Welcome To the Suck

Today's column for the Daily Banter looks at the upcoming movie The Canyons -- which doesn't look very good in any sense.

Here's the opening shot:

"I’ll make this quick because it’s Friday and I’m ready to pretend that I don’t still have a pile of work on my desk that isn’t going to get done by the magical work fairies I bought online and am now trying to grow on the back of my toilet.

Sure, this is a tall order, but can we finally dispense with the notion that a lot of things in this world are so bad they’re good?"

Read the Rest Here

Quote of the Day, Jr.

"Everybody else has to follow the law. You're no different than anyone else. So please, don't push your luck."

-- Superior Court Judge Keith Schwartz to Lindsay Lohan following her arraignment on felony grand theft charges

No different than anyone else?

She's a fucking one-woman crime wave who mocks the authority of the court every chance she gets and yet she's still walking the streets right now.

And don't push your luck?

Jesus, the girl's been in jail three times in three years, got out of court-ordered rehab just four weeks ago and is still on probation and now she's been charged with grand theft. The only way she could push her luck anymore would be to pull a gun in court and shoot the judge in the face.

Quote of the Day

"The only ones who are gonna lose any dignity are the cops when Lindsay gets turned on, licks her fingers, runs her hands between her legs and says something about her 'honey pot.'"

-- Brendon at What Would Tyler Durden Do, on the potential indignity of Lindsay Lohan being strip-searched upon her arrival at the Los Angeles County Women's Jail

Bars Tab

So, anybody wanna take the action on Lindsay?

Bets on whether she actually shows up for her stint in jail today?

Quote of the Day

"Your honor, I think you really need to look at the big picture here -- not at what Miss Lohan hasn't done, but at what she has accomplished."

-- Shawn Chapman Holley, lawyer for Lindsay Lohan, employing the rarely effective "Hoover Defense" first used in the case of Faber College v. Delta Tau Chi, 1962

Cry Baby

Aw, looks like somebody ran out of money for blow.

Reuters: Lindsay Lohan Sues E-Trade Over "Milkaholic" Baby Ad, Suit Alleges Baby "Lindsay" in Ad Depicts Actress/3.9.10

No, honey. If they'd called the baby "Worthless Coke-Whore" in the commercial, or maybe referred to her as a "semenholic" as opposed to a "milkaholic" then you might've had good reason to sue.