthy and comfortably ulcer-free for years to come, good friends, free time which allowed us the opportunity to explore, decent cultural events, some truly spectacular dining, etc.; the negative: a pace that made us feel as if we were stagnating in ultra-slow motion, the lack of a nearby large body of water, an odd feeling that we were looked upon as morally bankrupt Northeastern carpetbaggers by some of the more Stepford-esque elements, the constant and sometimes less-than-friendly reminders that as far as politics were concerned we were way behind enemy lines, the inability to get a decent pizza, the fact that it wasn't New York, etc.; and the, well, "Southern": the ubiquitous insistence on deriving pride from a 140-year-old war which it lost and was on the wrong side of in the first place, a law forbidding the sale of alcohol on Sundays, a law enforcing the placement of anti-evolution nonsense in public school science texts, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, NASCAR, Zell Miller, etc.

As somewhat of an unrepentant prick, it's entirely likely that I infuriated quite a few of the people my wife and I encountered during our stint in Dixie; this was due mostly to my propensity to argue ferociously with anyone who tried convincing me that my prejudice against certain elements of Southern culture was based on a long-since outdated model -- that things were different in the "New South."

A lot had apparently changed over the years and I just hadn't paid attention; it wasn't all Dukes of Hazzard under the Mason-Dixon line anymore.

While I'd never cast a wide net over such a large area and everyone contained within -- both my own mother and a very dear friend of mine hail from Kentucky, a state whose motto, as proclaimed on a t-shirt, is "Electricity in Almost Every Town" -- there are simply too many instances in which the stereotypically indigenous Southern mentality has raised its ugly, toothless head as of late for the evidence to be ignored: In some places, the New South is still very much the Old South.

Case in point: Last weekend, Turner County High School in Ashburn, Georgia held its first integrated prom. It's first integrated prom ever.

144 years since the Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves; 137 years since the passage of the 15th Amendment which ostensibly guaranteed voting rights, regardless of color; 53 years since Brown v. Board of Education ended the subtle tyranny of "separate but equal"; 50 years since the Civil Rights Act of 1957; 9 days since Don Imus was fired from his radio show for calling the Rutgers Womens' Basketball team "nappy-headed hos" -- and one Georgia high school is just now getting around to integrating its prom.

It would seem that Ashburn forgot to set the alarm clock and somehow slept through the last five decades.

Before I draw any comparisons to those fabled Pacific islands where, even today, there may be stranded 108-year-old Japanese soldiers who believe that WWII is still being fought, let me make something clear: I don't much care how Turner High School, or any other school for that matter, chooses to celebrate its prom (and that by the way is the mitigating factor school administrators cite when faced with having to defend the practice of a segregated prom -- that the students have long chosen to party separately). If the kids want something a certain way, it's not my place to say otherwise; I have far better things to do with my time than argue for the "liberation" of group which doesn't feel that it's being in any way oppressed in the first place. That said, I'm not sure that the situation that's existed in Ashburn has simply been a matter of inertia all these years -- that an object at rest has stayed at rest until the students suddenly got motivated and decided to give things a push. On the contrary, a quick glance at the reaction by some of the "towns-folk" -- and yes, I fully expect for that word to be taken with the spirit of derision in which it was offered -- to this past weekend's landmark event would seem to prove that Ashburn really is the land that time forgot, thus proving that time may be smarter than I thought.

According to Turner County School Superintendent Ray Jordan, it was indeed the students themselves who pushed to finally integrate the prom -- a bold step forward which Jordan says fills him with a sense of pride in the students. The fact that such an obvious undertaking -- given that it's now the beginning of the 21st century -- can be lauded with such fanfare tells you everything you need to know in this case: Either the student body of Turner High is comprised of borderline retards who deserve acclaim for the accomplishment of mundane round-peg-in-round-hole tasks, or, more likely, the act of integration was in fact a painful one that forced the kids to break a tradition many would rather have kept intact.

Evidence in favor of this latter possibility comes courtesy of one white Turner High student, anonymous of course, who said that despite wishing them no ill-will, her mother and mother's friends would rather she not associate with "coloreds."

This is probably a good time to once again remind you to take a look at your calendar.

Unfortunately, before you assume that the flag of progress planted by the brave kids of Turner High signals the end of the Ashburn Apartheid, it's important to note that the integrated prom was a supplement to, rather than a replacement for, a private whites-only party which took place two weeks earlier. When asked about that gathering, one Turner senior dismissed accusations that it was racist, instead calling it "tradition." In other words, the white kids get not one but two parties -- one privately funded -- and also get to use the time-honored and thoroughly horseshit excuse that, even if the original aim of the exclusive function was racist in every possible way, now it's simply done out of a sense of well, whatever -- and make no mistake, that's exactly what they're claiming.

