As Hurricane Ike barrels torward Florida, a lot of folks are battening down and evacuating coastal and low-lying areas in an effort to escape the storm's wrath.
Totally unnecessary.
All Floridians have to do is appease the storm through a sacrifice and he'll leave them alone.
Step 1: Find Tina Turner.
Step 2: Take her to the Southernmost Point in the United States, in Key West, and tie her to the monument there.
Step 3: Stand back and let Ike "do his thing."
Otherwise, y'all better prepare for the biggest pimp-slap in history (after which Ike will stand over the rubble and shout, "Now look what you made me do!").
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