Say It Ain't So, Joe!

Wow.

This is like the San Diego Chicken dumping the Padres.

The Huffington Post: Time Magazine: Joe the Plumber Quitting the GOP/5.7.09

Man, when you've lost Joe the Plumber -- you know you're in trouble.

Quote of the Week

"I don't know if the American public deserve me."

-- Samuel Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber, commenting on whether he'll consider running for public office and inadvertently tossing out a double-entendre of epic proportions

Toilet Training

Man, I really hate to feel like I'm just phoning it in -- but I could not make this any more ridiculous or hilarious than it already is.

Seriously, please keep these people away from anything having to do with the U.S. economy.

The Washington Monthly: Joe the Plumber Asked to be Adviser to Conservative Republican Organization/2.3.09

Quote of the Week (And What a Hell of a Week It's Apparently Gonna Be)

"I don't think journalists should be anywhere allowed war [sic, I assume]. I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what's happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I think it's asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you'd go to the theater and you'd see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for them. Now everyone's got an opinion and wants to downer-and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers."

-- Joe the Plumber turned Joe the War Correspondent turned Joe the Goebbels, reporting live from Israel on how real journalists shouldn't be reporting live from Israel

Average Jews

I've been sitting here silently mulling over exactly what to say about this -- the look on my face probably resembling the blank stare that Beavis and Butthead used to share whenever they stumbled across a Milli Vanilli video (and right before changing the channel). But I swear, I just can't make this any funnier than it already is:

Joe the Plumber is going to be a war correspondent.

Pajamas Media -- a mini-conglomeration of conservative new media outlets that's probably not very familiar to you, with good reason -- is reportedly going to send Joe (real name, Samuel Wurzelbacher; real job, former McCain camp mascot and 2008's answer to Darva Conger) to Israel to cover the fighting in Gaza.

Joe says he's going there to let Isarel's "Average Joes share their story."

In addition to stating emphatically that I didn't make up that quote, it's probably important to mention that, as a friend of mine who happens to be Jewish said when she heard this: "First of all, it would be average Yosefs. Second, there are no Jews who consider themselves average anyway."

All I can say -- and I realize that this probably crosses some line -- is that if real journalist Daniel Pearl met the fate that he did and yet Joe the Plumber somehow manages to come back in one piece...

Flushed

One more day and this Red State action figure -- this fictional character -- gets consigned to state fairs, a Trivial Pursuit 2015 question, and a guest slot on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Enjoy your last few hours of cultural relevancy, Joe.

Your 15 minutes end tomorrow.

The Biggest Loser

Joey Buttafuoco.

John Bobbitt.

The Runaway Bride.

Darva Conger.

Joe the Plumber.

I swear to God -- the South Park guys couldn't have come up with something this good:

The Huffington Post: Joe the Plumber Eyes Book Deal, Hires Eddie Money and Grand Funk Railroad's Publicity Team/11.1.08

(By the way, how much does that picture just scream that it's only a matter of time before Joe's doing guest matches on WWE Raw growling "Lemme get a HELL YEAH!" at the top of his lungs?)

Showless Joe

I guess he had to snake a drain or something.

The L.A. Times: McCain Calls Out to Joe the Plumber at Rally, Finds He's Not There/9.30.08