Quote of the Week (Honorable Mention)

"I'd hit that! And I'm in an opposite marriage."

-- Ashleigh Banfield on Carrie Prejean (no pun intended)

Quote of the Week (Honorable Mention)

"The liberal onslaught of malicious attacks against Carrie Prejean for expressing her opinion is despicable."

-- Sarah Palin, finally bringing the entire Miss California saga full Möbius loop, thereby opening a black hole in space-time which may allow for the possibility that Carrie Prejean is, in fact, a younger version of Palin herself

Meet the Foxer

Of course.

US News and World Report: Carrie Prejean to Host Fox & Friends/5.14.09

Going Back to Cali

I realize the whole Miss California thing has been done to death by this point, so believe it or not it actually kind of pains me to bring it back at least one more time around here.

But last night's Keith Olbermann takedown of the entire controversy -- and the opportunistic dingbat at the center of it -- is worth watching not so much for Olbermann's usual caustic wit as for one particular shot. One that I'm sure has been shown before, but which I at least failed to catch. At about 1:28 into this clip, look for the scene from the actual Miss USA pageant -- when Carrie Prejean, Miss California, walks across the stage. In the audience is an entire row of screaming, cheering dead-ringers for Prejean herself (you have to figure they're Miss California runners-up or something), each girl holding a card with one letter over her head with the intention, I'd imagine, of spelling out the word "CALIFORNIA." Unfortunately, the cards are out of order. The result is likely how Prejean and her fellow contestants spelled their home state on their initial pageant applications.

By the way, ten bucks says one of these girls will be drafted to ghost write Palin's memoir.

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Dave Growl

You know that face that face Eddie Murphy makes toward the end of Beverly Hills Cop 2 when Taggart finally tells the chief to kiss his ass? You know -- that big, shocked smile? Well that's pretty much the face I made as I watched this.

Shuster, fuck yeah.

Related: The Huffington Post: "Pimp My Riot: In Defense of David Shuster" by Chez Pazienza/2.10.08

Jesus Built My Hot Bod

It's just too easy at this point.

TMZ: New Topless Photos of Miss California Uncovered/5.12.09

Update: This is the best thing you'll read all day.

Update 2: Via Gawker:

"Carrie Prejean, the Miss California who hates gay marriage and does porn, was pardoned today by Donald Trump. She'll keep her crown! But not before she gives a teary, terrible speech. A (Free!) speech about feelings and beliefs and freedoms and her grampa who fought in World War II and God's divine countenance and His divine winds that blew open her shirt during a photoshoot, exposing her breast."

Watch the hilarty for yourself here.

Quote of the Week (Early Contender)

"I felt as though Satan was trying to tempt me in asking me this question. And then God was in my head and in my heart saying, 'Do not compromise this. You need to stand up for me and you need to share with all these people... you need to witness to them and you need to show that you're not willing to compromise that for this title of Miss USA.'"

-- Miss California Carrie Prejean, apparently practicing for the "shameless, opportunistic pandering" portion of her next pageant during an interview with James Dobson of Focus on the Family this morning

I love it. She takes her top off, sticks her ass out, looks over her shoulder and smiles and she has the balls to talk about how it's Satan who's tempting.

Oh, and by the way, it's good that Dobson's focus is on some Christian ideal of family, because pretty much everyone else's is on Prejean's silicone-enhanced breasts and the fact that she's lying about when she showed them off on camera.

TMZ: Miss California Lied About Topless Pics, Shoot was Likely Just Months Ago/5.11.09

Not to worry, folks. She's not going to lose her crown -- not if Trump and his penis have anything to say about it.

Home-O-Phobia

This story is seriously the gift that keeps on giving.

TMZ: Is Miss California's Father Gay?/5.7.09

Californication

Christian?

Sort of.

Opportunist?

Definitely.

Hypocrite?

Obviously.

Surprising?

Not in the least.

MSNBC: Miss California: I'll Fight on Despite Release of Topless Photos, May Be Disqualified from Pageant/5.5.09

Pretty Persuasion

I'll make this quick -- mostly because I've tried my damndest to avoid talking about this subject at all but, astonishingly, it refuses to die the news cycle death it so richly deserves.

No, of course Carrie Prejean, AKA Miss California, shouldn't apologize for her remarks about gay marriage, as some are still insisting she do.

By now you know the story, so I'll do you the favor of not rehashing it. Suffice it to say, being painfully stupid isn't a crime; if it were, that shameless little turd Perez Hilton would this very moment be on the business end of a shower rape in a Supermax facility somewhere, rather than milking this "controversy" for all it's worth in an effort to extend his inexplicable 15 minutes of nano-riety. On the contrary, I actually think it's kind of refreshing that Prejean answered the inarguably loaded question about same-sex marriage honestly, rather than trying to duck it or, worse, cobbling together an innocuous response that was short on anything resembling an actual opinion. (Although, to be fair to anyone not dumber than a sack of gravel, as Prejean seems to be, I'm not sure she knew she was taking an actual position while she was doing it.)

Speaking of which, is anyone surprised that Prejean -- like Sarah Palin, and, I don't know, maybe Forrest Gump, before her -- has suddenly become an inadvertent icon of the religious right? She has all the makings of the next martyr for their cause: She's cute in a harmless sort of way, not very bright; she unquestioningly embraces mildly ignorant values and pisses off the elitist liberal element in the process, simply by nature of the status she's achieved through no real work or talent. Hell, I'd be shocked if someone hasn't already printed up "Palin-Prejean 2012" stickers, which will soon begin popping up on the bumper of every pick-up blasting Big & Rich from Orlando to Ojai.

The bottom line here is that Carrie Prejean's views on gay marriage may be less than cosmopolitan, but they're her views. The last time I checked, people didn't have to apologize for their opinions, and anyone who thinks otherwise in this case is guilty of the kind of draconian political correctness the left is often accused of trying to enforce. I wouldn't call Prejean's remarks "intolerant," but even if they were -- so what? Doesn't the entire concept of tolerance naturally imply a certain amount of magnanimity toward the intolerant?

Besides, would another one of those ridiculous, Burson-Marsteller-approved forced apologies -- which by their very nature aren't apologies at all -- really satisfy anyone screaming for Prejean's pretty little head?

And don't answer that like a beauty pageant contestant.