Porn Again

This is truly one of the most brilliantly surreal things you will ever see.

Quote of the Day

"What he's telling the GOP field is this: If you tell people what we honestly believe, an electoral majority of those people will freak the fuck out. He's saying that the first rule of Right Club is, you don't talk about Right Club."

-- Jon Stewart, deciphering the meaning behind Pat Robertson's warning that the Republican presidential candidates need to tone down their extremist rhetoric

Quote of the Day

"Those people in the Republican primary have got to lay off of this stuff. If they want to lose, this is the game for losers."

-- Televangelist Pat Robertson, warning the GOP presidential candidates about taking extremist positions like an embrace of birtherism

Wow.

When the guy who claims that gays and abortion doctors were to blame for 9/11, and Katrina and the Haiti earthquake were acts of divine vengeance says you're being too extreme -- you're officially six rungs up from crazy.

It's Pat!

The funniest thing you'll read all day:

The Onion: God's Wrath According to Pat Robertson/1.20.10

Sunday Sacrilege 2: Lucifun

The following was a letter written to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis in response to daffy bastard Pat Robertson's claim that Haiti had been plunged into misery because the Haitian people once made a pact with Satan:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan"

Satan, FTW.

(h/t Alert Reader Kevin)