It goes without saying that mixing-up the Turner High School prom, while still clutching to a separate event for white students, defeats the purpose of desegregation entirely. Likewise, the belief that to forgo the "traditional" white prom would be to abandon a proud heritage -- the unstated reality -- is symptomatic of an ideology that's haunted the South since Lee put pen to paper at Appomatox. It's the same faulty reasoning that's been at the core of the fight to keep the Confederate emblem on state flags across the South, despite its negative connotation to just about every living human being not writing to former Judge Roy Moore to enlist his help in securing the triumphant return of Hee-Haw to network television. Laying claim to a legacy automatically assumes that the legacy is worth perpetuating. Nobody celebrates the day they found out they had herpes (although the whole "Confederate Pride" thing is, admittedly, just as stubborn and arguably twice as nasty).

Segregation in any form isn't a legacy worth preserving or honoring.

The students of Turner High School have taken a bold step forward -- into the 1960s. And while it may wind up being the necessary first of many to come, they and others like them run the risk of walking in place as long as the New South holds on to the tired heritage of the Old South.

Because in the end, tradition is nothing more than a lack of imagination.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Prom Queens of the Stone Age


With prom season once again mercilessly upon us, it's time for the usual outcry of surprise and indignation over the fact that there are schools in this country which even to this day stage segregated proms.

At face value, it's admittedly shocking that this kind of thing continues to go on -- but for some reason this year's outrage from everyone not still living in the 1950s seems especially pointed. Maybe it's the knowledge that there's a black man in the White House. Maybe it's that the arm of the Republican party which gleefully pandered to the most ignorant among us has been driven from power and utterly put asunder as a cultural force. Maybe it's just that smart people have finally wised up, had enough, and are now willing to drag the lowest common denominator, kicking and screaming if necessary, into the new millennium. Whatever the reason, there's been a hell of a lot of press over the past couple of weeks aimed at those few Southern high schools that still willfully practice Jim Crow-era racism when it comes time to celebrate that most sacred of high school traditions.

A couple of years ago, I wrote an extended column about a high school in Georgia that was, for the very first time in its existence, holding an integrated prom. This morning, I'm resurrecting that piece.

"The Dance That Time Forgot" (Originally Published, 4.26.07)

For a short time, a few years back, my wife and I lived in "The South." It's important to clarify right off the bat that the area of which I'm speaking, despite seeming to owe its designation solely to where it happens to sit on the map, is in fact not so much a location as it is a declaration. The southern portion of the United States as a whole bears little resemblance to "The South." I grew up in Miami, which is about as far south as you can go without leaving the country (although I'd argue that once you cross the border into Miami-Dade county, for all intents and purposes, you have left the country). Still, Miami in particular and a good portion of Florida in general only serve to prove my point; neither represents The South as a corporeal entity -- a way of life, as it were. Instead, Florida seems more like The South's basement, which would explain why The South apparently keeps so many of its deranged and retarded cousins stuffed down there; it's as if the bottom dropped out and all of the truly worthless adherents to the Southern modus vivendi just tumbled down into that elongated, penis-shaped pit, to be heard from only when the crew from Cops shows up.

For a guy who had lived his entire 32 years in the coastal triumvirate of Miami-New York-Los Angeles, and a girl who had grown up just outside Philadelphia, adjusting to life in The South proved to be an adventure -- one fraught with constant challenges and the occasional unfortunate pitfall. There was the positive: an excellent and affordable lifestyle, a daily pace which all-but-assured that we would remain healthy and comfortably ulcer-free for years to come, good friends, free time which allowed us the opportunity to explore, decent cultural events, some truly spectacular dining, etc.; the negative: a pace that made us feel as if we were stagnating in ultra-slow motion, the lack of a nearby large body of water, an odd feeling that we were looked upon as morally bankrupt Northeastern carpetbaggers by some of the more Stepford-esque elements, the constant and sometimes less-than-friendly reminders that as far as politics were concerned we were way behind enemy lines, the inability to get a decent pizza, the fact that it wasn't New York, etc.; and the, well, "Southern": the ubiquitous insistence on deriving pride from a 140-year-old war which it lost and was on the wrong side of in the first place, a law forbidding the sale of alcohol on Sundays, a law enforcing the placement of anti-evolution nonsense in public school science texts, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, NASCAR, Zell Miller, etc.

As somewhat of an unrepentant prick, it's entirely likely that I infuriated quite a few of the people my wife and I encountered during our stint in Dixie; this was due mostly to my propensity to argue ferociously with anyone who tried convincing me that my prejudice against certain elements of Southern culture was based on a long-since outdated model -- that things were different in the "New South."

