Tweets of the Day

In case you haven't seen it yet, yesterday Donald Trump offered a hearty congratulations via Twitter to Deadspin for breaking the Manti T'eo story. Deadspin responded with one for the ages.

Well, if you thought that Donald Trump would simply do himself a favor, take his licks and retreat back to whatever garishly decorated office penthouse he spends his days sitting around in doing nothing, you seriously don't know Donald Trump.

Behold, his change of heart toward Deadspin, which pretty much defines the term "butt-hurt."

Tweets of the Day

Bound by Flaw

Today's column for the Daily Banter takes a look at the ongoing unholy alliance between NBC and Donald Trump.

Here's the opening shot:

"The quote of the day comes to us from NBC chief Bob Greenblatt, who said at this past weekend’s Television Critics Association conference: 'We talked him out of running for president. Wasn’t that good enough?'

The “he” Greenblatt is talking about is Donald Trump — pompous buffoon, national punchline and incessant self-promoting fabulist — and the quote comes from a question Greenblatt fielded about whether he and NBC had ever asked Trump to tone down his powerfully stupid political bluster and if the ongoing embarrassment Trump is causing himself might put his job with the network at risk. Greenblatt goes on to say, however, that 'if he becomes somehow hurtful and says or does things that cross a line, we would figure out what to do with that.' This leaves you wondering, considering all the vitriolic nonsense and relentless attempts to bully the President of the United States that Trump has been responsible for and has actually reveled in over the past couple of years, exactly what would cross the line in Greenblatt’s eyes. I’m guessing he’d have to gut a peacock and personally call Greenblatt a wicked Jew who controls the media on a live finale episode of Celebrity Apprentice to finally get kicked off the air."

Read the Rest Here

The Big Empty

Do I really even need to say, "I rest my case?"

Salon: Trump's October Surprise Is Nothing/10.24.12

This is where I turn my pillow over to the cool side and go back to sleep.

Assistant Quote of the Day

"I was hoping the first universally loathed NBC personality to publicly call me out would be the monkey from 'Animal Practice,' but I'll settle for Trump."

-- Salon's Alex Pareene, who's the latest media figure to earn a rebuke from national punchline and perpetually thin-skinned buffoon Donald Trump

Pareene called Trump, rightly, "an oft-bankrupt make-believe mogul clown" and of course got the standard brand of Trump push-back, namely a snotty tweet that reads like it's written by a petulant child -- which it is.


In case you haven't been following along -- and I can't in good conscience suggest that you give a shit about anything Donald Trump has to say or really any item involving Donald Trump, even this one -- Trump has proven himself to be a reliable machine-gun of angry e-mails, tweets and disparaging public comments aimed at the myriad intelligent people who've laughed in his face over the past few years. He can't help himself. The fun thing about Pareene is that he's vicious and clever enough to turn a fight with Trump into damn entertaining copy. Grab some popcorn, kids.

Quote of the Day

"He’s a sage, skillful and respected leader (who's doing) all he can to take our country back. At the end of the day, he’s one of the few people in the country who can command respect from people of all walks of life."

-- Sarasota, Florida GOP Chairman Joe Gruters on Donald Trump, whom the Sarasota GOP is giving its "Statesman of the Year" award

I'm not even sure where to begin -- whether to insult the statement, Gruters, Florida, the modern Republican party or Donald Trump first.

You know, now that I think about it, I got nothin'.

This one's offered without comment.

Re-Birtherism (Complete)

The Full Text of My Latest Piece for the Daily Banter

An ongoing meme on the podcast that Bob Cesca and I do involves a debate over how much good actually comes from constantly bitching online. It typically goes something like this: Bob plays the admittedly heroic role of the passionate crusader, a guy who fights injustice armed only with a keyboard and a microphone and who points out the insanity of modern politics with the goal of changing things for the better; I make a couple of shitty cracks, throw up my hands at the futility of it all, then go get drunk. All things considered it works out pretty well for us. He's like a righteous Felix Unger, cleaning things up as best he can, and I'm Oscar Madison, not giving a crap -- or at the very least Jack Klugman on the deck of the sailboat in the opening credits of Quincy, examining the chick in the bikini with a champagne glass in my hand.

