Folks, I don't know about you but I'm fucking terrified.
Sure this election has had its share of rank stupidity and gutless pandering, but for the most part it's stayed on track, focused on the facts and been mercifully free of the kind of heated exchanges over absolute bullshit that we've watched plague past national races -- you know, the stuff that's caused the rest of the world to laugh at us and managed to pretty much lay waste to America as an enlightened society over the last eight years. Seriously, there's been nary a fucking dumbass wedge-issue in sight this election. That feckless turd Karl Rove somehow found himself neutered and those idiot Evangelicals, known collectively as "the base" -- which is ironically what "al Qaeda" translates to in English -- have been a group without a voice this time around. It looked like the immensely stupid in our country were gonna have to sit this one out. And it was good.
But now all that's changed.
That racket you hear off in the distance -- all those cannons firing and megaphones blaring? That's the culture war. It just erupted again.
Why? Because the half-wits in "the base" finally found somebody they can get behind -- somebody who believes all the stupid shit they believe and who's more than happy to take up the mantle of unmitigated right-wing crazy and run it all the way to the second highest office in the land.
They've fallen in love with Sarah Palin.
Yep, Sarah Palin -- former beauty queen, ex-secessionist, small-town mayor turned first-term governor, mother of five, pro-lifer, hunter, gun enthusiast, patriot, Jesus freak creationist, cultivator of the naughty librarian look, and all-around empty vessel.
She's what the hardcore right's been waiting for all this time -- George W. Bush with tits.
She's somebody they can jerk-off to with one hand while they're saluting our troops with the other.
They don't give a shit, ironically, that she couldn't find Iraq on a fucking map and that if ever entrusted with our armies would have the potential to put them -- or help put them -- needlessly in harm's way, seeing as how she doesn't know the first goddamned thing about foreign affairs or homeland security. For Christ's sake, the woman only got a passport a few years ago. You'd think that somebody who lived so close to Russia and therefore understood global politics so well -- as Steve Douchey over at Fox News first claimed -- would at least have sought permission from the fucking U.S. government to travel abroad. Not Palin though, and once again, to her new fans, it doesn't mean shit that she's clueless. It's inconsequential to them that she's basically the least qualified person to ever be given a shot at being a heartbeat away from the highest office in the free world.
No, they don't care because she's got the one quality that the clowns in the base are looking for.
She's just like them.
They see her as a good Christian mom who worries about crap like what books her kids are reading, and if her new neighbors might be gay, and whether the abortion clinic two towns over is open for business, and how many guns she can legally own, and where she'll be when the rapture comes.
And now, of course, how to help her teenage daughter raise the local redneck shithead's baby.
The people Sarah Palin was chosen to appeal to -- if you believe Karl Rove, who got a second wind and whose stubby little fingers are all over this choice -- don't care about her lack of qualifications; they just want to feel like they could sit down and have a beer or a glass of warm milk with her.
If you remember, that's exactly the kind of bullshit non-thinking that gave us eight years of an overgrown frat boy who couldn't find his asshole with two hands and an ass map but who knew how to throw on a cowboy hat and go to NASCAR races or dress up like a fighter pilot and say lunatic crap like "bring it on" just to ingratiate himself to Toby Keith America.
Remember him?
That's the guy who got us into the fucking mess we're in right now -- at home and abroad.
Do you really want another four years of that -- another inexcusable fool who believes that the U.S. is the Almighty's favored nation on Earth, an Earth that's only 6,000 years old?
Do you really want to see essentially the same players having a say in our government that have steered us so wrong for so long?
Sorry folks, but from where I'm sitting the only goddamned difference between Sarah Palin and George Bush is that Bush doesn't whip off his eyeglasses, let down his hair and rip open his blouse whenever he hears Motley Crue's Girls, Girls, Girls.
(As always, the views and opinions of Garth do not necessarily reflect those of Chez, who is in fact a big fan of the naughty librarian look and who always refers to women's tits as "breasts.")
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