There's Always Room for One More

I was once fired by CNN for blogging. Just keep that in mind as you read this.

Gawker: Extorting David Letterman Not Enough To Keep Guy Out of a TV Job/12.29.11

The only way this story is surprising to you is if you've never worked in TV news and understand nothing about what a cesspool of drunken, drug-addicted, mentally unstable amorality it is. It's the Island of Fucked-Up Toys.

So, to recap: Joe Halderman, who went to prison for trying to blackmail one of the most famous people in television, has a TV job again (ID Discovery). Larry Mendte, who confessed to having an affair with his co-anchor then pleaded guilty to federal charges of rifling through her e-mail, has a TV job again (WPIX in New York City). Alycia Lane, that co-anchor, who was once arrested for allegedly slugging an NYPD cop, still has a TV job (KNBC in Los Angeles). Richard Quest, who was arrested in Central Park with a dildo in his shoe, rope tied around his balls and meth in his pocket, never lost his job and is still employed by CNN.

I blogged. And I guarantee you I'm still radioactive and will be for the foreseeable future.

God, I love that fucking insane business.

Quote of the Week (Honorable Mention)

"She is one of the premier anchor talents in America. She had lots of opportunities on both coasts, but NBC and Los Angeles is where she wants to be."

-- Gregg Willinger, agent for bikini-photo-e-mailing, alleged cop-punching, foul-mouthed, scandal-magnetic former Philadelphia news babe Alycia Lane, who just signed on to anchor at KNBC in L.A. (of course)

(If you've got a spare few minutes, do yourself a favor and click the Alycia Lane tag below and read not only the whole sorry history of Lane's downfall in Philly, but some of the honest-to-God most amusingly venomous invective that's ever been printed on this site.)

Hack Journalism: The Reckoning

Normally, if I told you that a highly-paid local news anchor in a top-20 market had just been charged with a felony by federal prosecutors, who accuse him of illegally accessing the protected personal computer of a co-worker, it might shock you.

When I tell you that the anchor is Larry Mendte, and that his co-worker is Alycia Lane -- it's just Tuesday.

(CNN.com: Fired TV Anchor Charged with E-mail Snooping/7.21.08)

Goodbye Larry

Well, here's a shock.

Ferret-like Philadelphia news anchor Larry Mendte, one half of the long-running comedy team of Mendte and Lane, was canned Monday from his main anchor job at KYW, CBS 3. The move comes as the other half of the team -- cop-punching, bikini-pic mailing, foul-mouthed, hot-but-stupid ex-anchor Alycia Lane -- files a lawsuit against KYW and its CBS overlords, charging them with invading her privacy and trashing her, uh, good name. Mendte garners a hefty portion of Lane's substantial wrath; she claims he went through her private e-mails and leaked what he found to gossip columnists -- an accusation which brought the feds down hard on Mendte, as rifling through someone else's computer is a federal offense. Reportedly, keystroke-logging software was discovered on one of the CBS 3 computers, though whether the hard drive in question was Lane's or the software was put there by Mendte is unknown.


Mendte's sacking means that CBS 3 has fired its entire main anchor team over a period of six months.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the people bringing you your local news.

(The Philadelphia Inquirer: CBS 3 Fires Mendte/8.24.08)

(Philly.com: Alycia Tells Her Side/6.20.08)

Hack Journalism

"CBS 3 Philadelphia: We Are the News!"

-- New Slogan Idea for KYW's Consideration

Dave Barry used to call it "The DeSillers Effect."

Back in 1987, a young Miami boy named Ronnie DeSillers died while awaiting a liver transplant that would likely have saved his life. The case garnered national attention, particularly when Ronnie's middle-class mother, Maria DeSillers, set up a fund to help pay for her son's medical bills during his time in the hospital. Her pleas for financial help reached all corners of the country -- even then-President Ronald Reagan donated -- and eventually more than a half-million dollars accumulated in the account. Upon Ronnie's untimely death, Maria DeSillers created a foundation in his name to help other children facing the same desperate medical battle her son had been forced to endure; the donations were ostensibly to be the backbone of the foundation.

For months, as Ronnie DeSillers fought for his life, local and national news organizations followed every breaking detail. For many people, the boy had become like part of the family.

When Ronnie died and his mother vowed to fight on in his name, most figured that was the end of the story.

The whole thing remained largely forgotten, until about a year later -- when Maria DeSillers was pulled over in Miami driving a brand new BMW.

Turns out, she'd spent almost half of the donations sent to her family -- about 250 grand, for those keeping score -- on the car, a metric ton of new jewelry and, of course, a luxury condo.