I generally think Bob's doing God's work and I'm just being a slacker, but every once in a while I can say without fear of contradiction that, dammit, I'm right: Things are so thoroughly fucked-up that it's incomprehensible that any sort of raging against the dying of the light will make one bit of difference. Case in point: birtherism -- the conspiracy that simply will not die.

Chances are if you don't have a little card in your wallet that needs only one more punch to earn you a free night at Bellevue you thought the whole birther thing was put to rest years ago -- or at the very least, if you're particularly obstinate, last year when President Obama publicly smacked down reality TV asshole Donald Trump by producing his long-form birth certificate. Turns out you're wrong; like Jason Voorhees, who can't be stopped no matter how many times you stab, torch, shoot or blow him up, the thoroughly debunked belief that Barack Obama wasn't born in the U.S. and therefore isn't constitutionally eligible to be president just keeps coming back for more.

Within just the past week or so, the secretary of state for Arizona -- a place that I'm convinced is some kind of experimental test bed used by aliens to measure human stupidity -- has threatened to keep Obama off the ballot in November pending an investigation into the authenticity of his birth certificate. Running concurrently with this mind-boggling idiocy is the ongoing investigation into Obama's true upbringing launched by real-life cartoon character Joe Arpaio, whose "threat unit" has now been dispatched to Hawaii to flash their badges as if they hold any fucking authority whatsoever and demand answers in what Arpaio and doddering buffoon Jerome Corsi are sure is the biggest conspiracy in U.S. history. And lest you think that only the ass-backward yokels of Arizona are perpetuating this long-since-decided nonsense, a copy of the platform being proposed by Republicans in Iowa shows that they'll officially demand that any candidate for President of the United States prove his or her natural born citizenship when they meet in mid-June. These aren't far-flung fringe lunatics we're talking about here; these are members of the ostensible GOP establishment -- and they're jumping feet-first into a pool clouded with the warm piss of conspiracist wack-jobs.

The nature of a conspiracy is that it's a self-reinforcing delusion: The less it appears to be real, the harder you look and don't find the answers you're sure are there, the more it proves that there's treachery afoot and that it involves the highest levels of power -- the only ones who could successfully engineer such an exhaustive cover-up. And you need look no further than talk radio clown Alex Jones -- whose latest YouTube video claims that his media contacts have warned him that the upcoming Ridley Scott film Prometheus will contain coded messages about the Illuminati -- to understand that there's profitability in ridiculous fear-mongering, whether it's making money, pandering to a specific audience or simply making yourself an icon among the very, very dumb. The result is always the same, though: A person who truly believes a conspiracy theory will not ever be convinced otherwise. It just won't happen.

Which brings me back to my original point: Why the fuck am I even writing this? I get the idea that it's important to point out to those not in the throes of a rage-and-resentment-fueled hallucination just how morally, ethically and mentally bankrupt the people are who've latched onto this horseshit and who refuse to let go; likewise, it makes sense a certain amount of sense to highlight whenever possible the fact that one political party in this country has aligned itself with this kind of farcical non-thinking. But at some point you just get tired of saying the same thing over and over again.

The first piece I ever wrote about birtherism was published in August of 2008. August of 2008. It's almost four years later -- and we're still talking about this crap. I have a semi-functional cerebral cortex, which means that I'm sick of it by now.

No, really, why the fuck am I still writing about this?

Quote of the Day

"I've just gotten word that in the next hour, Shakira and Big Bird will also be issuing endorsements, and we'll be having live, Team Fox coverage of that! Shakira, Big Bird and Donald Trump."

-- Shepard Smith, during his Fox News show this afternoon

Oh, please, please, please let Trump, thin-skinned pussy that he is, issue one of his famously condescending and dismissive responses to this so Shep can continue to wipe the floor with him.

Quote(s) of the Day

"The selection of a reality television personality to host a presidential debate that voters nationwide will be watching is beneath the office of the Presidency and flies in the face of that office’s history and dignity."

-- Ron Paul's official statement on his decision not to get anywhere near the upcoming Donald Trump-moderated Newsmax Republican presidential debate

"I don’t quite understand the marching to his office. I didn't realize he had the ability to lay on hands and anoint people."

-- Ron Paul on Donald Trump, yesterday on CNN

"Few people take Ron Paul seriously and many of his views and presentation make him a clown-like candidate. I am glad he and Jon Huntsman, who has inconsequential poll numbers or a chance of winning, will not be attending the debate and wasting the time of the viewers who are trying very hard to make a very important decision."

