Dream of the Blue Turkey

This little clip has become something of a yearly tradition around these parts.

On this, the day that we celebrate the beginning of the first -- but certainly not last -- great American land swindle, I ask you to remember the plight of flightless birds everywhere. Sure, that farm-raised turkey is now on your plate, but at one time it had dreams of majestically taking to the skies, just like so many of its feathered brethren.

Just like the poor Kiwi.

Stone Cold

Today's piece for the Daily Banter, the last before the holiday weekend, takes a look at the internet furor over a young woman named Lindsey Stone. If you don't know who she is and what she did -- you're probably really lucky.

Here's the opening shot:

"Anybody who’s kept up with me on my site, here, or at the Huffington Post knows that I have a habit of defending people who say really dumb things, particularly if those dumb these were intended to get a laugh. The issue as far as I’m concerned isn’t that you shouldn’t expect to face criticism if you say or do something that could easily be perceived as offensive — it’s simply that, with the rise of the internet as a global forum for shaming, retribution and general piling-on, the backlash to a perceived offense is usually so loud and so organized these days that it in short order winds up being anything but a proportional response.

Case in point, America’s newest internet pariah: Lindsey Stone."

Read the Rest Here

Listening Post

The very early 90s were actually, in retrospect, a really interesting era for metal. With the underground rise of alt-metal bands like Jane's Addiction, the hair bands that had dominated the 80s were actually being slowly chipped away at even before Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains thundered onto the scene like the meteor that killed off the dinosaurs in one shot.

There were a lot of acts incorporating funk, soul, even Beatles-esque harmonies into what was traditionally a pretty straightforward game.

One listen to these guys and you realized immediately that there was no surprise they were associated with the brilliant King's X. From '91, here's Galactic Cowboys -- I'm Not Amused.

Food for No Thought

Today's column for the Daily Banter takes aim at Guy Fieri. And the Food Network.

Here's the opening shot:

"Anyone who’s listened to Bob Cesca and I rail like bitter old guys against the various tyrannies of the world on our podcast knows that there’s one subject besides politics that we bring up over and over again. Something that elicits from us both anger and outrage and which we can’t stop moaning about no matter how hard we try: the Food Network. Granted, it would be easy to take the advice of many wise men and women who came before us and simply change the channel rather than allowing the steady stream of foodie-fellating nonsense unleashed by this one particular network to wash over us, but what fun would that be? I can’t speak entirely for Bob, but I know that there is such a thing as hate-watching — and I know I often do it to the Food Network."

Read the Rest Here

Quote of the Day

"Is it treasonous to want to secede from the United States? Many think the question of secession was settled by our Civil War. On the contrary, the principles of self-government and voluntary association are at the core of our founding... Secession is a deeply American principle. This country was born through secession. Some thought it was treasonous to secede from England, but those “traitors” became our country’s greatest patriots. There is nothing treasonous or unpatriotic about wanting a federal government that is more responsive to the people it represents. That is what our revolutionary war was all about and today, our own federal government is vastly overstepping its constitutional bounds with no signs of reform. In fact, the recent election only further entrenched the status quo... At what point should a people dissolve the political bands which have connected them with an increasingly tyrannical and oppressive federal government? And if people or states are not free to leave the United States as a last resort, can they really think of themselves as free? If a people cannot secede from an oppressive government they cannot truly be considered free."

-- Ron Paul, in an op-ed titled "You're Not Free If You Can't Secede from an Oppressive Government"

I swear, part of me is really gonna miss Ron Paul now that he's left his thoroughly ineffectual role in Congress to literally dodder away into his twilight years ranting at telephone poles about the dangers of functional government. I give it about a month before his face shows up on a local news station somewhere alongside a story that begins with the words, "Authorities need your help tonight in finding an elderly man who may have wandered off from home," while highway signs warn drivers to be on the lookout as part of a "Silver Alert."

I didn't watch all of Paul's pissy, 48-minute-long "goodbye cruel world" speech to the House last week because I have a life, but Salon put together a quickie Cliff's Notes of it and what was most amusing is that in just the clips they made available Paul managed to say the word "liberty" nine times. He used "freedom" six times, five of those in just one short paragraph. This is important because as you know, a vote for Ron Paul was always a vote for LIBERTY. Never mind that Paul's a lunatic or that his goals for a national government, basically that there would be no government at all, is laughably impractical bordering on impossible. He even came right out and admitted that he didn't really do anything while in Congress because he believes that the role of government should be to essentially contribute to people's lives in no meaningful way -- and in that respect, he was the perfect representative.

I'm really enjoying, though, watching the gloves come off completely now that Paul's safely out of office and can say whatever crazy horseshit he wants without worrying about having to be held accountable for it. I look forward to many more op-eds on secession, unicorns, public water fountains that are too tall, his anger that it's so hard to find Sanka these days, liberty! liberty! liberty! etc.

Listening Post

In addition to all the traditional records he releases, BT has become famous for releasing extended independent tracks and albums full of ambient "soundtrack"-style music.

Here's his latest offering, a nearly 14-minute piece called 13 Angels on My Broken Windowsill, which runs the gamut from ambient to dubstep and is accompanied by an admittedly mesmerizing video.

Listening Post

Emma Hewitt is an Australian singer-songwriter known more for her electronic dance work than anything else. That said, her latest record, Burn Down the Sky, has her branching out quite a bit and the result is pretty terrific.

Here's Colours.