Blind Allegiance

Where's Glenn Beck on this?

There's now a statue of a famous communist on display in the U.S. Capitol!

Yesterday, lawmakers unveiled -- with great, reverent fanfare -- a bronze statue of trailblazing handicapped icon Helen Keller. As you no doubt were taught since kindergarten, Keller lost both her sight and hearing when she was just 19-months-old but still learned to communicate and persevered to become an inspiration to millions for more than a century. Eventually, Patty Duke played her in 1962's The Miracle Worker.

That's the part you know. But is there another side to Helen Keller -- or should I say "COMRADE KELLER?" (Cue thunder and lightning)

Later in life, long after she stopped being the adorable little blind-deaf rugrat we were all taught to worship -- the one whose image, literally frozen in time, now adorns the Capitol -- Helen Keller became a devout Marxist. She wrote letters in support of striking workers and made outlandish remarks about how the blind and deaf could never be truly free until all their brothers and sisters were granted the right to earn a living wage.

Keller was such a subversive troublemaker that there exists to this day an extensive FBI dossier on her -- originally kept by none other than Great American Hero J. Edgar Hoover.

Now, before you make the natural assumption that, well, of course a communist tribute now stands in the halls of this Congress -- what with all the liberal progressives in charge (as well as a SOCIALIST-FASCIST in the White House), let's hear from one of the first people to speak at yesterday's unveiling ceremony: Senate MINORITY Leader Mitch McConnell -- the REPUBLICAN from Kentucky!

"Some are still dismissed and cast aside for nothing more than being less than perfect. The story of Helen Keller inspires us all."

MY GOD! THE COMMIES GOT MITCH! (Cue thunder and lightning again)

So American Teabaggers, Birthers, Deathers, Not-Dead-Yet Grannies, Illiterates, Larry the Cable Guy fans, fundamentalist Christians, right-wing talk radio hosts, Michele Bachmann, BECKIES -- the time is now to stand up and accept that THE ENTIRE U.S. GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN CORRUPTED BY COMMUNIST INDOCTRINATION AND INFILTRATION OF OUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS!

The time has come for all honest, God-fearing Americans who understand the impact of this threat on our way of life to LEAVE THE COUNTRY IMMEDIATELY IN THE HOPE OF FINDING A LAND TO CHRISTEN "JESUS'S NEW AMERICA (NO COMMIES ALLOWED!)"

Because, folks, Helen Keller couldn't read -- but she sure was RED!