-- Donald Trump, responding to Paul's snub exactly the way you knew he would

Make no mistake: I don't care one bit about either of these people. While Paul is certainly the more intelligent of the two -- to say nothing of his not being a cheap grifter -- I wouldn't want to listen to him or Trump for any length of time at all. I'm also reluctant to even bother mentioning Trump's name again, since that's exactly what he's looking for: press, from anywhere he can get it. Still, it's fun to watch him refer to anyone as a "clown-like candidate." Joan Walsh was right: Even the GOP deserves better than this kind of two-bit con artistry. God knows the country does.

The Wrath Over Con

Much to his credit, I waited all day for this yesterday: Lawrence O'Donnell's victory lap-slash-final evisceration of Donald Trump. And in the end it was everything I'd hoped. Once again to his immense credit, O'Donnell was fearless when it came to his pounding of both Trump and his own network, NBC -- which he saw as protecting its "investment" at the expense of all other considerations, not the least of which was its increasingly not-very-good name, to say nothing of a modicum of professional ethics or morality. But to see the entire history of the cynical Trump canard laid bare from beginning to end -- to watch pretend-serious buffoons like Mark Halperin and "Gospel of Wealth" sycophantic suck-butts like David Brooks slavishly circle jerk over Trump's gargantuan ego -- it's really staggering stuff. Staggering when you realize just how instrumental many in the media were in the perpetuation of this con and in the elevation of the man behind it.

And then there's NBC. Jesus Christ -- NBC.

Here's the quote from yesterday's upfront for next season that should damn NBC for all time. It should, but it won't.

"And now you're probably wondering about our favorite ratings hit, 'Celebrity Apprentice.' We will of course be bringing it back... As we saw this year, the crazier the celebrities, the higher the ratings."

That just about says it all.





Adding: After watching this again, here's the most salient point made by O'Donnell and the Quote of the Day:

"You live now in a world of unlimited news sources. As the 2012 presidential campaign gets ever slightly more serious by the day, you have to make choices about where to gather your information. From this point forward you would do well to ignore every word spoken or written by any political pundit who gave one day of credence to the possibility of a Trump for President campaign."

(Completely Unsurprising) Quote of the Day, Jr.

"There was no short-lived triumph undercut by Trump's mistakes. The whole premise is incorrect: Trump was never going to run for president. This was a con from the beginning, a play for attention by a huckster who lives on publicity. The cornerstone of this charlatan's PR strategy is pretending to be much richer than he is, and it's fanciful to think that he would ever submit to the financial disclosures associated with a presidential candidacy. His 'campaign,' a xenophobic mix of economic illiteracy and conspiracy theorizing, was an insulting parody of conservatism by a rent-seeking thug to whom the philosophical underpinnings of limited government are completely foreign. If we must give Donald Trump the attention he craves, it should be served with a heavy helping of the contempt he deserves."

-- John Tabin of the American Spectator

(Completely Unsurprising) Quote of the Day

"I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election."

-- Donald Trump's ego, still desperately flailing for attention and relevancy, upon its announcement that its host, reality TV star Donald Trump, won't be running for president

So, Trump's entirely phony flirtation with running for the White House, of course, ends exactly the way it started and as what it continued to be all along, despite the shameful level of hype surrounding it: that would be complete bullshit and nothing more.

The most patently offensive thing about this? That this despicably megalomanical asshole dragged not just Barack Obama, the first black President of the United States, but the very office of the presidency through the sewer just for the hell of it and that the American press let him get away with it because the sideshow made for great entertainment. Just think for a moment about how low this country's attention and discourse were brought during that brief period just before Obama basically stood up and bitch-slapped Trump, relegating him once again to the Phantom Zone of D-list nobodies and impotent carnival barkers.

It's worth mentioning, incidentally, that Trump made his completely predictable announcement at this morning's upfront for NBC's fall season -- a season which of course includes the return of Celebrity Apprentice. In other words, Lawrence O'Donnell was right: NBC's entertainment division knew all along that Trump was committed to the network for another year and therefore wouldn't be running for president. It knew this, and yet it not only allowed Trump to continue his charade, but the suits in Burbank willfully screwed over NBC News by withholding information on a story it was covering.

