Quote of the Day

"Corporations aren't born; they are legal inventions with state-sanctioned paperwork for DNA. How do these non-biological entities, existing through an obeisant contrivance of government, merit equal protection of the constitution? More importantly, why don't actual people enjoy the kind of legal protections America provides to corporations? ... Corporate personhood exists for the purpose of divorcing men like Lloyd Blankfein from the consequences of their actions. Well, I say enough: the man's metaphorical head must roll and the crime for which he bears executive responsibility must be punished. I don't even care if Goldman-Sachs experiences a corporate makeover in the process, but America cannot afford to reward this kind of behavior with taxpayer dollars."

-- Matt Osborne in a piece entitled "Citizen Goldman Sachs, Psychopath"

I always imagine Matt being a cross between Tyler Durden and Horatius at the Bridge -- simultaneously tearing stuff down that doesn't matter and defending to the death what does -- and that's what makes him so great to read.

Breaking the Banks

This is a start. Now if we can just get a measure passed that will allow Americans to punch Lloyd "God's Work" Blankfein in the mouth with impunity, we'll be on to something.

The Huffington Post: Obama Seeks New Banking Restrictions/1.21.10

Speaking of which, who knew doing God's work was so lucrative?

The Huffington Post: Goldman Sachs Profits Hit $4.8-Billion, Pay Up 47%/1.21.10

Just warms your fucking heart, doesn't it?

Armed and Prosperous

Oh, this is rich -- literally:

"'I just wrote my first reference for a gun permit,' said a friend, who told me of swearing to the good character of a Goldman Sachs Group Inc. banker who applied to the local police for a permit to buy a pistol. The banker had told this friend of mine that senior Goldman people have loaded up on firearms and are now equipped to defend themselves if there is a populist uprising against the bank.

I called Goldman Sachs spokesman Lucas van Praag to ask whether it’s true that Goldman partners feel they need handguns to protect themselves from the angry proletariat. He didn’t call me back. The New York Police Department has told me that 'as a preliminary matter' it believes some of the bankers I inquired about do have pistol permits. The NYPD also said it will be a while before it can name names."

Alert Reader Steve forwarded me this piece from Bloomberg today. As soon as I read it I whipped over to Taibbi's blog -- sure enough, he's got a great take on it.

Taibblog: Goldman Sachs Arms Itself/11.30.09

By the way, you'd have to imagine that Lloyd Blankfein doesn't own a gun. He doesn't need one; he's got the power of God on his side, after all.

Quote of the Day*

"We participated in things that were clearly wrong and have reason to regret... We apologize.”

-- Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd "God's Work" Blankfein, addressing a Directorship conference in New York City; worth mentioning is that while Blankfein admits that Goldman helped ass-fuck the global economy, he's still giving the go-ahead to a record year of bonuses for his executives and the mass-eviction of strapped homeowners during the holiday season.

In other words, thanks for the apology, douche.

(By the way, take a look at this: TDG: God Confirms He's Just Doing Lloyd Blankfein's Work/11.20.09. It's one of the funniest things you'll read all day.)

*The whole quote thing was originally supposed to be a once-in-a-while kind of deal, then it became a running joke that there were several Quotes of the Week; now I'm just gonna have to finally give in and do it day by day.

American Psychos

In the grand tradition of Mad Magazine's "Scenes We'd Like To See," comes a scene we wouldn't exactly like to see but one that we pretty much are seeing these days -- compliments of Matt Taibbi.

Here's his take on what a recent story in Bloomberg -- one in which Goldman spokesman Lucas van Praag laughed off Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein's statement that he was doing "God's work" -- may as well have been:

"Blankfein didn’t mean to be taken seriously when he said the bank was doing 'God’s work,' said the bank’s spokesman, Lucas van Praag.

It was 'obviously ironic, a throwaway response,' said van Pragg. 'Sort of like saying, Life fucking rocks from up here, so suck on my yacht, when someone asks how you’re doing. Or stepping right on a homeless person’s crotch instead of stepping over or around him on your way to work.'

Van Pragg added that Blankfein’s comments were also 'like pouring battery acid on a sleeping harbor seal, or using an Indian slum child’s eyes for martini olives,' or like 'getting the mortgage department to do the wave during a foreclosure' and 'cheering and chest-bumping while two shivering AIDS patients are hauled out of their homes in blankets by sheriff’s deputies. Just an aside, you know, something you do.'"

Damn, I love Taibbi.

Quote of the Week

"Everybody should be, frankly, happy (with the continuing, monumental successes of Goldman Sachs). The financial system led us into the crisis and it will lead us out. I've got news for you... If the financial system goes down, our business is going down and, trust me, yours and everyone else's is going down, too."

-- "Darth" Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs, in an interview with the London Times

He went on to say that he's "doing God's Work."

I wish I were making this up.