Quote of the Day

"They were very... touching words for the victims."

-- Vatican spokesperson this morning on NBC's Today show, on Pope Benedict XVI's personal letter responding to the current priest sex abuse scandal

The Spy Who Shoved Me

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Unless of course you're a tea bagger, in which case the shortest distance between two points is a complex conspiracy engineered by your political adversaries, obviously.

It only makes sense that the tea bagging army wouldn't understand the concept of Occam's Razor, being that a razor is, you know, sharp. So with that in mind, let's just throw it out to the masses: What's more likely, that there are some within the tea bagger ranks (exactly how many isn't the issue) who are rotten, callous, racist sons-of-bitches -- or that the people who've been caught on camera and by reporters taunting a sick man, shouting "nigger" and "faggot" at U.S. lawmakers and spitting on one particular black congressman, and preaching armed revolution and generally violent behavior are, in fact, enemy double agents working to embarrass the Tea Party's good name?

This latter theory, as dubious and potentially detached from reality as it is, has been bandied about on the right for the past few weeks -- but now professed libertarian Lew Rockwell has decided to get in on the action:

"Recent Tea Party people who allegedly denounced a Parkinson’s patient or spat at gay and black congressmen might well have been agents. Offensive signs might be Made in DC too. Next might come calls for violence by alleged Tea Party types, and perhaps acts, which can be used to suppress dissent. Peaceful resistance is not only right, it is all that works, unless you are with the state. If anyone urges the use of violence, the state’s characteristic action, he is probably an agent."

Rockwell is a fan of Ron Paul -- which should surprise no one since he's obviously willing to buy into outlandish conspiracist nonsense without a shred of evidence.

As for the theory that the baggers' rabble are actually left-wing moles, Cesca has a good take on that: "And they might also have a tiny alien pilot in their heads. The galaxy is on Orion's belt! Look for a small marble or a jewel!"

Sure it's outright mockery -- but does this kind of thinking really deserve anything else?

Quote of the Day

"I admit that I often feel a sense of injustice these days. Why is the church being excoriated? Isn't there also abuse elsewhere? And then I'm tempted to say: 'Yes, the media just don't like the church! Maybe there's even a conspiracy against the church?' But then I feel in my heart that no, that's not it."

-- Cardinal Christoph Schoenborn of Vienna, doubling down on the victimization card on a day that saw coordinated verbal attacks on the media, specifically the New York Times, by the Vatican

Taibbi's right. It's just staggering to think that that's their defense: "Well, it's not like we're the only ones molesting kids."

And holy hell the sheer audacity it takes to blame the media for daring to uncover the fact that you've been raping little boys. The nerve of those guys in the press.

Project Office Mayhem

Your assignment, as usual: Quietly put the following link up on every computer in your office, then crank all the speakers to full volume.

Mischief points: 3,412 (190,000 if you happen to work at RNC headquarters)

Shtraight Ballin' wit' Steele

The Right Thing

Interesting piece on the member of the Michigan Militia who helped to hand up the Hutaree group -- which was allegedly planning an attack on the U.S. government -- to the cops over the weekend. We do our best to be as fair as possible around here, and while I really don't much care for anti-government rhetoric or militaristic behavior from civilians across the board -- this proves that not all "militias" are created equal, apparently.

MSNBC/The New York Times: Michigan Militia Member Turned In Hutaree/4.1.10

Thinking Outside the Inbox

The latest in our ongoing series which brings just some of the PR firm junk e-mail I regularly get to you, the readers. This one isn't from a PR firm but an actual company. The pitch for its product is, to put it mildly, creative. (And no, this isn't an April Fool's joke.)

"'Obama and Tea Party Heard Loud and Clear With AmpliVox Megaphones'

Barack Obama and The Tea Party were Heard Loud and Clear With AmpliVox Sound Systems' Megaphones.

Northbrook, Illinois (Amplivox Sound Systems) March 29, 2010 -- If there is one thing both sides of the political spectrum can agree on it is that AmpliVox Sound Systems assure reliable communications. On two separate political occasions, Barack Obama's 100th day in office and a recent Tea Party rally, both sides chose an AmpliVox Megaphone to deliver their newsworthy message.

The nation's political parties depend on and trust the reliable quality sound of AmpliVox megaphones at their important events. AmpliVox megaphones are known as durable weather resistant workhorses that get the message across loud and clear with their solid-state electronics, lightweight design and long life battery technology.

AmpliVox Sound Systems CEO Don Roth describes their megaphones as an integral part of their multimedia presentation systems. He says, 'The MityMegŽ line of megaphones is a great example of the reliable communication tools AmpliVox is proud to offer. From high quality portable sound systems and public address systems to lecterns and podiums AmpliVox Sound Systems ensure a crystal clear message.'

In addition, AmpliVox has recently launched a 'Speak Up for America' program. With every megaphone purchased AmpliVox will make a $15 donation to the YMCA of the USA to benefit the Y's mission, programs and services nationwide.

AmpliVox Sound Systems products are made in the USA (with only a few exceptions), meet stringent UL standards, and come with an up to 6 year warranty. Our wide selection meets every speaker's sound coverage and style needs. Whether you are in a small meeting room of 30 people or a large 20,000 square foot auditorium of up to 10,000 people, AmpliVox Sound Systems' extensive range of superior quality, simple to operate and reliable electronics will provide maximum customer satisfaction and ensure a crystal clear message.

Looking for more information? Contact Amplivox.

Thank you for your time!

Sincerely,

Don Roth
Amplivox CEO"

Well, if you've wondered who's to blame for all the noise in modern politics -- now you know.

Gotta love this pitch, though. It's like if Duracell put together a commercial with Jeff Bridges's voice-over saying, "Only one battery is so trusted that it can be found in both Pat Robertson's pacemaker and Sasha Grey's vibrator."

Listening Post

I've said before that the Killers are hit and miss -- their good stuff is very good while quite a bit else is painfully average.

This is one of their better songs, and not just because it features the great Lou Reed.

Here's Tranquilize.