I swear, the lapdog American media had better never forget this. And the rest of us should never forgive Donald Trump.

And NBC? Go fuck yourself.

"I Don't Feel I Have To Wipe Everybody Out, Just My Enemies"

So let's recap the last few days for President Obama:

He released his long-form birth certificate, smacking down the birthers.

He casually mocked Donald Trump to his face at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, effectively smacking him down.

And now, he gives the order that kills the most wanted man in the world and the most hated man in America, Osama bin Laden, smacking down the rest of his political adversaries -- including the suddenly desperate talking bobble-heads at Fox News.

You know what this was for Obama?



(The above clip is set to a music bed, which is a real shame, but you get the point.)

Quote of the Day

"Trump is every trend in Republican politics over the past thirty-five years taken to its logical conclusion. He is the Republican id, finally entirely unleashed from all restraint and all reality."

-- Johann Hari, in a superb piece in the Independent

Despite the fusillade of jokes at Trump's expense released last night at the White House Correspondent's Dinner -- with Obama's insouciant mocking of him and Seth Meyers non-stop shots drawing icy stares from Trump himself -- the above quote for some reason really sums up the big-picture view of this douchebag's ascendancy.

Still, Trump's reaction to the beating he took last night is laughably ironic and worth circulating far and wide:

"I had no idea it would be to that extent, where you know, it was just joke after joke after joke. It was almost like, is there anyone else they could talk about? ... (The whole thing was) inappropriate in certain respects."

And his thoughts on Seth Meyers?

Wait for it...

"His delivery was not good. He’s a stutterer and he really was having a hard time."

Aw, did the little baby get his feelings hurt?

Cunt.

Quote of the Day

"I don’t fault any one host for throwing a party, or any journalist for attending... But the cumulative effect is icky. With the proliferation of A-list parties and the infusion of corporate and lobbyist cash, Washington journalists give Americans the impression we have shed our professional detachment and are aspiring to be like the celebrities and power players we cover."

-- The Washington Post's Dana Milbank on the annual White House Correspondent's Dinner being held this weekend

Donald Trump is just one of the celebrities who've been invited and who will be in attendance.

And that's just one of the problems with this now grotesque tradition.

It used to be known self-deprecatingly as "the nerd prom"; these days it's anything but.

Headline of the Week

The Onion: Trump Unable To Produce Certificate Proving He's Not A Festering Pile Of Shit/4.27.11

Quote of the Day

"They say you only roast the ones you love, so this is gonna be short... Donald I'm not even sure if you're aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas in the movie Wall Street is that no one's gonna be sad when you get cancer."

-- Anthony Jeselnik at the Comedy Central roast of Donald Trump last month

Yeah, it's not really the quote of this particular day, but how well does it sum up the way we're all feeling about this asshole these days?

(About the picture: I'm so damn tired of seeing Trump's ridiculous face everywhere I look that I substituted a photo of a meerkat. Because who doesn't love meerkats?)

Trump Card

Lawrence O'Donnell is, right now at this very moment, hammering the hell out of his own network, and it's honestly something to behold. For his willingness to speak truth to power at NBC, he deserves unrelenting applause.

His point: the NBC Entertainment division has not only created a monster, it has created and is perpetuating a conflict of interest with the NBC News division and by refusing to immediately reveal what Donald Trump's future commitments to the network are, it's complicit in one of the most shameful ongoing political attacks in recent history by someone who is nothing more than the most shameless of opportunists.

The only problem? O'Donnell is appealing to the professionalism and decency of the NBC suits -- and they generally tend to have neither.

As soon as the video clip is posted, you'll see it here.

Update:



By the way, during this nearly fifteen minute monologue, O'Donnell calls Trump, "The most deranged egomaniac in the history of the NBC entertainment division."

Jesus, that's a powerful statement. Do you have any idea what it takes to be the most deranged egomaniac in the history of the NBC entertainment division?

I assume O'Donnell never met Ben Silverman.

Assistant Quote of the Day

“You know how Donald always says, ‘People are laughing at us, thinking we don’t have it’? Here’s one of the reasons they’re laughing at us, Donald. When you show such insane disrespect to the president of your country, other countries think we’re idiots.”

