Bio Shock

It seems not even worth it to get too pissed about anything relating to Kim Kardashian and her repugnant clan.

I admit that over the weekend I got an e-mail from a PR agent which enthused in hilariously over-the-top language how excited my readers would be for the upcoming season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians because you'd all be getting an inside look at Kim's new relationship with the now officially irredeemable Kanye West. Yeah, I wrote her back -- wanting to know if she drinks herself to sleep every night and was actually tearfully mouthing the words, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry -- what have I done with my life," as she typed out the press release. Aside from that tiny bit of resistance, I know it's useless to bitch about what the inexplicable ongoing success of these whores -- and I'm speaking as much of the men in the family as the women -- has to say about America as a society and where our once-great empire stands at the beginning of the 21st century.

Still, gotta give a big standing-o to Jon Hopwood, whoever he is.

His, let's face it, honest assessment of Kim Kardashian -- remember, famous for being pissed on by Ray J -- in her IMDB bio is as brilliant as it is thoroughly refreshing. I guess you fight the little battles where you can, eh?

Uproxx: Kim Kardashian's IMDB Bio is AMAZING/5.14.12

Quote of the Day

“I bring up the thing that made Kim famous, which is the sex tape with Ray J. Kim’s mom would call E! much like an old lady neighbor going like, ‘Your son’s baseball landed in my window again,' and they don’t like it when we bring it up.”

-- Joel McHale on how the Kardashians are trying to put pressure on E! to stop him from mocking them on The Soup

Right. Because if The Soup stops pointing out what a talentless, money-grubbing whore Kim Kardashian is, her reputation will suddenly become all about sunshine, unicorns and busloads of rescued infants.

Quote of the Day

Equally excellent, just for different reasons, is the following one from comic Rob Delaney -- who says he's going to sue Kim Kardashian, E! and Ryan Seacrest, the executive producer of the inescapable culture-bomb that is the Kardashian Reality TV empire. Here's how Delaney imagines the horseshit Kardashian "fairy tale" wedding was pitched:

"I know! We’ll have Kim get married! It’ll be a ratings bonanza! We’ll bludgeon the populace with billboards and commercials, build it up across our 14 execrable spinoffs, hire some psychologists to help Kim and Kompany approximate the appearance of human emotion as they navigate the wedding preparation, split the actual wedding over two interminable episodes—even accompany them on the honeymoon! And the best part is, it doesn’t even have to be real! We’ll have Kris (Humphries, not Kris Jenner, Kim’s mom (though having her marry her own mom once ratings start to slide IS a great idea!!!)) sign a pre-nup that is also a non-disclosure agreement AND a waiver stating that if he even talks in his sleep about the 'marriage’s' details, he’ll be beaten, drugged, and given a facelift from the same doctor who did Bruce Jenner, and then forced to walk the Earth terrifying children and animals for eternity.'"

When the guillotines are finally erected at the corner of Wall and Broad, I think the entire Kardashian family should be the inaugural event -- as a test run, opening act and simply because they really do represent the shameless and relentless pursuit of a profitable "brand" as well as everything that's detestable about the American privileged class at the start of the 21st century.

Again, Takei sums up the Kardashian family best:

Bonus Quote of the Day

"No, not a big fan (of reality TV). Like, forgive me, I don’t know if you’re friends with her — but who the hell is Kim Kardashian? Like, who are these people and why are they famous and why are they advertising things and being asked their opinions about things? I just don’t understand what these people did to be in a position of having everyone ask their opinions about stuff. I mean, if there’s something about her personality or something that she’s accomplished or her philosophy on something — but beyond that I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s actually frightening."

-- Edie Falco in New York Magazine

(via The Superficial)