Quote of the Day

"We are not sure of Skittles' thought process behind their new ad, but if they are attempting to offend customers, they have succeeded. Skittles' newest 'Walrus' commercial includes a teen girl making out with a walrus. The two are on a sofa in an apartment kissing on the mouth when her shocked roommate walks in on them. Parents find this type of advertising inappropriate and unnecessary. Does Skittles' have our children's best interest in mind? Skittles candies are for all ages, but their target market is children. Skittles Marketing Team may have thought this was humorous, but not only is it disgusting, it is taking lightly the act of bestiality. Let Skittles know their new ad is irresponsible."

-- The official statement from "One Million Mom" entitled "Disgusting Skittles Ad" demanding that Wrigley pull the supposedly offensive Skittles commercial which features a woman pretending to date a walrus

It's taking lightly the act of bestiality. The rampant problem of bestiality among America's youth. This is what One Million Moms, in all their perpetually uptight and unfucked glory, are worried about.

We are truly beyond parody.

Goo goo ga joob.

Big Damn Heroes, Sir

You wouldn't think of J.C. Penney as being on the cutting edge of anything, but damn is the store proving itself to be the new standard-bearer of civil rights, forward-thinking politics and the best way to deal with the self-righteous assholes who stand opposed to both.

You might remember that recently, one of those "traditional" family organizations composed entirely of bitter, white Christian tight-asses -- this one in particular, "One Million Moms" -- went after Penney's for its use of Ellen Degeneres as a spokesperson and its decision to feature a lesbian couple in a Mother's Day ad. The group bitched and moaned, prattled on about how the company was promoting the homosexual agenda -- you know, the usual crap. So how did Penney's respond? Not by backing down and submitting to the will of these ignorant harpies, but instead by sticking with Degeneres and not pulling the ad from anywhere.

Well now J.C. Penney has upped the ante and what's more has done so simply by acknowledging that the dynamic of the American family is in fact changing -- and that there's not a thing wrong with that. The company's new Father's Day ad features, you guessed it, a real-life gay couple and their kids. It's sad to think that simply showing a happy, well-adjusted family with a couple of gay men as the father figures is a big subversive fuck-you to anyone, but on the other hand it's fun to think it's a big subversive fuck-you to One Million Moms and the rest of its ilk.

Behold the statement put out by OMM in response to the new Penney's ad:

"It’s obvious that JCP would rather take sides than remain neutral in the culture war. JCP will hear from the other side, so they need to hear from us as well. Our persistence will pay off! One day we will answer for our actions or lack of them. We must remain diligent and stand up for Biblical values and truth. Scripture says multiple times that homosexuality is wrong, and God will not tolerate this sinful nature."

Uh-huh. Suck it, ladies.

As for me, I'm gonna start wearing the Stafford khakis my own mom buys me every damn Christmas with pride. Thanks Penney's -- and thanks mom.

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"Hey, One Million Moms. Guess what. The whole god damn world doesn’t revolve around you and your stupid kid. Ben and Jerrys can make an ice cream with fish hooks and ecstasy tabs in it for all I care. Your kid, your problem. Leave the rest of us alone. And I bet that for every letter you write demanding this be stopped your husbands will write 2 demanding more if that's what it takes to keep your fat asses away from ice cream."

-- Brendon at What Would Tyler Durden Do, on the "One Million Moms" protest against Ben & Jerry's "Schweddy Balls" ice cream

It's important to remember that the humorless harridans collectively known as One Million Moms make up an offshoot of the ultra-conservative American Family Association, so their daffy indignation here should surprise no one.

You know something, though? Considering the kind of country One Million Moms are constantly insisting we need to return to, how are they finding time for activism?

Shouldn't you ladies be, you know, in the kitchen or something? Your husband's not going to be happy if he gets home and finds that supper isn't on the table. And you know what happens to you then.