-- Whoopi Goldberg on The View this morning

She went on to say, about the racial component of Trump's attacks on Obama:

“I’m getting tired to trying not to find things slightly racist. It is very difficult, on a daily basis, to see this stuff and not say, you know, this is what it is. I have been raised to think, ‘Well, maybe that’s not what they mean. Let me figure it out.’ But, being black, when you say, ‘Y’know, this is racist,’ 9,000 people say, ‘Oh, you’re just playing the race card.’ Well, you know, I’m playing the damn card now.”

Start the clock. Trump calls Whoopi, fat, stupid, a failure, mentally unbalanced, unfunny, a foreign national, all-of-the-above in three... two... one...

I guess the only thing he can't do is insult her hair.

By the way, for those playing along at home, here's Trump's latest plea for attention and proof that he's running out of ways to top himself:

Mediaite: Donald Trump Praises Confederacy, Tells Obama "Get Off the Basketball Court"/4.27.11

(Adding: One more thing: For the birthers as a whole, it absolutely is about racism and xenophobia, but make no mistake, for Trump, it's nothing more than what it always is -- shameless opportunism.)

Match Lame

A few days ago I put up a quickie post that implied that Donald Trump and Fox News are perfect for each other, if for no other reason than the fact that they respond to their critics in exactly the same way. Each one, when faced with negative publicity, lashes out like a petulant child in the direction of the perceived attack -- like some little asshole bully on a playground whose skin is paper thin and whose only defense against criticism is to hurl vitriolic insults in a quest for revenge. Well, just for the hell of it I thought I'd compile a few examples to show you what I'm talking about. As I started looking back through these, I noticed how truly alike these two are when it comes to their attitude toward those who dare to publicly take issue with them.

See for yourself.

Trump To Jerry Seinfeld (who recently backed out of a charity event hosted by Trump's son):

"I agreed to do, and did, your failed show, 'The Marriage Ref,' even though I thought it was absolutely terrible . . . Despite its poor ratings, I didn't cancel on you like you canceled on my son and St. Jude. I only wish I did."

Fox News on Sarah Silverman (after she called the network a "24 hour-a-day engine of implied racism"):

"Sarah's anger is understandable having recently lost her television show. We sympathize with her need for attention considering her book is languishing near 300 on Amazon.com."

Trump To Vanity Fair Writer Juli Weiner (who penned a blog post implying that Trump isn't serious about running for president)

"Bad Writer!"

Fox News on Charlie Reina (a former Fox employee who left the network after accusing it of imposing a right-wing bias)

"These false accusations are the rantings of a bitter employee. It's unfortunate that his career ended the way it did."

Trump To Director Mike Tollin (who helmed the upcoming ESPN documentary Who Killed the USFL):

"(It's) a third rate documentary... you are a loser."

Fox News on Paula Zahn (who left the network for CNN):

"Paula Zahn's supposed attempt at reinventing herself as a journalist is like putting a fresh coat of paint on an outhouse."

None of this includes Trump's viciously juvenile war of words with Rosie O'Donnell (he called her a "fat slob") or Fox's slams at its direct competition (it said about Ted Turner, "Ted is understandably bitter, having lost his ratings, his network, and now his mind"). It also doesn't even get into the fact that many of Trump's and Fox's attacks end with the condescending, mock-genteel bon mot, "We/I wish him/her/them well."

Really -- perfect for each other.

(Update: I knew this was coming, and of course here it is. One more to add: A couple of days ago during an interview at the Tribeca Film Festival, Robert DeNiro took at shot at Donald Trump, so of course because Trump's a fucking 12-year-old he couldn't let that stand. His response this morning on -- wait for it -- Fox and Friends: "Well he’s not the brightest bulb on the planet. I’ve been watching him over the years and I like his acting, but you know in terms of when I watch him doing interviews and various other things, we’re not dealing with Albert Einstein." Yeah -- insulting Robert Fucking DeNiro. Unreal. I'd really love to think that there's someone out there who could verbally body slam Trump's ridiculous ass who was also so high up the cultural food chain that Trump couldn't in a million years hit back at him without looking like even more of a boob than he already does, but his ego is so monumental that I'm pretty sure that's impossible. This is a guy who has no compunction about calling the current President of the United States a joke and a fraud who wasn't born in this country and who shouldn't have been allowed into the Ivy League system. "I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then to Harvard? I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records," he says. As usual, Trump offers no proof for any of his claims -- just more of the usual indiscriminate bluster. Douche.)