So Dave Barry created a term for the inevitability that every big story, no matter how complex or bizarre, will have one final, unbelievable twist -- and that it'll happen long after everyone has put the initial item out of their minds.

"The DeSillers Effect."

Here's the thing though: It was only suppose to apply to stories coming out of Miami, given that the city is, without question, the most batshit lunatic place on earth.


As it turns out though, the DeSillers Effect is apparently viral, because a former Miami news reporter and anchor has dragged it with her to her new home in Philadelphia. Of course I'm talking about Alycia Lane, everyone's favorite bikini-clad, dirty picture-sending, foul-mouthed, cop-slugging, news sex-kitten. She's back in the headlines again, in a manner of speaking. Her co-anchor at KYW in Philly, Larry Mendte, is now under federal investigation for allegedly hacking into Lane's private e-mail account and leaking what he found to gossip columnists. The feds raided Mendte's home a few days ago, confiscating his personal computer, and he remains off-air until the dust settles one way or the other.

You'll remember that back in January Alycia Lane was fired from her plum, $700,000-a-year anchor job at KYW after a series of very public, very embarrassing incidents -- these included sending pictures of herself in a bikini to former ESPNer Rich Eisen (they were intercepted by his wife), crying on national television while discussing her divorce with Dr. Phil, and getting arrested for reportedly calling a female NYPD cop a "fucking dyke" just before hitting her. Little Miss Sunshine has been uncharacteristically quiet since being shown the door, but has supposedly always felt like someone on the inside handed her up. Federal officials claim that Lane's suspicions are what led them to take the case -- which sounds infinitely more respectable than admitting that Lane offered to send them half-naked pictures of herself in return for investigating the matter.

If Mendte really does turn out to be the mole -- which would sort of befit his ferret-like appearance -- it could benefit Lane's claim of wrongful termination against KYW and its media masters at CBS. It shouldn't -- not even a little bit -- but it could. She's slyly insinuating that her co-anchor was the Phantom Menace, secretly selling her out to The New York Post's "Page Six" as far back as 2003, when the paper somehow got ahold of the scathing e-mail Eisen's wife sent Lane in response to the ill-advised bikini pics meant for her husband's eyes only. Lane claims Mendte was jealous of the stratospheric career track she was on and the hefty paycheck it afforded her -- as well as, one would imagine, her powerful right hook -- which led him to sabotage her. If proven true though, Mendte's got bigger problems than just incurring the wrath of CBS, which might have to pay up as a direct result of his skulduggery: rifling through someone's e-mail without permission is a felony and could land him in prison.

It'd be easy to say that Alycia Lane -- the subject of so much public ridicule for so long -- could wind up having the last laugh in this whole long, drawn-out and thoroughly embarrassing episode.

But I think that's actually reserved for Dave Barry.

He's probably laughing his ass off about this.

Related:

(Low Is Lane/1.8.08)

Unfortunately, Most Guys Have Already Seen Her Finishing Move

I really thought an offer from Playboy would be as weird, stupid and shameful as it gets.

I was wrong.

(The Huffington Post: Alycia Lane Offered Job at WWE)

And now, for absolutely no good reason -- The Rock.

Appetite for Self-Destruction

Earlier this month, I posted a damn scathing little diatribe against former Philly news anchor and gossip page darling Alycia Lane. (Low Is Lane/1.08.08)

The latest issue of Philadelphia magazine features a pretty decent article profiling Lane's history and detailing what went on behind the scenes at KYW in the lead-up to her being fired for, among other things, allegedly punching a New York City cop.

One point brought up in the article, however, is worth elaborating on. During Lane's short-lived tenure at WTVJ in Miami, she was apparently taken under the wing of the station's former general manager, Don Browne. The author of the piece spoke with Browne about Lane and found that he generally has little to say about her that isn't complimentary: He calls her smart, a professional, a believer in the "old school" model of journalism.

While this seems to cast Lane in a much more positive light than she's been in lately -- the kind assessment wholly antithetical to what the public's been led to believe about a woman who sent bikini-clad pictures of herself to a married man and called a New York cop a "fucking dyke" -- there are a couple of facts about Browne's own personality which should probably be taken into account.

Don Browne hired me at WTVJ just a little over ten years ago; he had been pursuing me as a hire for a few years leading up to that. Not only do I respect and admire him -- he's been a die-hard Kool-aid drinking and dispensing prophet of the NBC canon for as long as anyone can remember -- I actually like him quite a bit; he's extraordinarily personable, if not more than a little intimidating. The bottom line is, he's by no means a stupid man or a bad manager.

