The Defining Moment

(Update: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I'll leave this post up, but it may as well be written in Swahili. No one had any idea how difficult it would be to get past the Gestapo-like contingent of humorless administrators at Wikipedia. Thanks to everyone who gave this little juvenile online prank a shot; I'd go into battle with you anytime.)


Now that the new look and domain name are in place, the time has come to take my next bold step toward, you know, like, inevitable world domination -- and for this I've decided to ask your help.

The original plan was to create a Wikipedia entry for both this site and for the idiot who runs it (that would be me), but after sitting at the computer for no less than a full five minutes, my wife and I realized that we really couldn't come up with much to say about either.

And that's when she devised a plan that's equal parts brilliant and terrifying: let you, the readers, do it for us.

So, that's exactly what we've decided to do; we're leaving it up to all of you to log into Wikipedia and create an entry for both "Deus Ex Malcontent" and my full name -- which I won't divulge, but suffice to say that the more resourceful of you can easily find the necessary information and the rest can feel free to make something up.

Harry Potter fans, this means you can finally have your revenge.

Everyone else that I've pissed off throughout the past year and a half, you now have a golden opportunity to verbally pound me into paste.

Friends, and those who enjoy this site on a semi-regular basis, now's your chance to say something kind about me.

I promise not to interfere with your construction of the entry for at least a week -- meaning you have seven days worth of free reign to concoct any back story you'd like for me and/or this site. You have oodles of material here to work with --TV news career, rehab, brain tumor, general assholean behavior -- but in case you require them, here are a few more facts about me:

* My middle name is Jehosephat.

* I was the first African-American to swim the English channel.

* Thirty Helens agree: I rock.

* I wet the bed until two years ago.

* I am the final remaining Cylon.

* My first pet was a mouse which died when I accidentally left it out on the patio in 30-degree weather.

* Crystal Light -- I love Crystal Light.

* When writing or relaxing around the house, I generally wear a pair of baby-blue boxer shorts with little cartoon alligators all over them.

Once again friends and foes, this is your chance -- have at it.

Take your best shot.