I Give Up

It's rare that I'm left truly speechless. This, however, just about does it.

I feel stupider for having watched this. I'm one giant gringe. One huge douche-chill.

Jesus, the fucking white upper-middle-class condescension. The embarrassing display of just-not-getting-it. The not even slightly subtle dig at both hip-hop and hip-hop culture. I've watched so many examples of so-called "Republican outreach" fall flat on their face in the months since the GOP got the floor mopped with it back in November, but I'm not sure I've seen a better example of how, no matter how hard conservatives try, they're never going to be able to connect with anyone but the giant gated community of WASPS and the underbelly of unsophisticated yokels that are their base. Any attempt to be anything but what they truly are is just going to fail as spectacularly as Dana Perino rapping a response to Jay-Z's trip to Cuba.

Listening Post

You just have no idea how much I miss Native Tongues-era hip-hop.

Here's Black Sheep -- The Choice is Yours.

Happy Monday, hamsters. Back to the wheel with you.

Class Act

I stumbled across this one in the archives yesterday and thought I'd rerun it, being that it drew so many great responses the first time around. Plus, you know, it's Friday, so...


The Official Absurdly Excessive Hip-Hop Faux-Aristocracy Name Generator

Step 1: Take the name of a popular character from a 70s sitcom.

Step 2: Add an extra syllable commonly found in the names of soap opera family patriarchs and Hamptons yachting instructors.

Step 3: Combine both with a brand of high-end luxury vehicle.

Bonus: Try to make the whole thing sound like a malapropism that's the result of a mistranslation between diametrically opposing cultures.

Example: Fonzworth Bentley (rapper, stylist, and Clown Collegiate host of VH-1's new reality series, From G's to Gents)

Other Possibilities: Squiggington Benz, Cunningham Aston, Dr. Johnny Feverthorn Hummer III