A lot had apparently changed over the years and I just hadn't paid attention; it wasn't all Dukes of Hazzard under the Mason-Dixon line anymore.

While I'd never cast a wide net over such a large area and everyone contained within -- both my own mother and a very dear friend of mine hail from Kentucky, a state whose motto, as proclaimed on a t-shirt, is "Electricity in Almost Every Town" -- there are simply too many instances in which the stereotypically indigenous Southern mentality has raised its ugly, toothless head as of late for the evidence to be ignored: In some places, the New South is still very much the Old South.

Case in point: Last weekend, Turner County High School in Ashburn, Georgia held its first integrated prom. It's first integrated prom ever.

144 years since the Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves; 137 years since the passage of the 15th Amendment which ostensibly guaranteed voting rights, regardless of color; 53 years since Brown v. Board of Education ended the subtle tyranny of "separate but equal"; 50 years since the Civil Rights Act of 1957; 9 days since Don Imus was fired from his radio show for calling the Rutgers Womens' Basketball team "nappy-headed hos" -- and one Georgia high school is just now getting around to integrating its prom.

It would seem that Ashburn forgot to set the alarm clock and somehow slept through the last five decades.

Before I draw any comparisons to those fabled Pacific islands where, even today, there may be stranded 108-year-old Japanese soldiers who believe that WWII is still being fought, let me make something clear: I don't much care how Turner High School, or any other school for that matter, chooses to celebrate its prom (and that by the way is the mitigating factor school administrators cite when faced with having to defend the practice of a segregated prom -- that the students have long chosen to party separately). If the kids want something a certain way, it's not my place to say otherwise; I have far better things to do with my time than argue for the "liberation" of group which doesn't feel that it's being in any way oppressed in the first place. That said, I'm not sure that the situation that's existed in Ashburn has simply been a matter of inertia all these years -- that an object at rest has stayed at rest until the students suddenly got motivated and decided to give things a push. On the contrary, a quick glance at the reaction by some of the "towns-folk" -- and yes, I fully expect for that word to be taken with the spirit of derision in which it was offered -- to this past weekend's landmark event would seem to prove that Ashburn really is the land that time forgot, thus proving that time may be smarter than I thought.

According to Turner County School Superintendent Ray Jordan, it was indeed the students themselves who pushed to finally integrate the prom -- a bold step forward which Jordan says fills him with a sense of pride in the students. The fact that such an obvious undertaking -- given that it's now the beginning of the 21st century -- can be lauded with such fanfare tells you everything you need to know in this case: Either the student body of Turner High is comprised of borderline retards who deserve acclaim for the accomplishment of mundane round-peg-in-round-hole tasks, or, more likely, the act of integration was in fact a painful one that forced the kids to break a tradition many would rather have kept intact.

Evidence in favor of this latter possibility comes courtesy of one white Turner High student, anonymous of course, who said that despite wishing them no ill-will, her mother and mother's friends would rather she not associate with "coloreds."

This is probably a good time to once again remind you to take a look at your calendar.

Unfortunately, before you assume that the flag of progress planted by the brave kids of Turner High signals the end of the Ashburn Apartheid, it's important to note that the integrated prom was a supplement to, rather than a replacement for, a private whites-only party which took place two weeks earlier. When asked about that gathering, one Turner senior dismissed accusations that it was racist, instead calling it "tradition." In other words, the white kids get not one but two parties -- one privately funded -- and also get to use the time-honored and thoroughly horseshit excuse that, even if the original aim of the exclusive function was racist in every possible way, now it's simply done out of a sense of well, whatever -- and make no mistake, that's exactly what they're claiming.

It goes without saying that mixing-up the Turner High School prom, while still clutching to a separate event for white students, defeats the purpose of desegregation entirely. Likewise, the belief that to forgo the "traditional" white prom would be to abandon a proud heritage -- the unstated reality -- is symptomatic of an ideology that's haunted the South since Lee put pen to paper at Appomatox. It's the same faulty reasoning that's been at the core of the fight to keep the Confederate emblem on state flags across the South, despite its negative connotation to just about every living human being not writing to former Judge Roy Moore to enlist his help in securing the triumphant return of Hee-Haw to network television. Laying claim to a legacy automatically assumes that the legacy is worth perpetuating. Nobody celebrates the day they found out they had herpes (although the whole "Confederate Pride" thing is, admittedly, just as stubborn and arguably twice as nasty).

Segregation in any form isn't a legacy worth preserving or honoring.

The students of Turner High School have taken a bold step forward -- into the 1960s. And while it may wind up being the necessary first of many to come, them and others like them run the risk of walking in place as long as the New South holds on to the tired heritage of the Old South.

Because in the end, tradition is nothing more than a lack of imagination.