"I Can't Lie to You About Your Chances, but You Have My Sympathies."

As far as I'm concerned, Alien remains the single greatest movie ever made.

To say that I'm a fan of Ridley Scott's 1979 masterpiece -- its look, its feel, young Sigourney Weaver in her underwear, everything -- would be to sorely downplay my absolute obsession with the film and the entire canon it inspired.

I know more worthless trivia about the Alien series than any well-adjusted person should. I own a baseball cap with the original Nostromo insignia patch. I bought the Alien Quadrilogy DVD set, which includes a better cut of the unfairly maligned 1992 David Fincher sequel. I'm looking for a full-scale M41A Pulse Rifle (in case anyone happens to be stuck on what to get me for Christmas this year). I probably bleed molecular acid by this point.

It goes without saying then that, as a diehard fan of the Alien films and decent film in general, I'll never forgive Fox for diluting and consequently destroying the entire franchise by agreeing to allow Alien vs. Predator to ever see the inside of a theater. The fucking movie was blasphemy.

And now comes Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem.

When I learned that they were actually making a sequel to the original cinematic abomination, my first thought was that somebody needed to dig up Daryl Zanuck, then jetison the bodies of both him and Rupert Murdoch and make up any story they liked.

But then I heard who was directing it -- the Brothers Strause, two visual geniuses with a love of, and a respect for, the original movie and a serious knack for bringing disturbing imagery to life.

And then I saw the new trailer.

In a surprising and truly ballsy marketing move, our first look at the new movie comes courtesy of a notorious "Red Band" trailer -- meaning that the trailer itself is R-rated. It features shocking and graphic violence, and lets the audience know right off the bat that this time around, the gloves are off and the potential for chaotic gore that made the original films so startlingly effective is back.

Whether or not Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem will be decent is anyone's guess (and note the tip of the hat to Cameron's vision of the plural Aliens, further letting you know what you're in for).

One thing's for sure though -- at least it won't be PG-13.

See the red-band trailer here.