Speech Impediment

If you need a perfect example of how the domination of the click-bait headline is really just screwing our culture and its collective intellect without Vaseline, here you go.

Over the weekend, Ashton Kutcher picked up a kind of lifetime achievement award at Nickelodeon's "Dear God Please Send the Angel of Death to Smite Every Tween in the Country" Awards. His acceptance speech for the thing was, admittedly, pretty impressive, attempting to impart upon the crowd of screaming 13-year-old girls a little wisdom on succeeding in life through hard work, persistence, and grace.

Really, it was about four minutes of minor greatness from a guy I normally couldn't give a crap about.

So, what most-important-revelation did the Huffington Post reduce Kutcher's speech to?

This:

The Huffington Post: Ashton Kutcher Reveals His Real Name at Teen Choice Awards/8.12.13

I guess it could've been worse. He could've been wearing something that revealed side-boob.

Quote of the Day

"This is what happens when celebrities do an issue divorced from the movement. Once you chose an issue and don’t do it in collaboration with people who have been doing this for a long time, this is what you end up with. There is a general dumbing down that is going on and this is an example of dumbing down a social justice movement with the narrowest message possible."

-- Norma Ramos, Executive Director of the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women, on Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's vain and utterly idiotic "DNA Foundation" (cleverly, "Demi 'n' Ashton") which seeks to combat the very serious problem of international sex trafficking with silly videos about how "real man" Ashton supposedly does his own laundry

Really, you have to see this shit to believe it.

Quote of the Day

"So if you were wondering, yes, Ashton Kutcher is a moron. To make people forget about his rumored affair, he stood at a podium with the word CLINTON in huge letters right next to his head."

-- Brendon at What Would Tyler Durden Do?, on Ashton Kutcher's recent appearance with his wife, Demi Moore, at a Clinton Global Initiative event, despite allegations he's been cheating on her