Unfortunately, one of the issues that skeptics and cynics within the WTVJ newsroom felt obligated to point out during my time there was the "starfucking" environment Don Browne happily fostered. Arguably a solipsistic endeavor, he enjoyed surrounding himself with young, attractive on-air people whom he could slap with some "future of television news" tag and subsequently mentor, while they would in turn stand awestruck in the presence of the great and powerful Don until the whole thing turned into one big daily circle jerk of adoration and encomia.

Don hired a lot of outstanding on-air talent; he considered it his forté. But no one during my years at WTVJ -- the most rewarding and satisfying work experience of my career by the way -- questioned the fact that a pretty face and a couple of carefully placed buzzwords could win him over in a flash.

In other words, Don was never above being charmed.

And as you'll read, if there's one thing Alycia Lane has done well, it's draw from a very deep reservoir of charm when necessary.

Just something to keep in mind.

(Phildelphia: The Very Public Self-Destruction of Alycia Lane)

Low is Lane

A couple of weeks back, I mentioned the self-inflicted wounds threatening to kill the career of hot-but-worthless Philly news anchor Alycia Lane; I'm speaking of her affinity for punching cops, getting arrested, sending half-naked pictures of herself to married men, and just generally turning up in the gossip pages every few days for doing one incredibly fucking stupid thing or another.

Well, as anyone with slightly more common-sense than Alycia -- apparently, anyone at all -- could see coming, she's been canned from KYW; they officially let her go yesterday, the day she was supposed to make her triumphant return to the air. (She'd been on suspension since her arrest last month for allegedly hitting a female New York City cop after calling her a "fucking dyke.")

That little escapade cost her a reported $700,000 a year -- her KYW main-anchor salary.

You know something folks, I usually reserve the truly bitter invective for, ahem, my "Evil Twin, Garth" -- but I think I'll take this one.

The little ones might want to cover their eyes and ears.

You fucking stupid bitch.

My God -- if I were raking in 700-grand a year to sit in front of a goddamned camera for an hour a day and basically look pretty while reading the words put in the teleprompter by an $18,000-a-year writer, I'd tread very fucking lightly.

What I wouldn't do is behave like a spoiled, amoral crack-whore. I wouldn't publicly fuck up two marriages, then e-mail pictures of myself in a bikini to Rich Eisen -- allowing his wife to bust me like a piñata and shame the living shit out of me. I'd keep my fucking head down and do my job -- the one my community supposedly trusts me to do -- and that means avoiding binge drinking with radio host and occasional VH-1 talking monkey Chris Booker which leads me to get into a fight with a fucking New York cop.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

I've made a shitload of mistakes in my life and in my career, but I never -- never -- put myself in a position where I could go from 700-grand to zero overnight.

Still, I doubt that we've heard the last of you. You'll probably move to Hollywood and get a gig on a syndicated gossip show or some crap like that. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the offer to pose for Playboy has already hit your agent's in-box. Or if all else fails, I guaran-damn-tee that WSVN in Miami will happily take you back, now that you've got the kind of salacious and shameless street cred South Florida lives for.

Dumbass.

Hope to see you on the pole.

Oh yeah, and to the news managers at KYW -- suck it.

You got what you deserved.

You hired a fucking mannequin who served no purpose other than to be something hot to look at. I don't care what kind of bullshit somersaults of rationale you did to convince yourselves that there was something going on behind those vacant eyes and that kick-ass body -- something that warranted a vaunted position bringing people the news in a top-ten market -- deep down, you knew the truth. For that, you deserve to have the shit beaten out of you by the ghost of Edward R. Murrow.

And if you didn't know it -- if you were too fucking dumb to see it -- then you don't deserve to be running a news department in the first place.

Fuck you, just fuck you.

I Rest My Case

Just a little over 12 hours after posting my self-indulgent list of a few of the women in the news business who are blessed with both beauty and brains -- the overall credits to the industry as it were -- the gods of irony drop this little nugget into my lap.

Alycia Lane is a former reporter and anchor for my old station in Miami, WSVN. She always fell neatly into the ever-expanding "Hot-but-Worthless" category -- but since moving on to Philadelphia, she's really gone off the fucking rails.

Nice to see that she's continuing the proud tradition of lunatic amorality that I've come to expect from South Florida news alumni.

(AU: Bikini-scandal Newsreader Punches Cop/12.17.07)

Good going there Tyson.